


Path found

by AnaVakarian



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Alien Sex, Alien/Human Relationships, Angaran boyfriend, Awkward Conversations, Bisexuality, Canon Rewrite, Character Development, Christmas, Conversations, Deleted Scenes, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Emotions, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Headcanon, Interlude, Jaal is the sweetest thing in Andromeda, Love, Mass Effect: Andromeda - Freeform, More and more Fluff, Non-Human Humanoid Society, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, Pregnancy, Some angst, Surprises, Unplanned Pregnancy, andromeda - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2020-05-18 09:47:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 44,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19332082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaVakarian/pseuds/AnaVakarian
Summary: Short interludes in between missions delving into Sara + Jaal relationship, told in first person by the main characters. Some are canon; others non-canon at all, digging into cultural and biological differences, relationships, alien odd stuff and character development. MUSE will be the soundtrack.





	1. The angaras

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! [ AnaVGCVakarian](https://anavgcvakarian.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ***  
> English is not my first language. Forgive my mistakes -.-'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Panic station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV. After Eos Vault.

“I’m the Pathfinder, the first contact is on me,” I said, trying to convince them although my command had already been quite clear: you stay in; I deal with this. All my new crew members loved to discuss my orders. I suppose is normal when you bump into a Pathfinder title being 24 and you have never actually given orders to anyone before.

“Yeah, the most important thing for the galaxy, no pressure,” Liam answered me back with wittiness but a concerned gesture.

I decided to play the whole thing down. “If this goes badly; if I get eaten alive by aliens, even if it’s hilarious please, destroy the vids…” I joked walking towards the ramp.

Irony and sarcasm, my favourite weapon to fight against my panic.  At least I heard Liam and Vetra snort and I even got to pull a chuckle out of Drack. My heart was pounding heavily in my chest right then.

The ship was on fire. Literally, as Gil had said. And we have just been ambushed by the kett when travelling to the planet coordinates we found in Eos. A fucking whole kett float detained us, scanned me and hacked the Tempest. I didn’t even want to think what else could have happened if SAM wouldn’t have been there. We escaped thanks to Kallo, no doubt, but one of our power generators was in flames now and we had to land. Wherever. Immediately.

Six shuttles had escorted us from the moment we set foot on the atmosphere, leading us to a greener area of the planet. And my translator didn’t get a single thing about their words on the comms.

“ _This is bloody fucking great,_ ” I thought while the ramp got down on the slowest way possible. I decided to raise my hands to prove I was not armed, just in case, and I breathed deeply a couple of times, trying to calm myself down. 

["Pathfinder, I’m detecting several intelligent life forms outside. They are surrounding the ship and have automatic guns,"] SAM shared on our internal channel.

["Well, as expected. Do we have any clue about their language?"] The communication problem was my main concern.

["Not yet. I will begin with the decoding right now.”]

The light was blinding when I descended but I tried not to cover my eyes with my hand. “ _No sudden movements. You’ve got this, girl. Anyway, it’s not gonna be worse than the kett’s one,_ ” I mumbled to myself stopping once I set foot on their ground.

There were a dozen of them, fully armoured, assaults rifles aiming at me. One of the aliens got closer and said something I obviously didn’t get, and I could only stare. Like turians, _her_ … or  _his_ voice… was full of sub-vocals. Then, _it_ scanned me.

“Do you want me to take my shoes off, too?” I joked clearly uncomfortable about the fact I didn’t understand a shit about their words. _It_ didn’t stop _its_ doing but looked at me for a brief moment. 

I sighed when finished and  _it_ made a universal gesture with the rifle: _follow me_. And so I did.

I was almost sure that _it_ was a _she_. In spite of the armours that covered their whole body, including faces, I was able to distinguish sexually dysmorphic characteristics so, applying Milky Way previous assumptions, she might be a female. They all were taller and broader than me, anyway. Just in case, I didn’t drop my hands while being escorted away from the cargo bay. I looked around with curiosity, surprised about the fact that everything was empty: no one on sight.

“Where is everyone. Where are your people?” I tried to converse. Otherwise, SAM wouldn’t be able to update the translation device.

No answer at all.

They guided me to one of the exits where four of them, wearing civvies, seemed to be waiting on the top of the stairs. No helmets this time. Two females and two males with different skin colours, blue predominantly, and anatomically similar to humans, but taller and more muscular. However, their legs were digitigrade, closer in morphology to turians or salarians. They had some sort of folds of flesh on the sides of their heads that went down to their chests, disappearing under their clothes. 

This was not the first time I saw an alien, obviously, but when I was born turians, salarians, asari, elcor… they already were commonplace for humans. This was different: they were a completely new species, as well as I was for them. And the Anthropologist I had inside was jumping for joy. No doubt they all examined me with curiosity; the same way I was analyzing them.

And then, the one that looked like the leader said a totally unintelligible long line while staring at me and I totally froze, being dragged back to reality.

[“Mmm… SAM?”] I asked for help.

[“I’m sorry Pathfinder. My knowledge of this language is insufficient to provide a translation.”]

“Ok... We're screwed up. I'm screwed up,” I muttered.

It was understandable: first contact ever, different galaxy. Communication problem becoming real. I cursed myself for not having properly thought about this before.

“Can I have a piece of paper and a pencil, so I can draw a picture of what is going on?” I joked out loud; I don’t know exactly why. As expected, I didn’t obtain an answer.

Another alien turned up, suddenly, light violet skin, and the woman who had spoken until then looked genuinely annoyed. His gesture was extremely serious while walking straight towards me, going down the stairs. She made him stop and face her to exchange what sounded like displeased words, but he resumed his steps after. This one was bigger than the others, or it could have been the effect of his armour, but he towered one full head over me. He also had a massive scar on the left side of his cowl and, involuntarily, I analyzed my chances to survive if I would turn around and ran. When he stopped in front of me, utterly invading my personal space, my heart was in my mouth ready to be thrown up. His impossible blue eyes scanned me from head to toe with curiosity to end up focusing in my eyes, but with the harsh gesture permanently on his face.

[“Fuck... SAM… ?”] I begged for help when he raised a hand to show me something he had in his palm: a small round metallic piece.

[“My scan detects a sort of microchip,”] he explained.

The alien didn’t ask for permission: he grabbed the thing with his fingers and raised it to my temple while I closed my eyes shut, hands still on the air, panicking and hoping for a quick death in the event that was the device's function. He stuck it on my skin and a soft current made me twitch my whole body. Was that thing electrocuting my brain? Would that be my end… again?

But it lasted less than a second and I opened my eyes with surprise, breathing at last. “Gods, I am alive… “ I uttered, leaving a sigh escape my chest, externalizing my relief.

The alien was still in front of me, staring and invading my personal bubble. Wait, was that a smirk on his face? 

“You can drop your hands, now. We already know you are unarmed,” he said with a deep low velvety voice. I startle with the realization I understood that. So… Perhaps he was not trying to kill me after all. I obeyed immediately. “Aya is hidden… protected. What do you want?” he asked me, a quite aggressive tone this time. 

Not the first line I expected to hear. I could have done with something more… welcoming. 

“I apology. Landing here the way we did… without warning… on fire. Trust me, that was not the plan,” I managed to say.

“That’s good to know. Because if it was, that would be a very bad plan,” he replied getting that close to me I could even feel the warmth of his skin and his perfume. It was weird to realize that he actually smelled nice. Fuck, but he had a real problem keeping his distance. I didn’t step back, not even an inch, meeting his sight.

Wait, was he smirking again?

He lingered his eyes for a little longer over my features and my hair, studying me. But I didn’t break the contact this time. Finally, he turned around, going up the stairs, and I sighed with relief. “I’ll inform Evfra. He’ll be waiting for you in his office at the Resistance headquarters. I'll meet you there.”

[“Pathfinder, the microchip is a translation device. I can update or database using its information.”]

[“Great SAM, do it. I don’t really like having alien electricity pumping in my brain.”]

The female alien spoke then. “Now we can formally introduce, I’m Paeran Shie, governor of Aya. And we are the Angara.”

“Hello. I’m the human Pathfinder with the Initiative. My name is Sara Ryder,” I said then with my recently recovered temper.

They knew who we were, as they had been following the Nexus movements since our arrival, intercepting our communications and learning who we were. That’s why they already had such an accurate translation for most of our languages. And she told me to follow her to meet Evfra, the leader of the Resistance. “Follow closely. Do not try to explore the city or interact with anyone. Evfra’s guards will use force if necessary,” she advised me.

The city was astonishing, beautiful itself, full of unknown plants and trees, waterfalls and canals. And also full of angaras who tried to take a closer look of the odd alien who had just arrived in their planet. Comments were mostly displeasing and they seemed worried about me being there. And I didn’t realize before - I could probably blame the peak of adrenaline for it - but there was a kind of electrostatic tingling everywhere, like a soft buzz on my skin.

[“Pathfinder, I detect an unusual level of bioelectricity energy in the angara,”] SAM shared.

[“Bioelectricity? I’ve felt it. Does it come from them?”]

[“Definitely. It changes in intensity but I can’t provide any more input about it for now.”]

The big violet angara was already waiting for me when I came in the Resistance headquarters. The other guy he was talking with startled when I appeared and examined me with unconcealed curiosity, even after being dismissed, which was not very polite. The violet _big guy_  snatched the sniper rifle the soldier was holding and ordered him to depart, again. Order the other obeyed this time. It seemed to be someone important, this _big guy_. 

“Our experience with the kett makes us naturally distrustful with aliens,” he began without further ado. “When the Archon came to Heleus, he demolished our sovereign state… took what he wanted and if we were nothing. Now, the kett mercilessly abduct angara. Often we never see our people again.” His gesture was serious now, with a shadow of sadness darkening his blue eyes.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea of it,” I said thinking over his words, trying to be diplomatic and empathetic. “My people and I had our own runs in with the kett since we arrived. For how long has this been happening?”

He sighed. “From long before I was born.”

He guided me to one of the side doors and I understood their caution and reservations. “I don’t know how you haven’t locked me in a cell, yet. I would have done it if I were you.” _Shit._ I regretted my words immediately. When I’m nervous I don’t seem to have any filter, and I panicked with his chuckle.

“Perhaps is not too late. Don't give me ideas,” he replied with the same smirk I saw before.

And if I was expecting distrust and reservations, I got them with their leader: Evfra was the nastiest person I’ve ever met and he seemed to be made of the hardest and coldest turquoise angaran rock. He didn’t accept my apology for, literally, dropping from the sky; he didn’t believe any of my explanations about the Initiative; he didn’t want to hear about our desperation… he didn’t trust me at all, he didn’t want me there and he was really close to telling me to  _fuck off_. It didn’t matter how I tried to approach our exchange. Perhaps I was still on time to end up in a cell until I mention I was able to enter the Vault in Eos. That changed his expression and opened a new negotiation path, talking about the Vaults in Aya, Havarl and Voeld.

And I offered my help to him. Big mistake.

“Your help? Arrogant. I don’t know you, let alone trust you, why would I want your help?” he blurted out in a tone that made me think I had just screwed up the whole intergalactic diplomatic approach. The scar on his face twitched with his gesture and a peak of bioelectricity put SAM on guard in my ears. 

“Of course,” I said backing up and twisting my hands behind my back with my nerves on edge, acknowledging I hurt his pride with my desperation. I swallowed the bile that flooded me: I couldn’t afford the luxury of fucking this up.

“Evfra, I feel… What this alien says is extraordinary,” violet  _big guy_ disagreed with his leader. “The Moshae would want us to be brave and not let this chance pass.”

“Jaal, sometimes you talk too much,” Evfra answer back dryly but quieting his ire. _Jaal_ seemed to have more influence over the leader that I thought at first.

“Let me assess this alien. I’ll be your eyes. And I know you can spare me,” he offered, giving me some hopes again.

 _Big guy-Jaal_  was backing me up on this,  so he must be a high-rank military someone to do so… and obviously have the balls. Even if the way he pronounced the word  _alien_ was actually offensive. Evfra threw a thoughtful heated glare at him and didn’t know how my arm hairs bristled with their bioelectricity. They all were intimidating if they intended to.

“Go if you want. But when she tries to kill you, be prepared to strike first,” Evfra said walking away, leaving us alone. The air seemed to be less electrically charged almost immediately.

Did it work? It looked like it did.

“I guess you will need to gain his trust. Our trust. Not an easy task,”  _big guy_ said facing me. “I’m Jaal Ama Darav. I’ll be your envoy through angaran space.”

I couldn’t be more grateful and my face reflected it with a wide smile, even if I didn't intend to. “I'm the Pathfinder, Sara Ryder. Thank you for trusting me,” I said trying to sound professional.

“I don’t,” he replied bluntly. “But I can always kill you in your sleep.”

His wry smile was back on his lips but mine had frozen on my face. Was he teasing me again? Better not to risk.

“G.. good to know,” I stuttered before following him out of the headquarters, opening a connection with SAM, asking him to lock my door in the Tempest from now on.

_Just in case._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered how the translators worked from the beginning... So I decided to give it an explanation. Jaal is... intimidating, I can picture Sara in the situation and I would have peed in my pants. Chapter subject to review, like always, and "To be continued...". Thanks for the kudos :)


	2. Disagreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Follow me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the delay in this story, but it's been a very busy summer, but I come back with new ideas to put in place. I will be tinkering with the chapters a little bit as I have in mind to add two new ones in between the current number 1(the Angaras) and number 2 (dinner) to complete the story, as I realized I'm missing a lot of things there. 
> 
> ***
> 
> Jaal's POV. After his recruitment.

I didn’t really know what the protocol on this sort of meetings was, so I kept myself behind intentionally, sitting on one of the sides of their  _absolutely amazing_ alien spaceship, doing my best to remain calm. Although I was aware none of them would be able to read my bioelectricity communication, I already knew that humans were susceptible to it and turians and krogan could also detect scents and subvocals. Not that I was shy or a coward, but keeping a low profile had been one of Evfra’s recommendations and, truth be told, the situation was intimidating: I was locked in a spaceship with a bunch of unknown aliens from another galaxy. I became suddenly aware of the implications of my decision when all of them entered the room to begin the meeting. A krogan, an asari, a turian and three humans, although there were also a salarian pilot, an asari doctor and two more humans somewhere. 

Being his former lieutenant, Evfra had been quite moderate just calling me _reckless_ and advising me to strike first before any of the aliens tried to kill me. But my true mother hadn’t been that nice and she spat at me all the adjectives she had in _Shelesh to_  describe the terms of my decision: _fool_ , _rash, imprudent and stupid,_ to end up with a proper mother lament regarding my personal security. In the end, and giving her my reasons, she had somehow accepted the fact that I volunteered to leave Aya in order to guide a group of unknown invaders across our galaxy. Considering how our last approach to aliens worked, I think she had actually been very soft. My reasons to join this craziness sounded stupid even for me right now and mothers are right most of the times, I had to give her that.

“I’m just saying, as far as the first contact goes, at least that it went better than the last one,” one of the female humans with short white _hair_ told the others. Her voice was somehow annoying, a little too aggressive. My translator was able to get the whole meaning of her sentence, which was certainly adequate given the circumstances. My visor detected strong biotics on her, as well as in the Pathfinder.

“Pff… only slightly,” another human with dark skin said. His voice was deeper and he was taller and broader. His characteristics matched a male human.

“Yeah! What happened? I wanted to look around!” Big blue eyes, no hair, sort of tentacles on her head… she was one of the asari on board.

“And now we have another mouth to feed. Whatever he eats.” That thing… A krogan… It was the most terrifying alien I have ever seen, and I've seen kett. My visor struggled to find any weak spot on his body, just in case I needed it. I frowned subtly once I got the full translation of his words, and I looked up, finding the whole group staring at me. _Skutt_ … what the  _stars_ I was doing in that ship surrounded by aliens all on my own?

“Do the translators work?” the turian asked and I was able to perceive a hint of sympathy in her subvocals. At least, something I was able to recognise, apart from some shared facial gestures with asari and humans.

I deep-breathed once before speaking, gathering self-confidence, taking one last look at the group of aliens in front of me. “They work,” I uttered with calmness but in a defensive tone. Having them all together in the meeting room gave me the chance to scan, analyze and record their physical and physiological characteristics, as well as their weaknesses. Ready to write a report to Evfra.  

“Come on, everyone. Can we just all please try to…Just listen up!”

Perhaps it was just an impression, but the Pathfinder didn’t seem to be totally in charge of the situation there. I already knew some of the circumstances of her leadership as the Resistance spies had been able to intercept some communications regarding her designation. She looked younger than the other humans. And inexperienced. 

“Begging… interesting strategy,” the krogan interrupted her and she pinned him on the spot with the coldest glare I’ve ever seen, making him shut up immediately even if the krogan nearly doubled her size: perhaps she was not as weak as she looked like.

“Jaal has offered to do what he can to help us access the vault on Aya,” she explained recovering the normal look and gesture. I couldn’t avoid the fact that her eyes had a beautiful blend of light brown, red and golden colour; amber as the tree leaves from my childhood in Havarl. Those trees don’t exist anymore: the deactivation of the Vault broke the whole ecosystem, killing half of the species and modifying genetically the other half. My home was degrading onto a savage jungle at a fast pace.

“How do we do that when we’re leaving the planet it’s on?” the turian with the metallic carapace asked the Pathfinder with an incredulous tone.

“That’s… actually a fair point. Jaal?” she asked, staring at me with her warm eyes wide-open in a gesture that meant something similar to _I need help_. I felt she had the strength. She might just lack the experience, but her performance in Eos was extraordinary, as our scouts had reported, and I was sure she would perform amazing things if we gave her the chance. 

“Seriously?”

“Settle down, Cora! Ryder’s right. There’s an angara right here. Let’s hear from the new guy,” Liam looked friendly and the closest one to the Pathfinder without any kind of doubt. 

It was my turn to speak, I supposed. So I stood up, getting closer to the table and I told the horror story my people had been suffering for 80 years now. The gestures became softer, all except for Cora's, understanding the reasons why angaras were not keen on helping any alien species: first because we thought we were alone in our galaxy. And secondly, because the only contact we had so far had ended with a non-stop war against the kett that had already exterminated half of our population. We were right in being cautious and that was what I tried to explain to them. I could feel the Pathfinder relaxing with my words, realizing her crew members were actually understanding her decision of leaving the planet and complete some quests to gain Evfra’s, and consequently, angaran trust. At least, most of them.  

“I don’t get how this is going to help us…” the krogan said, stubborn as his race seemed to be.

“I do. Help us - or rather help me - and I’ll vouch for you, right? Because angaras want inside Aya’s Vault, too,” Cora complained. 

I heard a loud thump on my right: the Pathfinder had banged the table with her fists, that emitted for a fraction of a second a purple glimmer. She startled the whole group with her outburst.

“Enough! If you have a better plan yourself, Cora, go and tell Tann and get the fuck off of my ship.”

The silence turned into a dense touchable ether around us and I suspected that there was a story behind Cora’s insubordinate comments I was not aware of. 

“I think this is our best shot,” Liam interceded after a little while, supporting the Pathfinder.

“Not that we have more options… Let’s do it,” the turian agreed.

“Can we go to Havarl first? Unexplored Remnant technology sounds exciting enough for me,” the blue asari said.

The Pathfinder looked for a little while at both planet holograms that floated over the table. I supposed she was trying to decide what the next step should be as not all her crew seemed to be very supportive with her decisions. “Let me have a little think about it. I’ll give you the briefing this evening. Jaal, can you send the coordinates of both planets to Kallo?” she asked without traces of her previous furiousness, her eyes warm again. 

I nodded my agreement: I was also under her command now. And it seemed that she could do with some more people by her side. Cora looked like a tough antagonist. Not to mention Drack. “Immediately,” I said. 

The aliens left the room while I put my datapads back together, sending a copy of the Resistance information about the planets to the Pathfinder’s terminal and the location coordinates to the pilot.

She was still there, next to me, her hands resting on the table, leaning forwards on it and looking at both holograms. And she looked… tired, perhaps?

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Jaal,” she told me, shaking her head. “As you can notice, the work environment is amazing... They are _a_ _pain in the ass_ sometimes.”

Such a non-literal language was a challenge for my translator and for me and I didn’t know if she was actually complaining about discomfort on her rear-self or about her crew. I inferred she meant the second one. “I… only understood half of that, I’m afraid. I suppose you are not in any sort of pain, so if you mean they are rebellious, I can tell you that you are acting according to the expectation for a leader. They shouldn’t be criticizing your decisions.” 

She smiled faintly at me, a gesture that had the same meaning in both cultures. 

“Perhaps one day I'll tell you how I ended up in the middle of this shit, to let you see the whole picture of the situation.”

“I’d like that, Pathfinder.” 

She stood up, recovering her datapad with a fluid movement and giving me a frown and a wrinkle with her nose. What was that meant to be?

“Jaal, I would rather you to call me Ryder if you don’t mind… like everyone else. Or even Sara. But I find _Pathfinder_ very… annoying, indeed.” 

Oh! I didn’t know that. But she was the Pathfinder, as well as the Moshae was the Moshae… But those were her orders.

“Ok… _Rydeer_ ,” I said. 

Wait, is that what she said? She chuckled softly. I guess that gave me the answer. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” she smiled warmly and repeated it slowly for me. “It’s _Ry-der_.”   

“ _Ry-derr_ ,” I articulated, paying full attention to the pronunciation, but she smiled again, so I complained about with a witty tone. “You’ve got a very quiet /r/ phoneme in your language. I don't think angaras are physiologically made to pronounce that." The truth is that I was slightly ashamed, trying to excuse my inability to copy the sounds. 

“Oh, Jaal, don’t worry. I don’t think I’m even able to say your family name properly. Not even in a million years. You can check it out whenever you want to.”

She was kind. “No need. We are good for now. I don’t want to embarrass you. Not yet,” I teased with a smirk. I regretted the familiarity and the joke when I heard her laugh: Evfra had advised me to keep my distance with all of them and keep my interactions short and professional. This conversation was not professional at all, but I liked it. At that moment I realized she looked more relaxed and she was actually very easy to talk to. Anyway, I decided to put myself together again and carry on with my duties, walking towards the ramp.

“Have you found a bed in the crew quarters?”

“Ehm, no. I’ll be occupying the technology lab, as I can lock the door there.” My intention was not to be rude, but I had to take precautions. And she had to know I was ready for anything, just in case.

“Ok… fair enough. I’ll ask Gil to send you a cot there. And, Jaal, I’m sorry again. Most of them are very friendly and I don’t want you to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable here, alright?”

I nodded my head and walked down towards my new quarters. She looked like the weakest one in that meeting at the beginning, but she was powerful, had a strong personality and she cared about the people in that ship. And about their species. She couldn’t be more different to Evfra, but she would be as a good leader as he was. Perhaps my decision had been the correct one, in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are really welcome! ^^


	3. That filthy sofa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Map of the Problematique

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV after Havarl, right before Voeld.

“I could have just squeezed her bloody neck until she turned as blue as Peebee. For fuck sake, who does she think she is? Why she has to be arguing all my decisions? Fuck!”

We had taken the sofa out of Liam’s quarters and we were both sitting on it in the middle of the cargo bay, watching Gil’s work, sharing a beer and having a very informal conversation about life. They were the only ones I could really trust in that ship. And Vetra. But she was busy with her sister at the moment.

I was complaining, obviously. Because in this sardines tin called the _Tempest_ we all lived in, the concept of privacy was nearly reduced to zero most of the times, so seeking solace with the members of my crew that were my friends had to wait. Sometimes even more than five days, like in this case. Besides, I was the Pathfinder and my tasks included being diplomatic with everyone and that included no bitching behind their backs. But she was driving me mad.

 _I was the lighthouse guiding our steps; the mirror where all my crew looked up to_ … That was what Tann said about me in front of the whole Nexus when I was introduced as the new Pathfinder. Words that Liam reminded me on a mocking tone every time he had the chance. 

“Well, you already knew she would be a hard nut to crack, but I’m glad Drack has finally seen the light,” my friend joked, and I couldn’t help but laugh, recalling the annoyed gesture of the krogan with our silly happiness during the incursion on Havarl, especially when splashed water on him. However, our interactions had been more sensible during the last few days. I really welcomed his divergent opinions and experience. But it had taken him a while to understand who was in charge of _my_ ship. Even if _all this_ hadn’t been my choice, I was only trying to do my best. And to save everyone in the meantime.  

“He thought we were insane and called us loonies … But it rained, guys. I mean… A proper storm! Do you know when was the last time I saw rain? More than 620 years ago!”

“I don’t blame you, girl. I would have done the same,” Gil said while tinkering with something under the Nomad, getting it ready for our disembark in the frozenness of Voeld tomorrow.

Most of us were born on Earth, but my family had to move due to my dad’s job when my brother and I were just four. I lived in a spaceship during my whole life. Only when I became older I was able to put my feet back on solid ground. But the rain… I couldn’t remember a storm like the one in Havarl before. It was beautiful. And magic.

“Well, you have to focus on the important: scientists are safe; Evfra seems to be as happy as he can, considering that he seems to be smelling crap all the time; Tann is accepting your decisions, more or less, and tomorrow we are going to enjoy the fabulous weather in Voeld!”

“Oh, gosh. Spare me your enthusiasm!” I complained of with a fake shiver. He was being sarcastic and I didn’t need to look at his face to see his sly smile. Voeld was a freezer and we would be taking turns on its surface, as none of us was completely safe of hypothermia and frostbite. Except for Jaal, as their species had plenty of time to create an effective warming armour in order to endure the kett assaults without succumbing to the temperature and the awful weather from the  _once-a-paradise_ planet. I wouldn’t be taking turns, either: as a Pathfinder, I had the responsibility to be there all the time. 

“How is the new guy doing, by the way?” Gil's voice sounded dull under the vehicle.

“I think he’s all right. Not very social, though, as he spends most of the time in the tech lab. But who can blame him? I would do the same being in a ship full of hostility,” I explained. The truth is that, even if Jaal had been quite skittish on board, he had proved his value during the missions: he had an amazing skill with technology and was a superb sniper. And he was kind and witty in a funny way, quite transparent and direct most of the times. The angara was still having some trouble with personal space, but it could have been something cultural. Ironically, he was still trying to keep his distance, not mingling with almost anyone while on the ship. But he got carried along some times, like in Havarl, where he showed his true self and shared my enthusiasm with the rain. And jumped in the puddles with me, too. Actually, I had to admit that I found his company quite enjoyable.      

“Ey, we are not all hostile. I wouldn’t mind being his friend… and warm him up tomorrow in Voeld, either.”

“Wow, Gil, is that a formal declaration? Perhaps we should tell him!”

“I’m old enough for not having a _go-between,_ thank you, Liam. He intrigues me, I have to say. But I don’t think he plays on my team.”

“How can you know that? I mean… he is an alien… he might play on both teams… or in none! Don’t you think it's time to ask him some questions? Come on, Ryder. You cannot tell me you are not itching for it. You are an Anthropologist! You should be interrogating him like the bad cop on a police film!” Liam and his similes. All joy. But he was right: I was dying for knowing more about their culture, their history… his story. 

“I thought it might be a little violent just to go asking straight away. I mean… we met a week ago and he is clearly keeping to himself. I don’t really want to make him feel uncomfortable...” 

Gil came from under the Nomad and gave me a wry stare and a twisted smile. “Are you telling me that Sara Ryder… the one who dealt with Addison in the Nexus and with a Remnant technology and Vault in Eos is scared of a purple angara?” he teased me.

“No, I’m just saying that, in order to not provoke an intergalactic conflict with our new-discovered friends, I would rather keep my questions to myself for now. Until… things are different. Or something...” My tone was slightly hesitant and it didn’t go unnoticed. 

Gil made a gesture, shrugging his shoulders, but Liam narrowed his eyes in suspicion. We knew each other pretty well already. Not that we had known for a long time, but we were quite similar and we got along immediately. Besides, he was there when my dad… Well. He was there. 

“Wait. You’re not scared: you were not scared of him in Havarl, nor in the Tempest either… You were actually quite close...” his eyes opened widely with the realization of what was going on. “For fuck’s sake! You fancy him! What’s going on in this ship? Do I need to paint myself purple in order to get a fling with anyone?” he said with the loudest and most surprised voice he was able to pretend. I hushed him off in a rush: this bloody ship was anything but private.

[“Pathfinder, Liam Kosta _has a point_ ,”] SAM said just for me, and I regretted the time I taught him that line. He was the only one who had noticed my little secret. Until now.

“I find him interesting, that’s it! Someone is gonna hear you. Stop!” I warned Liam with a murderous stare, but he carried on with the teasing. 

“I cannot believe it! I didn’t know you have such an exotic taste, Ryder. Not enough aliens in the Milky Way for you. You have gone straight away for the novelty!”

“Shit! Kosta, shut the fuck up! You are so annoying sometimes. Stop it!” I was laughing and begging at the same time, physically struggling with him to cover his mouth with my hand. He totally reminded me of my brother at that moment. 

Vetra entered the cargo bay then to find Gil roaring with laughter while rolling on the floor and me and Liam wrestling on his filthy sofa. “Ey, I could hear you from the elevator. Who's Ryder got a crush on?” she asked. And I totally gave up. 

“That is not…! You are a pain. All of you.” I said. I was not really annoyed: moments like those cheered my days up and help me blowing up some of my  _pathfinding_ - _responsibility_ steam.

“Oh! Sorry. It was just a joke,” Liam said, becoming serious instantly and I loved the fact that, even with the teasing, he was not giving my little secret away.

“It’s fine, you can tell her. _The more, the merrier,_ I suppose!” I leaned back with resignation.

[“Pathfinder, that sentence is inaccurate most of the times,”] SAM added in our inner channel.

My mind was a madhouse.

Vetra walked towards us and pulled her own dextro beer out from the small fridge. “No need to. I know it’s Jaal. You, humans, are so obvious. Since you both came back from Havarl the first day. Besides, you smell different every time he gets close to you.”

And at that moment, I could feel the heat coming to my cheeks and I blushed while Gil and Liam burst again in laughter. “No… don’t say that. Please, don't. You could smell… me? What the hell did I smell like?” I was totally in shock, but Vetra seemed to be as calm as always, which was pretty annoying.

“I don’t know… nervousness… excitement… happiness… I better keep the others to myself.”

“Does he smell different, Vetra?” I dropped the question because it burned me inside and the turian fluttered her mandibles in a smile with complicity. 

“You know I would tell you, but the truth is that I don’t know… He does. Slightly. But I’m not that good with their scents yet. Ask me in a couple of weeks.”

But suddenly I realized that I didn’t really know if he was able to do the exact same thing that turians did. What if he had smelled me, too? “Shit… SAM, can he…?”

“I am not in possession of that information, Pathfinder, as the data server hasn’t been updated yet about angaran characteristics. You will need to check with Dr T’Perro for further enquiries.”

“Ok, going to the med bay. If this gets out of here, I promise I will chop your fingers off and I will feed you to a Kaerkyn,” I said standing up in a hurry and stumbling with the tall turian and Gil on my way out to the cargo bay. Aliens were… well, we all had different physiology. I needed to know if I was as obvious to him as I was for Vetra. 

“C'mon, Ryder, is not that bad. You can also be a pioneer _pathfinding_ an angara,” Liam teased me again with a naughty smile and Gil hit him on the shoulder, bursting into laughter again. 

“Go for him, girl,” he told me without hesitation. “You only live once. But we'll keep the secret for now if that pleases you.” 

I went into the med and I have to admit that I felt strangely relaxed when Dr T’Perro informed me that angaras didn’t have such a developed sense of smell. Similar to humans but definitely not as developed as turians. In regarding feelings and physical reactions, their bioelectricity fulfilled that part of their interactions.

Great. Our doctor knew my little secret, too. 

Jaal was the worst possible person to have a crush on and it was also the worst possible timing. Literally everything was hanging by a thread and I really fancied my new Andromeda crewmate. Shit.                

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An ode to Liam's sofa and a little bit of friendship in the Tempest ^^


	4. Dinner and misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Falling away with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. Celebration after Havarl and Voeld missions. Before rescuing the Moshae.

The first week had been as tough as expected, trying to keep a _low profile_ with the aliens as Evfra had advised me. Well, more or less. Aliens that insisted in call me  _alien_ as well.

“Well, I guess we have to figure out what kind of aliens we will be in the end,” I said to _Ryderr_ when she came to the tech lab to have a little chat with me while travelling to Voeld just to make sure everything was all right. She was… kind. And passionate. And I was surprised when she asked me to join in with the others for dinner, even if I refused politely. She sounded honest in her interest in me, even if I threatened to kill her.

But she was… so difficult to read: obviously, no bioelectricity like angaras, no sub-vocals like turians, no direct feeling expressions, as well as most humans… Just the little subtle gestures, fluctuations on her voice and mild changes in her heart rate detected with my eye-scan. She told me she was an A _ntrropologist,_ studying and understanding different cultures, and asked me about spending some time together to know mine. Just a friendly chat. And it sounded great to me. So I completely ignored Evfra's order for her and I didn’t know exactly why.

Perhaps because she was unique and powerful, and totally alien, but she had something that was pulling me inevitably.

She looked amazed in Havarl, scouting every corner of the planet, surprised about the smells of the flowers and the texture of the leaves. Then, the rain. She told me she couldn’t remember the last time she actually felt the rain on her skin and her smile was sincere and relaxed. Her orange hair was damp against her face, her amber eyes were delighted with the sight of the planet and her armour and freckled skin soaked as if she had just gotten out of the shower, but she didn’t care at all. She laughed like a child enjoying something that was so mundane for me… Something I had forgotten the meaning of. And I got dragged by her enthusiasm: we both ended up jumping in the incidental streams and throwing water at each other. And at Drack, who was treating us like if we were insane and calling us _loonies,_ whatever it meant.

I discovered first hand her powers there. The _biotics_. She was able to create energy, as well as angaras did, but she used it to fight during the combats. It was fascinating, the way she directed it to pull and throw enemies, creating vortexes, knocking them down only using that purple energy... Would she be able to communicate using it? I needed to know more about it. 

And then, Voeld. It had been a _skkutting_  freezing nightmare as the planet always was. As expected. 

“There is no way you can keep your ass warm in this place,” I said to Liam and _Ryderr_ when cleansing out one of the kett camps that the Resistance had marked, driving in the middle of a snowstorm with no visibility at all.

“You’ve got a nice ass, I’m sure you’ll find someone eager to keep it warm,” _Ryderr_ teased me from the driver seat and Liam snorted next to me. The only thing I did was to show her a crooked grin, thinking over the fact she had just said she found my _ass_ attractive. But when I was about to answer something back, Liam interrupted me.

“Ok, do you prefer cold weather or hot?” he asked, then. We had been playing that game during the whole mission, asking questions to get to know each other better. Us and our species.

“Warm. I don't do well in the heat but nor in the extreme cold of this place, either. It’s been difficult for us to adapt to this climate once it changed. But it was our house once, we can't just give up on it,” I explained. "I prefer the warmness. And the sun."

“Well, a lovely planet with -40 degrees. I can’t think of anywhere better to spend your life,” he teased me.

“Fuck _over_ , Liam.”

“Off,” _Ryderr_ said.

“What?” I asked confused.

“Is _fuck off_. C’mon Jaal, if you gotta learn our slang, do it properly!” she joked, looking at me in the rear mirror.

“Fuck off then, you two,” I said in the end, and they laughed immediately.

It was just weird the way I ended up fitting in their group. The way they decided to accept me as one of them. In the end, I realized they were not that _alien_ at all. It had been very difficult to keep my barriers up in this situation: I have never been good at being cautious. So after we activated the Vault in Voeld I decided to drop by in the dining room for dinner for the first time ever.

“Look who has decided to join the rabble at last! Still not joining with the feast, though.” Liam's massive grin welcomed me when I got into the galley with my own nutrient paste to eat.

“Oh! So you are the angara we have on board, I see…” Vetra joked although we had shared a couple of days in Voeld, too.

“Don’t make regret this, I’m still struggling with my translator to get all the words you say,” I explained, sitting on an empty chair with the table already laid.

“Ey, leave the _kid_ alone! You can be very annoying sometimes. Jaal, are you gonna try my roast meat?” Drack said from the kitchen. He had grown a paternal feeling towards me. And towards _Ryderr_ too.

“Ehm… It’s an animal… I don't think I can...” I excused myself trying not to be impolite.

“Well, it was. Now is a steak!” Drack growled a laugh and it made me a little sick.  

“Jaal! I’m glad you decided to join us!” _Ryderr_ exclaimed with a warm grin, entering in the dinning-room with Peebee. I felt her hand squeezing my shoulder and she sat in front of me. Her beautiful amber eyes reflected her smile like a mirror. “Don’t let _grampa_ bother you, he always makes a vegetarian option for me. I can share it with you if you like.”

Still, I was not pretty sure. “I will need to scan it first, I hope won’t be offended, Drack.”

“Nah, no one wants and angara shitting his intestines everywhere. Or whatever you have… If you actually poo,” the krogan carried on.

“Ok, thanks for the picture. Change the topic, now!” Peebee demanded, sitting next to me. She was one of the ones I had less contact with. As well as with Cora. But she didn't seem to join in for dinner.

Potatoes, carrots, peas and textured soya  _meat_. Vegetables were edible for me, non-toxic and certainly nice but bland, although the soya thing which my omnitool completely advised me not to eat.

“Could be because is something processed, not directly grown. We eat a lot of processed food in here, we are absolutely disgusting. But it’s been the only way to survive when you don’t really have crops,” _Ryderr_ explained to me.

“May I ask why you don’t eat meat? Liam eats it and you both are the same species.”

“Well, is more conviction than anything else. Humans are omnivores, but we don’t really need the proteins from the meat if we can get them from somewhere different. I can avoid harming an animal, that way,” she explained.

“You are missing a delicious steak over here, _plant-eaters_. One of the last ones we have in the freezer. Not that we have a lot of animals to get the meat from, now...” Liam explained with a big chunk of it on his fork. 

“What do you eat then? What is your diet based on?” Vetra wanted to know. “Turians are mostly carnivores, but all we eat has to be dextro-based… I would have an anaphylactic shock if not. Now we only eat synthetic meat...”

“Dr T’Perro told me angaras are not that different from asari and humans, so I guess we can eat almost everything. Our diet is based on fruits and vegetables,” I explained. “Some components and additives from your processed food would cause me allergies, though. I don’t want to _push my luck._ ”

“You are making me feel proud about how fast you learn our idioms… Best adoption ever!” Liam pretended to rub a tear from his eye and I stared at him pulling a face. He was fun and I appreciated his efforts to make me feel welcomed. 

“Whatever happens, you must never try Ryncol. It doesn’t matter the situation you are into or how tiresome Drack gets. Don’t. Ever,” _Ryderr_ advised me with a witty tone.

“May I ask why?”

“Well, you’ll be bound in bed for a week or so if you do. And that’s if you survive, right Ryder?” Liam explained with a chuckle and _Ryderr_ nodded with a pained gesture touching her stomach, probably speaking of her own experience.

“Seriously, Jaal. Just don’t do it,” she told me.

“Such a delicate bunch…” Drack said in between chews of meat. “I don’t hear anyone complaining about your _beer_ and its bubbles. Disgusting…”

“Oh Drack, that’s not acceptable. Not even for me: I love their beer,” Vetra added. 

"To be honest, I have no idea what you are talking about now," I told the truth.

“Ok, tasting time!” Liam exclaimed with a pulling a face towards _Ryderr_ , stepping up and disappearing through the door. 

“Oh, shit, you don’t know what you’ve done." She looked at me shaking her head and chuckled, and I felt totally lost again, but somehow happy with her smile.

Peebee asked me about my favourite food and the components of the nutrient paste and tried a little bit of it. I had never had the chance to speak to her before but she seemed to be quite nice, with a lovely laugh, and she gained confidence with me immediately, pulling her chair closer to mine.

We were on those terms when Liam came back with a box. Gil was behind him with another one. “I can't believe you were about to begin a party without me... unbelievable,” he joked leaving the boxes on the table and getting out 12 different bottles from them while Liam pulled glasses out of the cupboard.

“This is an established and acceptable social mingling event for almost the whole Milky Way species. It can be defined as _Sit and drink,_ ” he explained to me.

“I don’t think we are that different, then. Angaras also have sort of intoxicating drinks and this kind of parties,” I said, realizing that what I had in front were different bottles with liquids inside.

“Ok, so, scan them all, check what you can drink and what you can’t and let’s get on with it!”

It turned out that I could only drink from three of them: red and white ecological wine and an ecological beer, which was disgusting, as Drack had said before. All the others had chemical components not compatible with my system. Drack opted for some of his  _Rink-ol_ , or however it was called, and Peebee and _Ryderr_ shared the white wine with me, although the first one was also drinking shots from an asari liquor.

 “So, stomach?” Gil asked.

“Yes.”

“Brain?”

“Yes.”

“Lungs”

“Plural?  _Yes_ to one.”

“That’s weird,” Liam added.

"How many do you have?" I asked.

"Two, like everyone."

"Krogan have four," Drack grunted from the corner.

“Dick?” Gil carried on.

“Yes, too,” I answered puzzled. “Why I wouldn’t have a dick?”

“I don’t know, you are from another galaxy!” Gil laughed loudly. "Internal or external?"

"Wait, is yours external? Not protected?" I asked, all puzzled.

“Don’t go that way, Mr Brodie, or you’ll get in trouble. I don't really want to see an alien  _gun-comparison contest_ on the table," _Ryderr_ joked and then she turned to me. "Have you ever seen a hanar? You have to see one... you are gonna _flip out_..." She used her omnitool to show me a kind of... big pink jellyfish alien that also lived in the Milky Way.

" _Stars_... That's odd. And interesting..." I said reading some of the info about that life form, leaning on the table to get closer to her. I was feeling a little intoxicated and she smelled nice, sweet, and I didn’t know exactly why her hair looked so lovely that day. Perhaps it was because she had it down and it was bright orange, like fire. A colour that in nature always means _danger_. She had those tiny brown spots everywhere on her milky face and on her arms. Would they go all the way down her neck and her chest as well?

 _Skkut_ , I was not looking at the hanar anymore: I was lingering my eyes on every inch of her. And she was looking at me now, a playful grin on her rosy lips climbing to her eyes.  

“Anything else you want to know about?” she asked me, taking me out of my daydream, making me smile because of the fact that she caught me.

“Lots of things, actually. But we can do it another day. Calmly,” I answered bluntly.

“I suppose it's a date then,” she whispered to me and her cheeks turned slightly reddish.

I couldn't help but smile. I had _a date_ with an alien and I couldn't process the implications of that sentence. I should stop drinking at that point.

Then, I initiated a conversation with Peebee, who was properly drunk, even more than me. She told me about asari reproduction, being the only ones in the whole Milky Way who were genetically compatible with every alien species. They kind of stole the DNA from the donor sometimes, being their genes always dominant on their descendants. The way she explained sex to me was out of my comfort zone by far, and I am an angara: I talk openly about anything. Although, as I didn't want to be rude with her, I followed the conversation politely, gaining a snort from Drack on the other side of the table. And then, she reached for my hand and entangled her fingers with me, fixing her blue eyes on mine. Wow, she was bold, quite direct, actually, but wasn't the hand contact too much? And it seemed I made a big mistake because, as I didn't want to be rude, I didn't move my hand away although I was pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation. Was she flirting with me? Did this have some different meaning I was not aware of? Would it be impolite to remove my hand, as I wanted to do? Why was _Ryderr_ looking at our hands? _Skkut_ , I didn't know what to do.

Liam caught my eye, shaking his head on the way humans say _no_ , which made me think I was messing up leaving my hand under hers, and I moved it away quickly.

Peebee looked displeased with my decision and complained out loud, twangy voice because of the alcohol, at the same time than _Ryderr_ stood up and got out of the dining room with a dry _good night_. Was she mad? Why she didn’t say anything?

I had the feeling I had just screwed up, and I was not very sure of why or how.

“Fuck, Peebee, go to bed and leave him alone!” Liam exclaimed, clearly annoyed.

“Come on you, blue randy bitch. I'll take you to your room,” Gil said.

“Eh! This is not my fault! You should be more obvious marking your _prey_ if you want to _bang_ them,” she stated, pointing at the humans and stumbling while standing up.

Ok. _Prey_? _Bang_? What was going on?

Once Peebee and Gil left the room, Vetra must have read the confusion on my face, because she spoke to me, kindly. “I know that what had happened here was a cultural misunderstanding, but if I were you, I would be careful with Peebee. Especially if you've got your eyes laid on someone else,” she said having a drink of her beer.

“Eyes _laid on_ …?” another idiom for sure.

“On Sara! As she has on you. You don't have to be a genius to notice that,” Liam added to the conversation with a crooked grin.

“Wait, how do you know that?” I asked, confused, as I tried really hard to be subtle with my attentions, given the circumstances. Although that's something angaras are not very good at.

“C’mon Jaal! Long stares while in the Nomad, hours of chatting in the common room, compliments to her hair, eyes, biotics… You are so fucking bold!” Liam laughed openly, same than Vetra.

“Ok... but how do you know if she is… interested?” My question was almost shy.

“Trust me, she is. But humans are difficult to read unless you are used to them,” Vetra shrugged. “Let’s say they feel slow… and want to be sure about everything before succumb. Am I right?” she asked, looking at Liam.

“More or less. But Sara... she's got _a lot on her plate_ now, mate. That means she's got a lot of things to think about and a lot of responsibility laid over her shoulders...” my friend explained. “My advice? Be patient. And don’t flirt with others in the meantime.”

“And don’t screw up, _kid_. If you screw up with her, I promise I'll kill you,” Drack added, leaving me in shock.

“I… don’t intend to. I’m sorry, I thought I was being polite with Peebee, not flirting! Did it look like flirting?” why I was saying sorry to Drack, anyway? He is not the one I should be saying sorry to.

Vetra and Liam made a face, meaning clearly _yes_.

“So, do you understand more or less what has happened?” Vetra asked me and I felt like when I was a student, being questioned by the Moshae.

“ _Skkuting teroshe_ … I think so... Peebee flirted with me in front of _Ryderr_ and I flirted back _unintentionally_. And _Ryderr_ is upset now because she's interested in me?” I asked.

“Sara is not usually like this. I mean, she would have told you if she's mad at you.” Liam said. “Probably she is just tired and not having a good day. And alcohol doesn’t really help.”

“I’m feeling bad now. Should I speak to her?” I asked, all mixed up.

“Piece of advice? If I were you I would leave it for tomorrow,” Vetra told me.

I sighed. I was glad I had some input about _Ryderr_ 's feelings towards me, but humans had turned out to be more complex than I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time Jaal wants to share a dinner with them. He begins to feel included in the group, comfortable with his new "friends", attracted to Sara... Obviously, sometimes still lost in translation because I cannot even imagine the cultural clash in that ship! (even considering they are not that different in the end). Vetra and Liam explaining to Jaal what is going on and matchmaking ^^


	5. Good to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV. After Havarl and Voeld. Before rescuing the Moshae.

I was embarrassed. Terribly embarrassed. And frustrated. I was venting it all with the punchbag. The only problem is that I was taking it very seriously and my hands were already sore, even with the gloves on.

["Pathfinder, I'll set an appointment with Dr T'Perro to treat your injuries once you are done with this _training_ ,"] SAM told me.

["Very, considerate. Thanks, SAM,"] I ironized.

["However, I would advise to take it easy in order to prevent further damage. And to preserve the punchbag integrity, too."] 

["SAM, I need a little bit of peace and quiet now. Would you mind?"] I scorned him. Sometimes, he got really annoying.

["Of course. I see you later, Pathfinder."]

["Thanks, SAM."]

Fucking SAM. _Mr Always Right_. But he was: Jaal did nothing wrong at all and I could see in his gesture that he was totally lost in translation. Peebee was a bitch. Well… to be totally honest, I was not even sure if Peebee knew about my crush on the angara as I hadn’t really expressed any interest in him out loud apart of some mild flirting and jokes during the missions. Peebee didn't seem to be very good at catching signals, either. Although Jaal had been quite bold with his compliments towards me recently...

The whole situation was confusing and annoying.

_Punch, punch, punch._

We were both somehow flirting and messing around like teenagers, but he was an alien, we met just three weeks ago, I was the Pathfinder… Why the fuck I was interested in him, with all the other aliens that were in the universe?! Why the hell I had a crush on the only alien on board who could provoke a diplomatic intergalactic conflict that might end with the extinction of the whole Andromeda initiative survivors? No pressure. I was insane, totally insane.

 _"Forget it,"_ I scolded myself.

_Punch, punch, punch._

And then someone stepped in the room, and he was broad, tall and violet. Great. I stopped immediately, out of breath, looking at him. I felt I owed him an apology, but he looked genuinely sorrowful. And he apologised first!

“Sara, I’m truly sorry about what happened yesterday. I needed you to know I don’t have any kind of flirtatious interest in Peebee. I am still not very sure about what is appropriate and what is not within all of you and I didn’t want to be rude to her… but it seems to me that I was rude to you instead. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression: I’m not a _Casanova._ ”

Wait. What? “ _Casanova_?” I asked totally knocked out before doing my best to contain a burst of laughter. He didn't come up with that word by himself. “How do you even know what that means?”

“Liam has explained to me a little bit…” Jaal admitted, still extremely serious and worried.

Liam, of course…. But I had to smile: he was really sweet. “You shouldn’t apologize, Jaal. I’m the one who should,” I said taking the boxing gloves off. “I’m not usually this discreet... confused… or contained. Is just… I’m really lost right now.”

“What do you mean?” he asked me, sitting on the sofa. I could feel this could become a long conversation.

“Well… what should I begin with…?” I said sitting by him and making myself comfortable. His eyes were locked on mine with determination, ready to unravel me. Have I already said he had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen?

“Probably beginning from the beginning would help,” he told me, still serious tone but clearly teasing.

“Ha, ha… Very funny.” I sighed after. “I feel like I've got a million eyes on me…” I corrected the idiom myself. “Controlling me, my actions, my decisions, my mistakes. Judging me… I'm overwhelmed about the fact of being the Pathfinder: I can’t afford to make any mistakes. Any of this was my choice,” I stumbled over the words.

“I understand you have a huge responsibility, _Ryderr_ ,” Jaal intervened, waiting for me to continue.

I didn’t really know how to link my thoughts at that point. How I would make myself understandable if I couldn’t even understand myself? I sounded ridiculous in my own head.

“So... I feel that everything around me... around us, is quite… fragile: the missions, the Resistance, my duty, our _alienness_. And I feel fragile as well, as I’ve never felt before. I can’t let my barriers down an inch…"  _Fuck, another idiom,_  I realized looking at his confused face. “Ok, I can’t speed things up because I need to be sure, a hundred per cent sure about everything. Because I can't allow myself to screw anything up. Does this make any sense?” I was not really sure at that point.

“More or less…” Jaal told me, trying to decipher my words and probably more baffled than he was before.

“The point is that I'm a mess right now, Jaal… But I do really like having you around, specifically you,” I said in the end, impossible to be more coherent.

His face changed. Even if he only half-smiled, his eyes shone. “Because of my skill and knowledge?” he asked me with wittiness.

“No… not really,” I admitted with a playful grin.

“Because you enjoy spending time with me as much as I do with you?” his tone was completely different now, intense.

I smiled for setting the answer and I nodded my head slightly. I have just declared my interest… and it hadn’t been that difficult. Why I didn’t do it before? I realized that, if the circumstances where different and I wouldn’t have been the bloody Pathfinder, we would probably be in bed already, not worried about the results of our intergalactic mingling. I missed that other  _me_. 

“I am aware that this whole _situation_ between us is quite... exceptional. It is for me, too, trust me. I don't mind to take things calmly: we'll have the chance to get to know each other better." How could he sound so settled and so secure? He had just shaped the words I have been mumbling without effort. "So… now everything is said and clear… We had a _date_ , remember?”

I chuckled, amused. “Well, do angaras actually have _dates_?” I wanted to know.

“Of course we do!” he looked quite offended. “How do you think we find a mate? Although we are usually quite direct… I mean, we feel intense and we act intense, too. We are good discerning our own feelings and showing them to the others, I guess is a mixture of biology and culture. It doesn’t take us long to… well, you know, to feel attraction. And to say it.”

I hope this all was not a metaphor for _love_ , but I smiled with the realization he didn’t want to pressure me. Actually, he was adapting himself to my ways. Would he feel that for me already? Gods, I would rather not think about it. I might also be making this all up. I decided to change the topic, radically. “How do you hear if you don’t have ears?”

He suddenly looked absolutely puzzled. “Ears? What do you need ears for?”

“Ears and inner ears… for hearing?” I know I sounded sceptical… probably a bit ironic, too.

“I'm... not really interested in physiology, but there's something about the vibration and the soft tissue of our cowls. Dr T’Perro might be able to inform you better than me,” he answered.

“And your bioelectricity? How it is created and what do you use it for?” I might have sounded too eager because I made him laugh, with that lovely deep rumble.

“Again… probably you should speak to the doctor because I don’t know how it is produced, although I know it is linked to the way we process the energy we absorb the sun. What I can tell you is what we use it for: communication. It generally expresses feelings, giving a constant non-verbal input, emphasizing or complementing the speech. As subvocals do in turians, I suppose. Sometimes it fluctuates in intensity with strong feelings or sensations and can be somehow stored and directed, but not like your biotics, though.”

Suddenly I remembered something. “When we first met, I felt a strong static sensation that made my hair bristle after you argued with Evfra in the Resistance HQ. Was it because of his bioelectricity?”

“Probably a combination of his and mine. It was… a quite aggressive conversation, actually. However, I don’t think you can feel it all the time, probably just when the feeling is very strong or if you are in direct contact with us.”

“Would you show me what it means?” My interest was totally honest and he seemed delighted with the idea.

“Here, touch my head,” he said, grabbing my hand with his and placing it on the side of his cowl. I felt a soft ticklish pulsation on my palm and I smiled like a child. 

“What does it mean?” I asked him, still amazed.

“A sort of confidence and happiness, I suppose,” he smiled back, leaning his head into my hand.

His skin was extremely soft and warm and I decided to slide my hand down slowly, caressing his head. He closed his eyes and there was a slight change in the electricity, growing more noticeable. He looked completely relaxed and I decided to enjoy the feeling for a little longer. But the tingles in my hand stopped when I reached his scar. “Jaal… what happened to you?” the question was blunt and risky, as I perfectly knew angaras were not keen on talking about illnesses or wounds. He opened his eyes and straightened his head with a serious expression now. For a second, I thought he wouldn’t tell me.

“I was in a mission with the Resistance, in Havarl. We were ambushed and I was shot. The kett took some of the other soldiers with them, but they left me there for dead. Doctors thought I wouldn’t make it.”

My fingers traced the creases of his head for a little longer, circling the scar without touching it. It was huge, clearly visible on the left side of his cowl. I decided to downplay the gloomy atmosphere at the moment. “It makes you look kind of badass actually,” I said with a crooked smile. “Some girls like scars like that.”

“I hope so,” he said after a little while, changing his thoughtful gesture and staring me in the eye with a playful grin that made me blush slightly.

He opened his mouth and looked quite insecure about how to ask me something. Unbelievable. 

“I… I am curious about something and I haven’t asked you about it… Your hair… May I touch it?”

His solemnity and his shyness made me chuckle. However, I nodded immediately and I let my hair down, removing my hairband. I had to say I was hugely proud of my hair texture and colour, the legacy of my mum’s family, although it was really long recently, more than shoulder length. Jaal looked fascinated just with the vision of it, not to say when he raised his hand and curled his fingers on a lock, sliding them down after, pulling it gently and with care until he reached the tip.

“It’s so soft… I thought it would break if I pulled it,” he sounded amazed.

“And yet you pulled it,” I joked, and he showed a thin cheeky smile, entangling his fingers softly but with more confidence now, and repeating the same movement than before, combing my hair, following the whole process with his eyes.

“Why it is orange? There are not many humans with orange hair, are there?” he wondered.

“It’s genetics… I am not really interested in genetics” I teased him, recalling his previous words. “It’s true that is not a common colour. My grandma had it, too, but not even my brother..” Mentioning him made my heart weight like a ton of bricks, so I just kept talking. “Humans are pretty diverse regarding our genetics and our features. Hair colour is one of them. Also facial structure, complexion, eye colour, skin colour… we are all quite different from the others.”

"And what is its function?" Good point.

"None, I suppose. Vestiges of our monkey origins, I think..." His puzzled stare was expressive enough for me to develop further. "Ok, let me explain... Humans evolved from animals. Specifically, from monkeys. We were all covered in fur, but we lost it with the evolution, as it was pointless for the survivance. I think it only has an aesthetic purpose, now."  

He hummed with interest, still caressing my hair. “And what makes you attractive? Under human eyes I mean.”

That was kind of a tricky question, actually. And I frowned, considering the answer. “I don’t think we have an established beauty stereotype. It’s quite subjective, depending on the person's taste.”

“Liam thinks you are pretty, but he also insisted he is not interested in you that way.” 

I snorted. Unbelievable. They have been chit-chatting about me behind my back… But I promised boldness, no time for being modest now. “I guess I am. Not beautiful, but attractive. Lots of humans find redhead people interesting, my facial features are harmonious, my lips... And nice eyes. My body is kind of nice too… Lean and muscular...?” It was really weird to describe attractiveness to an alien… But I was really interested in knowing what he thought about himself. Angaras didn't seem to have the same genetic variety than humans but I was aware that Jaal worked out in the mornings and had brought with him some _skincare_ products. He also had impressive eyes, somehow different from the other angaras, and his skin colour was also kind of uncommon. “Now is your turn to rate yourself. Are you attractive for angaran standards?” I asked.

He seemed modest and he blushed slightly in deep purple colour, a hand pulling again a lock. “I suppose I am…” he said in the end. “My skin colouration is quite peculiar and I’m more muscular than most males. My voice and the Havarl accent is quite uncommon now... it sounds appealing for my people. And my _jinesh_ is glossier than most, too.”

Ok… _neck flaps_ was the translation provided for that word… that was odd. But I agreed with all the other. When I came back from my thoughts I realized he had come really close to me, his head nearly resting on mine examining my hair. He was still having problems with personal space, although this time it was not intimidating. Not even uncomfortable. It was more… personal. And I liked it. Then, he leaned forward and smelled my hair lock.

“What are you doing?” I laughed, amused, and probably a little embarrassed too.

“Sorry. I know humans don’t do it… Mmm… Liam told me is kind of _creepy?_ But angaras have a sensitive smell sense. And your hair… it smells like you. It’s nice.”

He totally left me offside, especially with his proximity. I was about to say that he also smelled nice when his focus changed and, instead of combing my hair, he caressed my scalp with gentle soft movements. That was actually quite personal. Quite close. Intimate. I should have told him. Instead, I close my eyes and enjoyed the moment for a little while, until a shiver made me shake, covering my arms with goosebumps. And Jaal moved his hand away with promptness and I could read on his expression that he didn’t know at all what was wrong with me.

“Are you all right?” he asked me with a hint of concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I explained with a smile. “Sometimes, when caresses are… let’s say enjoyable, there’s an involuntary nervous reaction and this is the result. It can also be triggered by cold or fear… humans are not very well built, as you can see,” I joked and he smiled but didn’t tangle his fingers back in my hair and I missed it immediately.

“I see… I like your hair, _Sara,_ ” he uttered with a warm smile. 

I already knew angaras used their actual names even with their Resistance officials. It had a closeness and personal meaning and it was the first time he called me Sara. I had been _the Pathfinder_ and _Ryderr_. Even  _the human alien_ in a quite scornful pitch when he video-called Evfra the first day. Being _Sara_ would be a nice change.

“I think we should do this more often. I mean, you and me… and a chat over a cup of tea…” I suggested, waiting for his reaction.

“Yes. I’d like that,” he agreed.


	6. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Dig down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. After rescuing the Moshae.

I just wanted to be left alone.

The Moshae was safe: we had rescued her that same afternoon. Terribly weak but, against all odds, alive.

“She’ll be fine, Jaal, but she has to rest now,” Dr T’Perro told me before dismissing me with a genuinely concerned pitch. “Jaal, if you need to talk… about what you saw there… about what you discovered... Just come to me, or to any of the others. You've got friends here, you know you are not alone.”

I suppose I was grateful for her words, but I was still in shock. I just ducked my head as a goodbye and walked towards the tech lab, not really paying attention to anything around me at all.

The horrors we found out in the kett facility… I don’t believe I was even able to think about them. I just couldn’t process them. So, once in my domains, I sat on my inflatable bed with my gaze lost in the furthest wall, cuddling my legs. Very soon, flashes of the day began to come back to me.

Evfra had informed us that the Moshae had been kidnapped and Sara offered her help to rescue her. She had her IA, SAM, who had been able to crack the kett defences before, so Evfra agreed on us to join the rescue mission. We met with the commander Heckt, Owwin, Skaelv in Voeld and the shutter took us to the facility: the one with the black legend, where no one had come back from. I had worked with the commander before, strike missions mostly, and I knew he was a decent guy, very capable and good at his job. I didn’t know much about the others but Evfra spoke wonders about the team, and I totally trusted his criteria and was more than enough for me. They gave us the distraction we needed to explore the place, Sara, Cora and me, in search of the Moshae Sjefa.

And soon, the horror began. The facility looked like an ongoing medical research station with decontamination rooms and scientific labs. During our incursion there, we ended up in a control room with a view over the patio. A group of kett were down there, performing a kind of ceremony. Four angaras were standing there, waiting without opposing resistance. Four pods appeared then and the angaras  _voluntarily_  entered in them, being called _the chosen ones_ by the Cardinal. _Skkut_ , they didn’t fight at all! They just obeyed blindly, lacking any kind of will or control over themselves. Were they brainwashed? The kett were annulling our will, I didn’t know how, but it was a fact. Once they were in, the pods moved away on a rail and I realized with horror how many of us were locked in them: hundreds probably. I was overwhelmed, feeling the bitter taste of anger at the back of my tongue.

“Sara… We have to save them!” I said, strong anguish choking me when I was recovered enough to speak again.

“We are here… let’s do everything we can,” she answered me with concern, and I knew I could trust her because she would do it.

“Thank you."

“That wasn’t the plan,” Cora replied then, clearly in disagreement.

“Plans change,” Sara answered dryly, giving her a stare that made her quiet.

I couldn’t be more thankful at that point. She was a blessing for my people and I needed her to know.

But the horror didn’t finish there.

We got locked in another decontamination chamber with something terrible going on in the next room. Not in my deepest nightmares I could have imagined anything similar to what we discovered there.

One of my people, a male, younger than me… He could have been one of my brothers. The Cardinal took him out of the pod. And she… she stabbed him with two syringes with a dense black liquid inside. And the angara screamed in agony while his skin cracked, bubbling, melting and turning into a black compound. And then, he fell on the ground, still crying in pain, until he got quiet and still. _Stars_ , I couldn't…. I was horrified with the realization that he had turned into one of them… She turned him into a kett.

I remembered I threw up under Cora’s and Sara’s concerned sight and then I was dragged by true and pure hatred. I screamed in distress, running towards the Cardinal, confronting her on my own, putting myself and the mission at risk. But I couldn’t think properly. I let Sara down with my blind actions. I disobeyed her order to remain quiet. I just… I couldn’t do it. I had to end that. I had to finish her.

The angara… the kett… he expired when I kneeled down by him, shot by Cora in the chest. And remember I wept with grief, and Sara gave me time: time to mourn. She sent Cora to carry on with the exploration, locating the Moshae and I felt her warm hand on my shoulder, reassuring. 

“Jaal, I’m sorry.  How can I help? What do you need?” she asked me, obvious worried pitch.

“That's kind. I… I don’t know” I answered in shock.

My movements became automatics after that. We found the Moshae and she was injured and weak, but alive. She commanded Sara to destroy the temple with all her might, although I begged her not to: many angaras were still waiting for rescue in the pods. And Sara listened to me, even knowing that the decision would put the Moshae against her.

We all survived: the Moshae was in the med bay recovering and 200 angaras were rescued from the _skkuting_ place. Angaras that would be back in their homes, children that would recover their parents, their siblings... But I couldn't erase the deep dark hollow in my soul, knowing the truth. Back in the safety of the Tempest, the tears rolled again down my cheeks without me noticing. My throat and my chest hurt and I rocked back and forward involuntarily, recalling. The pain... that pain… Realizing they were us… We were them... All the deads… How many of them had I killed, not knowing?

I was still grieving when someone knocked on my door. And I knew it was her.

 “Jaal?” she asked from outside and her voice sounded broken.

“It’s open,” I said, and she made her way in, insecure steps towards my bed.

She tried to form a smile but it didn’t work very well, so stared at me with concern, instead. I noticed she had been crying too.

“It’s kind of you to check on me. But I’m all right.” She shook her head and I realized tears still rolled on my cheeks: I have always been a terrible liar.

Sara didn’t say a word. She kneeled next to me on the bed, very close, and circled me with her arms. Her forehead rested on the side of my _jinesh_ , near to my face, and I could feel her sweet steady breath on my skin. She couldn’t be comfortable on that position and I noticed how much smaller she was compared to me as her arms were not able to embrace my shoulders completely. But it felt well. Natural. Right.

“There is an ancient refrain in Earth… _Ignorance is happiness_ ” she said after a while, and I chuckled softly. She stated then, with pain. “I wish I could do more, Jaal.”

“You have done more than enough, Sara: you saved my people and rescued the Moshae. You’re kind,” I said with a sigh.

I don’t know how long we stayed there: it could have been two minutes, or perhaps two hours. She stayed with me in a tight cuddle, cradling me in her arms until I stop shuddering with my tears. Drack had told me a couple of times krogan never cry: it’s a sign of weakness. Not even in front of their families or their friends. The same than turians, as Vetra explained to me another day. Humans do… sometimes. Under particular circumstances, or just in front of people they trust. But Liam was quite specific with the fact that it depends on the human, as well as so many other things. I thought they were all as emotionally different as their physique was. Angaras don’t have inhibition in showing our emotions: we cry, we shout, we love in front of everyone, and it's just right. Normal. And she was accepting me as I was: _alien_. Sara was holding me in her arms, the way angaras did, and I’m sure that if she would have been able to, she would have used even bioelectricity to calm me down. To promise me everything would be all right.

I had to go on. It was the only way my people had been able to survive all this time: going on. Overcoming difficulties and fighting together. Even with the dreadful discovering, we had rescued the Moshae and we had hope. I had hope.

I wriggled a little, releasing my legs from my arm clasp and breathed deeply a couple of times, Sara still squeezing me and burying her face in my neck. I raised a hand to caress her shoulder, trying to make her aware that I was just fine, but she didn’t move at all.

“Jaal…she said I don’t care for your people because I didn’t blow up the temple… and that’s the reason why she’s not going to care for mine…”

She bewildered me and I tighten my grip on her arm with reassurance. The Moshae I knew would never say that. That could not be. I noticed she was making a huge effort to keep herself together, trying not to cry, which was a pointless formality after having me  _crying my eyes out_ in her arms.

“She is in shock, Sara. That’s what Dr T’Perro said. Give her some time, she'll change her mind.”

Deep-breathing a couple of times, she nodded quietly.

“You… saved my people. You chose to save them against her will. You made the right choice and I can’t be more grateful for it,” I said, using my bioelectricity to send a reassuring wave, even if she couldn't understand it. “She’ll become aware of that, I'll help her to realize.”

She sniffed one last time still with her forehead resting on me. And then, she moved and leaned forward towards me. I felt her lips on the skin of my cheek on a brief, soft and warm kiss. It took me by surprise, although I was already aware that humans kissed. Moving back and sitting up on the bed still on her knees, she pulled herself back together.

"I should go and check on the others, Jaal. Call me if you are able to contact Evfra: he must know what we found…”

I lifted my hand to dry a single stray tear on her cheek and that drew a faint smile on her lips. It was not a happy grin, but a concerned gesture. We exchanged glances before she stood up and left my cabin.

And I was left alone with my thoughts again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short one, this one, but enough pain and grief. Next one will be fluffier, I promise.


	7. What reassignment?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Survival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV. After rescuing the Moshae.

"Well, she knows how to play to a crowd,” I mentioned to Jaal, who walked next to me, observing the confident movements of the scientist icon from Aya in front of the mass of angaras that packed the docking bay to greet her.

“Of course she does: she is the Moshae,” he plainly explained with a thin smile dedicated to me, as if my comment didn't make sense at all. 

I was aware that they both had long conversations in the Tempest, most of them involving Evfra on the other side of the comm. They were trying to figure out how to tell their people what they’ve seen. What we’ve learnt. A huge responsibility considering the importance of the truth discovered. Jaal looked… simply exhausted. His coping mechanism was to keep himself as busy as he could when he was not being required by his duties: he had worked out every morning and evening, begun a blog to teach us some _Shelesh_ , helped Gil repairing the Nomad, upgraded a Forward Station amplifying the mineral deposit sensors… And I was sure he was keeping himself up at night too, because of the modifications his Initiative manufactured omnitool had seemed to magically grow during those days. It was clear for me he was not alright and when I brought the topic up, he just confirmed it - Angaran sincerity and boldness again - but he also assured me that he would be. I guess we all deal with our sorrows in a different way and, even if I ordered him to get some sleeping pills from Lexi, he refused.        

I woke up from my thoughts when my name popped up on their conversation.

“Without the Resistance and the Pathfinder, I wouldn’t be here,” she said and both, Evfra and Paaran stared at me with a hint of appreciation, probably waiting for me to say something.

“I’ve got the best team,” I answered, quickly and dryly, with the thought of her blaming me for not destroying the kett facility still lingering in my mind. 

“It was more than that,” Jaal added on my left. “We freed more than just the Moshae. And the Pathfinder killed the kett leader.”

I looked up at him and smiled gratefully, even if his eyes were not meeting mine. He was still holding the Moshae’s gaze in a sort of non-verbal communication I was clearly missing.

“Jaal is right,” she continued after a little while, turning her head to look at the other angaras. “She took the decision to save our people and… she made the correct call.”

I froze for five seconds that seemed like ages, trying to process her words while Jaal grinned tiredly by my side. I tried not to show surprise but my wide-opened eyes and face betrayed me. Truth being told, since our first verbal exchange in the Tempest after her rescue - you can also call it an argument - I hadn’t spoken to her again: she was busy, I was busy and annoyed and I am also very good at finding excuses to procrastinate. It was a childish reaction, I know. But that is me. Clearly, Jaal had pulled some strings, smoothing things over. 

“This is a war we can only win if we fight together, and the Pathfinder has proven herself worthy of our friendship. We have to help each other,” she finished with a smile towards me and I couldn’t help but smile back, still assimilating her words.

We had angara’s help and support and access to Aya’s Vault. _Fuck, yeah!_

I could have sent a bioelectricity wave if I had been able to. Instead, I glanced to my left and showed a broad smile to Jaal, trying to show my relief, my happiness and my gratitude all at once. And he mirrored my gesture back, sparkles in his beautiful eyes, satisfied about the outcome before he turned to speak to Liam and Drack, guiding them to the dock exit to show them where the Taveetan was. I stood right there, savouring the feeling of warmness his smile provoked in my chest and following his steps with the other members of my crew. I couldn’t be more thankful and... _Wow_ … his back was broad. Was it possible that the ridges of his cowl were kind of glowing? That would be a question to note down in case we have a next _date_.  

“He has grown fond of you, Pathfinder,” someone interrupted my daydream.

Ok, time back to Earth… or to Aya, better said. 

The Moshae Sjefa was in front of me with a kind look in her eyes. Perhaps too kind. She was staring with a soft grin, but not teasing at all. What did she mean?

“I… I have, too,” I admitted. 

Eloquent. Brilliant. Well done, Sara. At least you haven’t stuttered. She chuckled and I rushed to change the topic, but I guess I blanked out. A second after, I found myself hugging her, and I knew she was surprised about it because she stiffened her whole body in shock.

“Thanks for your support,” I said while squeezing her and I could nearly hear an _Aww_ coming from my crew behind us. I had done my homework and I knew angaras like hugging. Anyway, her immobilism was getting weird, not even daring to raise her hands to touch me, until after five seconds when thoughts about having messed the whole new cooperation agreement echoed in my mind, she hugged me back. And I sighed with relief.

“I’ve been told that humans like keeping their distance. I might have been wrong-informed,” she told me above my ear as she was taller than me, totally amused. 

“That’s usually true… But I’m sure we can find a common baseline,” I explained, finally unclasping her. 

She glanced at Jaal with a kind of face before speaking back to me. “I would be glad to show you our Vault. We can depart immediately,” she said making a gesture with her head inviting me to follow her to the shuttle. 

I was about to walk with her when I overheard Evfra’s voice behind me, addressing my new angaran companion. “Well done, Jaal. Report for reassignment,” he said dryly before turning around with a scowl, like always.

_Wait... what?_

Someone said something about having full access to the city and I nodded, still processing Evfra’s words, while my crew patted my shoulder and my back with greetings, heading to the city doors in a fantastic mood. 

“We’ll wait for you at the club! Or whatever they have here!” I heard Liam said.

I tried to glance at Jaal, but he was following the others already. 

_Reassignment?_

He didn’t look back at me.

Was I the only one worried about the meaning of those words?

Well… we could still see each other, I suppose. This was clearly not an end.

[“Pathfinder, the Moshae is waiting for you by the shuttle,”] SAM enounced.

[“Shit _,_ right. Step by step. Saving the world first. Let’s go,”] I decided. 

 

***

 

Discovering that all the Vaults and the intricate net connected with one central point was a revelation. Meridian. At last, we had something to aim for. If we wanted to make Heleus fully habitable for us and get rid once and for all of the kett, Meridian had the key. 

I was totally lost in my thoughts while walking the beautiful city, trying to make my way to the Resistance HQ. But I was not really admiring it because I was focusing all my might in forming a diplomatic and assertive speech for Evfra. It is difficult to deal with someone who despises you and doesn't make any effort to hide it, although I knew first hand that he was impressed with my biotic skills and the mission’s results had met his expectations. Perhaps he was starting to look at me as someone akin: he was clearly a strong leader and I… well, I was working on it. Making some mental bullet points to tackle the issue, I decided to explain that Jaal was a precious member of my crew and I could not do without him. I didn’t really have such a splendid sniper in my ranks and his technological abilities were also fantastic. I would also highlight the fact that we still needed an envoy and… well… someone to tinker with all our gadgets on board, perhaps?

Before I had time to rehearse the speech again I had arrived at the headquarters, already waiting outside the Resistance leader’s office. And the door slid open without warning. 

“Evfra, I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a request to make about…” I began with a firm tone, being up to my Pathfinder diplomatic role as I had never been before. And I stopped myself immediately when I saw the two angry standing angaras that were glaring at me, clearly annoyed by the interruption. The air was charged with electricity, although one of the looks softened immediately.

It took me just one second to realize that Jaal and Evfra were actually arguing and I have just interrupted them. 

“What the _skkut_ is my door guard doing if not _skkutting_ guarding my door!?” Evfra roared, slamming both hands on his desk and startling me. 

The situation was intimidating, but it was time to put my big girl pants on and face that bloody always-pissed-off angara. “Sorry for the interruption, Evfra, but there was no one outside. Carrying on with my request,” I said with seriousness and a calm tone that made him furrow his brow immediately, “I need you to know that Jaal Ama Darav’s skills have been extremely helpful in our missions. I’d say nearly vital: he’s a fantastic sniper and an even better technologist. The problem is that we are not even halfway through our mission: we still have battles to win and worlds to conquer for the common benefit. I _do_ need him on board, fighting for our interests and being the Resistance link within my people, if you agree. I can’t manage without him”

I wanted to cheer myself: nicely done, Sara!

Jaal was static in front of me with a tender grin on his face. But Evfra’s gesture could be placed in between tenacious rage and sardonic smirk. “Well, I can confirm now that you are deeply needed in the Tempest, Jaal…”

And then he fiddled with his translator, disconnecting it and saying something to Jaal in _Shelesh_. And he blushed up deep violet. “That is none of your business,” he answered back sharply while I flicked my eyes from one to another, trying to figure out what was going on. 

Evfra showed the smuggest smile that I had never seen in my life and said something else before connecting his translator again. “Ok. Request granted. I want daily reports about everything. I hope you have a good time, Lieutenant.” He was clearly teasing. 

And Jaal smiled at him.

What the heck was going on? 

Obviously, there was a big chunk of a bioelectrical conversation I’m sure I was missing in between them. “Thank you… I guess,” I said to Evfra with a confused gesture obtaining a dismissive duck from his head and a dry S _tay strong_. 

The leader of the Resistance kept going with his paperwork then, sitting back on the table, and Jaal walked towards the door, waiting for me to follow him out. 

 

***

 

“I was not sure if you wanted to stay,” I broke the silence after we left the Resistance HQ.

“What? Why I wouldn’t want to?” he seemed utterly confused about my affirmation, glancing at me with his sparkly eyes. 

“Well, because I don't know what kind of life you had here before. I mean, you had a role in the Resistance and Evfra clearly respects you. You are his Lieutenant, do you really want to give it all up to help us?”

His eyes were deep as a tropical ocean under the soft Aya’s sunlight and his skin colour contrasted enormously with the white and green environment around. Violet didn’t seem to be a very frequent colour in angaras as the majority of the ones I saw in the city were blue or grey, or even some shades of green… he might be kind of the _redhead_ for his kind. I guess we were both odd. Or, as he would say, _unique_.

“I’m not giving anything up accompanying you: the Resistance would still be here and Evfra too.” He made a soft mock when speaking about the blue angara. “In the best case, we won’t need to fight against the kett never again. I feel that my place is by your side. You are making incredible things, Sara. Things that will change the course of history, for your people and for mine. And I want to be part of it with no doubt.”

His low pitch was smooth and soft as velvet in my ears: the way he said things, his honesty, his passion… That was his strength and my weakness. He had everything so clear, he could ever see through me, through my feelings in a way I was not even able to dream of. “I am really glad of your words, Jaal and… I do really want you to stay by me,” I admitted, and his eyes shone, a grin climbing up to them from his lips. He had wrinkles around the tip of his eyes. I never noticed before.

We walked for a little while as he explained me things about Aya with his lovely Havarl accent, like the fact that they took turns for living there, like a lottery game, or that the Scourge and the black hole kept the small habitable portion of the planet hidden from the kett, me absorbing information like a sponge. I guess he tried to distract me about the fact some angaras stared at me as if I was a former kett walking freely in their city. The curiosity unconcealed looks were understandable, however.

“Well, what do you think of it?” he asked me when we reached a viewpoint balcony, leaning slightly on the railing. 

I copied his gesture, resting my arms and my chin on it, scanning the burning volcanic horizon, comparing it to the green Eden oasis where we were. “I think I could get used to this,” I said plainly, enjoying the beauty around us. 

And he looked extremely pleased with my answer. “We take turns living here, you can see why,” he explained. 

“You seem relaxed. Better. There is a sparkle in your eye…” I began, but he cut me with a chuckle.

“I am… thank you. Is nice of you to notice,” he said with a soft tickle of his statics flicking around me, also soft grin on his lips. He looked quite praised with that subtle detail I mentioned and I smiled with the realization that, perhaps, his communication was not that unintelligible as I thought at the beginning and I would be able to untangle the meanings hidden in his bioelectricity. No, not just his bioelectricity: I would like to untangle him all. 

“You are… captivating, Jaal,” I said, being my quote of daily boldness met immediately.

He chuckled again, more than sure flattered about my comment. “And you are delightful, Sara” he answered back, piercing me with his impossible eyes and making me blush before getting lost again on Aya’s horizon line.

We spend a few minutes in comfortable silence but, all of a sudden, his argument with Evfra popped back in my mind. “Jaal, what were you arguing about when I came in? Evfra and you, I mean.” He seemed surprised when I dragged him out of the contemplation.

“Ah, that… I was requesting to remain in your ship, actually. I really think that you expressed it better than myself.”

“Ok, but what did Evfra say? Why did he turn the translator off?”

The angara next to me snorted and I could feel some purple creeping back to his cheeks. It took him a little longer to begin his speech and I noticed that he didn’t seem quite secure about how to shape the words. “He… joked about me having a _kink_ with aliens and asked me if I… well, if we had already gone to bed together,” he explained. I muttered an acknowledgement sound thinking about the fact that he had softened those words for sure. “Then, he joked about you begging for me in the Tempest and told me not to screw things up this time… with you, he meant.”

“Wait, what? So, that was the reason for the smile?” I asked, surprised. 

“Evfra’s style. He told me he was ok with it _,_ ” Jaal explained to me with a thin embarrassed grin.

However, a little part of it sounded strange. “ _This time_ , Jaal?” I asked with an eyebrow raised and an incredulous smile, and he chuckled awkwardly. 

“It’s a long story… Would you mind if I tell you later? We are already late to meet with the crew at the _Taveetan_.”

I pouted, narrowing my eyes in a mock of a suspicion face. “Fair enough, _Casanova_. Let’s go,” I uttered ironically, making sure he saw my smile at the end of the sentence understanding I was just kidding.

He wrinkled his flat nose in response.

Perhaps the term was not as misled as I thought in the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C'mon! Don't be shy and leave a comment telling me how much you love our favourite angara! (I would accept Evfra as favourite one, too), hahaha. Thanks for the comments and kudos. As a reader commenting is just a pain, but as a writer, it means a lot! ^^


	8. "Butterflies in the stomach" is a weird concept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Unintended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. After rescuing the Moshae.

_Familiarity breeds contempt_ and Evfra, even being my superior, was also my best friend. It was hard to believe, as we couldn’t have more clashing personalities, but it was the truth. 

We met when we were mere recruits, a really long time ago. We were both idealistic youngsters, eager to fight in a war we hadn’t chosen to live. We had gone through difficult situations together, mourning the lost lives of our Resistance friends, backing up after the defeats and celebrating every small victory as if it was a huge one. My dear commander had never had any kind of filter when talking to me, as we knew each other too well… That was why he had noticed my interest in the Pathfinder with ease.

At least, he had been thoughtful enough to disconnect his translator in front of her… How considerate of him… 

 _Skutting_ Evfra…  

Obviously, I had to soften his words to Sara… I cannot picture myself repeating the exact term he used, in _Shelesh_ , to describe the act of having sex. But it was rude. Really rude.

All the crew was already waiting for us in the _Tavetaan_ when we arrived. The truth is that we had plenty to celebrate: an alliance with my people, that would benefit both sides without any kind of doubt, and the Moshae’s rescue! For the first time in many years, I thought that we will be able to win the war. To defeat the Kett. Even with the atrocities about exaltation we had discovered… I had hope: hope in our alliance and hope in the Pathfinder.  

My appreciated Sara… she had grown in confidence within her crew and in her diplomatic role without any kind of doubt: the best proof was the actual way she addressed Evfra in order to keep me in her team. I couldn’t help the warm feeling that her words spread in me when she challenged the terrifying grump that my commander was, demanding him for me to stay.

After ordering some drinks, all my crewmates… my _friends_ … congratulated me for being able to stay in the Tempest, doing that curious thing the _Meelky Whey_ humans did: patting my back. Literally. I didn’t truly understand that gesture but I was getting used to their odd traditions and their lack of physical contact to celebrate these events. Krogans and Turians were shyer with their touching, quite the opposite than the Asari, considering the hug Peebee rewarded me with, in spite of me trying to avoid, as much as I could, any contact with her: I was still terrified about provoking another misunderstood with any of my new alien friends… especially with my precious Pathfinder. 

They were all pretty interested in Aya, so I told them about the hidden gem that it was and the _Vesaal_ , the lottery system that decided who would live there during the next season as the small greenery on the planet didn’t have the capacity, nor the resources, to be home to the whole angaran population all at once. 

“And what do you do with the houses? Have you got properties here?” Vetra asked me with genuine interest.

Properties in Aya… Odd. One of those things it was impossible for me to think about. “Not really,” I explained. “All the buildings you see here belong to the Resistance. This is just the city centre, but there are many residential areas on the surrounding lands. As our stay here is temporary and rotational, the _flats_ , as you call them, can’t be owned by anyone. It wouldn’t be fair on the others.”  

“I suppose it makes sense… somehow…” the turian said, leaning back in the chair. “The concept is strange, though. I can’t imagine this way of living, without your own place, you know?”

I chuckled at the idea of having _my own place._  It just sounded… awkward, speaking about Aya. So I tried to explain our livability concept. “We actually own houses. Family ones. Mine is in Havarl, the planet I was born in. It’s not just mine: my whole family lives there. Aya is more… like a small treat from time to time.”

“I’ve read that your families are huge, am I right?” Liam asked and they all looked at me with unconcealed interest when I scoffed.

“We’ll need another round of drinks for having this conversation, trust me,” I joked. “And maybe some snacks, too.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Peebee said, frowning her brow with incredulity and Cora rushed to nuance her words.

“It’s not _that bad_ , Peebee. Just different,” she said with a significant look and an emergency tone that made me smile.

“It’s not an offence, Cora. Don’t worry,” I chuckled before explaining, “Our families are built around our mothers. I have one true mother, Sahuna, and five additional mothers. And many many siblings and cousins, all raised together. Our families constantly change and evolve, adding new members or missing some.”

“Is it a female-centred family system? That is very interesting… What about males?” Sara asked and I could perceive in her eyes that sparkle that lit when any topic related to _Antrropology_ came up in a conversation. 

“Males usually move out when we find a partner, to her family nucleus. In case they are same-sex couples, a consensus has to be reached. Only different-sex couples are able to conceive naturally, anyway,” I explained.

“Oh, that’s interesting. So, what if the relationship ends…?” she encouraged me to continue.

“The mother usually keeps the children with her family. That is the general rule, although there are exceptions. It depends on many things.”

She seemed satisfied with my explanation. “I suppose it makes sense in the context of the war you have been living in for so long. I mean raising the children as a community in case their parents…” she stopped herself, looking at me with sudden sorrow that I tried to soothe. She was right, anyway.

“Yes, in case their parents perish. And that’s something that happens with frequency.” A rush of fleeting sadness went through my spine. I was not offended: that was our culture and our tradition, as we had to adapt to survive. It had always been that way and the reason why was pretty obvious, as she had figured out: to grant the survivance of most of the children and diminish the anguish provoked in case their parents were taken by the kett. 

There were a couple of quiet seconds while my new friends tried to brush the gloomy feeling away.

“I only have my sister. Well, and my dad was around for some time. But it has only been the two of us for a while,” Vetra said. “Turians families are not that big.”

“Well, my family is massive,” Gil added then, “with five more siblings, my parents, my grandparents… We lived all together when I was a child.”

“Same here… Krogan families are enormous. But very disperse, as we are very long-lived.”

“Asaris are not really into families… I can’t picture any of the things you have said… I would die not having my own space to live in.”

While all of them told their experiences aloud, I couldn’t avoid noticing that Sara had remained quiet all the time. To be honest, I had no idea about her family as it was a topic that had never come up before in any of our conversations. She followed the other’s chat with interest but didn’t intervene at all. Actually, I noticed she had a thin smile on her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes, making her look worried. Or perhaps sad. I was getting better at reading her expressions and I felt curious about her own family situation, although clearly, she didn’t want to be asked.

Cora changed the subject then: she seemed to be hugely interested in Botanics, plants and flowers, and asked me lots of questions about it. I had to refer her to one of the botanical engineers in the Resistance because I had no idea about the best seeding time for the _paripo_ , neither about the life cycle of the _Neolecta riftia_ at all. Then, we spoke about the huge amount of natural springs that ornated the city and created namely famous spas and natural pools on the surrounding areas.

“I only know that planet with that amount of water and is Earth. For the goddess, nearly 70% of their planet is actual water! I don’t know how could you live in it…” Peebee commented to me, referring to the human’s origin planet. Suvi told me a couple of days ago an actual sentence that defined what the asari was: _flirty_ and _hot as hell_ , according to her own words. My scans didn’t really feel her that _hot_ in temperature, though, but I agreed with the _flirty_ part.

“Well, perhaps because we live over the dry bits?” Liam replied with sarcasm. “Otherwise, we would have had to develop gills.”

Drack snorted loudly with the joke and spoke to me. “They are also 65% of water… I can’t figure out how their thin skin is able to keep their insides… well, inside.”

Cora furrowed her brow and Liam and Sara burst on laughter, clearly not offended.

“I… haven’t had time to read a lot about human physiology… But they look too solid for being made of that amount of water,” I exclaimed with surprise, taking a closer look to the certainly thin skin in their arms. I realized I was able to see her the conducts that carried her red blood under the white skin. I jerked one of my mittens off and poked firmly Sara’s forearm with my finger while she looked at me with something similar to amusement. Her skin was as soft as I noticed the first time she touched me some days ago, and it felt warm at the contact, but it gave dangerously under my touch. Suddenly, I remembered then that humans are not that prone to contact in public as angaras were. Perhaps I was overstepping considering where we were and I retrieved my finger, not before properly caressing her arm furtively. She smiled shyly but pulled a pretended indignant face at me.

“Ey, don’t you dare to join their mockery on us. I had enough with all these hard-armoured aliens on board, I don’t need any more enemies for now.”

 _"Irony… clearly,"_  I thought. 

Vetra laughed metallically and the krogan chuckled with a rumble. 

“You’ll be accepted in the hard-dark side, Jaal. The first thing I told her when we met is that humans look so squeezy… I just wanted to cuddle her and give her a proper squeeze. But then she showed me her biotics and I desisted,” the turian explained to me, fluttering her mandibles in a gesture I recently knew it was a laugh for them. 

“You would squash them if you do that. Be careful, _kid_ ,” Drack advised me with a serious face and I looked at Sara with worry then, as I was still struggling with figuring out if the  _skutting_ krogan was being ironic or not. _Stars_ … he was so difficult to read!

Sara had a sly smile on her lips and shook her head in disbelief. Ok, he was teasing me, then. But I was still uneasy: she had looked soft to me since the beginning. It was true that humans bled with ease in that curious scarlet colour, but they also recovered really quickly from their injuries: nearly double-timing the angaran normal healing process. Angaras were more… hard to break? But more difficult to heal. I was starting to feel very interested in human physiology. Besides, I also wanted to know more about their bodies… for researching purposes, mainly. But I would be lying to myself: the thought of knowing more about _her_ specifically had crossed my mind a couple of times already. To _figure her out_.  

“Well, we have to admit our weaknesses: toughness is not our best trait. But we are adaptable as hell! We win that one...” Liam defended humanity’s honour.

After a few seconds, I had to brush Peebee’s hand away from my arm as she was gently pinching my _tough_ skin there with curiosity and she pouted comically, but I was not stepping on the same stone twice. “Wow, Jaal. You look really thick,” she said with a tone of her voice that made some of the others snort loudly, even Sara by my side. A double-meaning joke… very childish. I twisted a smile, thinking of many different answers that might have been appropriate to that statement, but I remained quiet: there was no need to carry on with that pointless teasing.

Little by little, all my crewmates retired back to the Tempest, Vetra taking Peebee with her, dragging her arm without compassion. “Be good, guys. Don’t come home too late and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t!” Liam said as a farewell.

Before I realized, Sara and I were the last ones around the table. 

I was actually quite tired and I had some clues that gave away the fact that she was, too. But we had both silently agreed to stay behind. Just to have a little bit of intimacy before getting back in that _sardines tin_ that she called her spaceship.

She planted her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand, looking at me with a sleepy grin while I played awkwardly with my taken-off mitten, smiling back at her. The _Tavetaan_ was packed with angaras at that time of the evening. However, my fingers itched for touching her skin again, even knowing that would gather curious glances from the tables around us. I didn’t know if she would like that contact, neither the attention, so I entwined my fingers together, resisting the temptation, just with one glove on.   

That was why I startled with the feeling of her five digited hand soothing down the exposed skin of my forearm, sliding down to the back of my bare hand and tracing my fused fingers with hers. 

She emitted a hum of approval. Or perhaps surprise. I was not sure. 

“What?” I asked, curious.

“Nothing. I just didn’t expect you to be so… cold. You were not the last time.”

I had to smile at that. “Angaras have a great adaptability to different temperatures and we can lower or raise it depending on the environment and some other things...” I explained, enjoying her subtle caress. “And we also seem to be tougher, I believe… No one will snatch the _squeeze-alien_ title from you, don’t worry,” I teased her with a sly smile and she answered my joke with a pretend slap on my arm, but I was fast enough to catch her hand on the way back and she stared at me with surprise when I rested them both on the table, my thumb caressing the flexible skin on her palm, investigating her fingers and their hard keratin tips. The feeling was strange: her hand was tiny compared to mine, hot, soft but hard in some parts, with some thin golden hairs, nearly invisible, on the back of it, climbing up her forearm together with her freckles.

When I lifted my eyes to meet hers, she was still staring at our skin in contact and I realized she was as fascinated as I was, examining my fused fingers and the articulations under my thick skin. When she was satisfied enough about the exploration, she fixed her eyes on mine, showing a hint of amusement at my intense gaze and she smiled, somehow shy. I was suddenly aware of how personal and intimate the hand contact was in public. However, instead of retrieving her hand, she interlaced her fingers with mine, struggling a little to find a relaxed position due to the unmatching number. And, once she did, she showed me the brightest smile I had ever seen on her lips until then. Warm enough to bring the sun back to Voeld and melt all the icy surface. And I felt my heart pounding with joy in my chest. I sent a wave of statics to her that made her beautiful grin grew wider, recognising the _happiness_ meaning on it. 

She was… _unique_. Alien but familiar at the same time. And an unrestrained wave of feelings invaded me… Feelings that I thought forgotten; that I hadn’t been able to feel for a really long time, perhaps since Allia… She was the one… And I was ready to fight for her, to wait for her… Whatever she wanted me to do. I would give her all the time she needed and all the reasons I could to make her feel the same that I felt for her. 

I came back to reality when I became aware of the bioelectric field of some of the angaras on the tables around us: a mixture of surprise, disgust, bewilderment, curiosity, acceptance… There were glances too, and comments, although most of them seemed just curious about the scene. Sadly, that was more than enough to make her release my hand.

“I’m sorry… I don’t think this is the best place…” she said, tilting her head slightly to the surrounding area and the attention attracted, and I smiled at her sudden shyness. 

Angaras firmly trusted in exposing our feelings out for everyone to deal with them, not hiding them in the inside. Her culture was quite different, as well as her responsibility for her Pathfinder’s role. This would drive me crazy as an angara, but I would respect her ways.

We left the _Tavetaan_ walking under the night starred sky and the perpetual sight of the black hole that kept Aya secret from everyone, even the Kett. I tried to recover the family topic, but she didn’t seem to be ready to tell me about it, not even in private. 

“Perhaps another day, Jaal. I… don’t think I’m on the correct mood today. But I can tell you about my exes!” she exclaimed with an illegible tone and face.

“What would I like to know about that?” I asked a little puzzled.

She took some time to answer. And, when she did, she was totally honest about her reasons. “Because… Evfra told you not to screw _this_ up… I want to know what you have actually screwed.”

I couldn’t suppress a chuckle. “So, you want to tell me about your _exes_ to make me tell you about mine… an exchange of information… Fair enough: I accept the deal. But you go first.”

She opened her eyes in surprise like if me accepting was something that hadn’t crossed her mind. “Oh… mmm… Well, what do you want to know?”

I was not really interested in that aspect of her. Perhaps was something cultural, but angaras didn’t look at the past that way, neither at the future. We lived in the present, fighting for it. To make it worthy. “I don’t know… Anything?” I asked, not very sure about what to ask exactly.

“Ok… I don’t know… _Mmm_ … I had a girlfriend during my first year at uni…” she made that gesture with her fingers - _quotation_ \- that I found so amusing when she said the world _girlfriend_. “Sort of, you know? She was an asari… on an exchange year. Man, those were very crazy times…” She met my eyes with worry, realizing something. “Bisexuality and interspecies relationships are highly common in the Milky Way, by the way. You commented on something before that made me think your relationships work the same way. I hope this doesn’t sound deviant to you…”

I smiled warmly at her concern. “Well, the _interespecies_ one is still strange. Trust me,” she smiled at my joke, “but bisexuality is natural nowadays. Anyone else?”

She smiled, melancholic perhaps. “Yes… there was this turian guy… Arter. We met in an archaeological digging site: my first placement when I was 21. It was really serious. At least, it was for me.” She made a small pause to breathe, remembering. “He ripped my heart off my chest and smashed it on the ground, stomping on it after. Figurative speaking, of course. He turned out to be a bastard.”

Her words shocked me because of her emphasis.

“Did he leave you?”

“No, I did. He cheated on me. More than once, actually. Your turn.”

My saliva became suddenly thick in my mouth realizing I had to tell Sara about Allia: the memory of it still made my chest hurt. “I fell in love once… Allia. I was young. She was beautiful... a little older than me. She kissed me and I was his, in soul and body. But of my older brothers came… he was already famous in the Resistance. So she left me. And then became one of the mothers in my family.” 

“Wait, she dumped you and you had to see her every day?”

“Yes, just once. And only for some years... they were taken by the Kett. Only their children survived.”

Four years of cohabitation that had been a real nightmare for me, brushing my heart beyond repair. When they were taken, my heart just shattered into pieces, realizing that it was the end: I had finally lost her forever. The painful memory was still vivid in my mind after eight years, but the time had finally blunted the pain. 

“I’m sorry, Jaal,” she muttered.

“After that, I was hurt. Unstable. Angaras… we feel strong, as I have already told you. It took me a very long time to go over her memory. And, during that time… I did things I’m not very proud of. I hurt some people. A partner who loved me but I couldn’t love him back. I was not ready for it. I didn’t want to be alone and I used him. It was selfish of me and I know I broke his heart. Evfra knows the story, as he was a common friend of ours. That’s why he brought it up.”

I didn’t realize our steps had already led us to the Tempest and we were both standing outside the ramp. Sara was not looking at me and I suddenly felt truly ashamed about my behaviour on the past. “I hope this doesn’t change your opinion or your… interest in me, Sara,” I said as the silence stretched around us. 

Before meeting her, I was getting used to the idea that Allia broke my ability to feel love again. That I would never feel again the warmth spreading in my chest, or the _fluttering of butterflies in my stomach_ \- how weird humans were with their idioms... who was the first one eating butterflies to define it? - when looking at someone. But I was wrong: Sara had proved me wrong. And I wish I could be able to tell her all that. To share with her what she meant for me. 

She turned her head then, with an understanding smile on her beautiful lips. The moonlight in Aya gave her an ethereal touch to her pale skin and her honeyed vivid eyes were fixed on mine with sympathy. She was beautiful in a way I couldn’t even think about before. She touched my face and I leaned at the contact, closing my eyes with relief, enjoying the moment.

“We all make mistakes, Jaal. And we get hurt, and we heal. That is what makes us who we are. And I like who you are.” 

The moment broke when the Tempest ramp hissed and lowered down slowly, she automatically retrieving her hand.

“Are you coming in or what?” Kallo said from the inside with a husky sleepy voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff for everyone! I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the comments and the kudos, they are really really really appreciated! ^^


	9. Pressure building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - pressure building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. During Kadara.

“Oh, c’mon, Jaal… you can’t be serious… Is not that bad!” Peebee told me while in the Nomad, exploring the _draullirs_ , or caves of death. 

“Trust me. It is. Just disgusting,” I replied, crinkling my nose because of the smell, making the asari and Sara chuckle softly with my grumpiness.

“I have already offered him to go back to the Tempest, but he doesn’t want to!” Sara complained, and I grunted in response. 

It was our third day exploring Kadara and it had been a living nightmare, if I had to be asked. I glanced at the yellow dunes and sapphire blue ponds of clear water while my stomach twisted in disgust. The view was not that bad: it could be even considered beautiful despite the overwhelming dry heat. But the smell… _Stars_ , that smell...  It was revolting. And the reason was the toxicity of the water due to a compound that humans called _sulphur_ and that it was toxic for every non-native form of life. My people had been trying to tame the planet for nearly sixty years, even creating an elaborated filter system to make the water potable, but the own planet deterioration and the kett war made us stop the acclimatisation attempts. Basically, we gave up on the planet. Kadara won.

However, that didn’t stop the smugglers, robbers, dealers and mercenaries to establish their hideout place in the main settlement, Kadara Port. Considering that the city was out of the Resistance jurisdiction, it became a legal loophole: an out-of-law land.

With the arrival of the aliens, things had gone even worse. As far as I was aware, mostly because Liam told me, the Nexus had exiled its own _Meelky Whey_ people after a revolt. All those exiles lived now in Kadara, where Sloane, one of the humans, had erected herself as the leader of the Outcasts, the criminal faction controlling the city, being now in a constant fight with the other faction: the Collectives. 

Have I also mentioned that Kadara had always put me in a very bad mood?

And then, that man called _Shena_ … the Resistance _skkuting_ contact... whose real name was Reyes Vidal, as Sara explained to us after the meeting they held. I hated him with all my soul and spirit from the first minute when he introduced himself to my appreciated Pathfinder. First, he placed one hand at the small of her back. Then, a kiss on her cheek. And the blood boiled in my body, especially when she tried to pull back to put some distance between them and he carried on with his _touchiness_ and _handsyness_. I could have punched him in the face on the exact time he grabbed her hand over the bar counter, a hand she brushed away without contemplations, but soothing her gesture with some diplomatic words, gaining a mischievous smile back from him. 

 _Skkuting_ bastard.    

I’ve never thought myself jealous before, even more considering the fact that there was nothing formalized in between us… As a matter of fact, there was _nothing at all_ going on between us besides the mutual interest we both had expressed and a blooming friendship. Definitely, the planet brought out the worst part of me.

Peebee’s high-pitched voice brought me back to the Nomad. “Oh! I know! I know!, let’s play _I spy_! That will distract you!.... I spy with my little eye something that begins with 'm’.”

Sara chuckled on the driver’s seat and I took a fed-up look through the window. On the yellowishness around there was just one thing to be seen. “The word doesn’t begin with ‘m’ in _Shelesh._ But it's ‘mountains’, isn’t it?” 

“Oh, damn you! You’re good at this game, Jaal! I didn’t even think about the language thing… That’s an issue for playing… Well, what about a chat?”

“Mmm… what do you want to talk about?” I grunted to the asari in my moodiness.

“I heard you the other day singing and applying some lotion to your neck… flaps.”

“You are mistaken about the singing. However, the daily application of Ash Salve is important to keep my ‘neck flaps’ glossy,” I replied. _Neck flaps_ she called them... Offensive and unbelievable...

“So many questions…” Sara said softly, shaking her head without moving her eyes from the road ahead.

“And you smell very nice! Not just now… always,” she told me. 

What to answer to that? Was it a flirt? “Thank you,” I replied, shyly this time. “I take pride in all aspects of my person. I like to smell nice.” Would Sara have noticed it, too? Not that I primped; not for angaran standards. But I liked to look after myself. Especially considering that I had a clear interest in attracting certain someone. 

“That’s true, Jaal. What do you use?” Sara said, giving me the answer and drawing a proud smile on my face. “Where do you get it?”

“I make it. Is just tinkering with alcohols and plants essences in different proportions.” And I gained an approbatory noise from both of them. 

“Can you make one for me, please?” Peebee begged me.

An adventurous thing to ask… but clearly this was one of those _cultural differences_ we had been facing. “Perfumes are… something quite personal and private, culturally speaking. Using it as a present would mean that you are part of my family or a former love interest,” I explained, and the blue asari smiled roguishly next to me. 

“Ouch… Well, I’m sure Sara wouldn’t mind...” she pronounced playfully, turning to the human and I could see on rear mirror how Sara blushed deep red and gave her a murderous look, making the asari burst into laughter.

But it was not a bad idea at all, so I _noted it down_ , as Liam would have said, for the next time I travelled to Havarl. Besides, I had exactly in mind the essence of which flower would suit my appreciated Pathfinder best. 

My moodiness that day went from bad to worse: that same dreadful evening she left on her own to Kadara Port to have a _date_ with Reyes Vidal… going together to Sloane’s party. Sara had refused any of us to go with her and had played the issue down, saying that she trusted that _skkuting_ man. Her last words before departing were addressed to me, testing my feelings in front of the situation. 

“You are upset,” she said, as I had changed my electric field around me involuntarily. She was getting damn good at reading me.

“I am worried. It’s dangerous to go on your own. And I don’t want you anywhere near him, knowing what his intentions are towards you.” Bold and direct, as angaras were.

Sara smiled at my words with understanding. “I know. But I’ll keep him on distance. Ey,” she said, cupping my cheek with her hand and making me turn my serious face to her, “I don’t want you to worry. This is just another job,” she whispered to me in the cargo bay while the ramp opened. Liam was there. And also Drack. And she didn’t mind, neither the contact or the public scene, comforting me.

Her eyes met mine over her shoulder one last time before she got lost in the lights of the city.

“She’ll be fine, pal. Don’t worry,” Liam said behind me, and Drack emitted a groan in agreement.

I knew I shouldn’t be acting like a jealous mate: as I said, nothing had been spoken in between us except the mutual formal interest we professed for each other. Even more, she was my superior on board. _Stars_! What I was even thinking? But my feelings had grown dangerously during the last few weeks, impossible to be avoided anymore. I tried not to put names on them, delaying the introspection as much as I could, but her slowness and the lack of progression in between us was starting to drive me insane! I knew she liked me, but that was it. And now, this _Shena_... I didn’t know how to act anymore around her as I was physiologically programmed to feel strong and culturally taught to express what I felt. Everything was just annoying!

Plus, I have already said that Kadara always put me in a very bad mood, haven’t I?

I decided to skip dinner with the crew, have a quick work out in the improvised gym and give myself into the task that always kept my mind busy: disarming my rifle, cleaning it and putting it back together. I was aware that it sounded stupid, but focusing on every small piece of the weapon, taking it apart, cleaning, greasing it and getting it back in place with exhaustive precision was the type of task I loved to do to make the time go by faster.

And it worked. Some of the pieces were still resting on my desk, waiting to be reassembled, when I heard the insecure knocks on the tech lab’s door. I looked at the clock, rubbing a hand over my tired eyes in surprise: just 10 o’clock. Not that late, then.

“Come in. It’s open,” I said to whoever it was outside my quarters.

The door slid with a hiss and Sara stepped in. She was wearing the skinny jeans and the black top she had on for the _date_ , and her lips were still painted in that shade of red. She looked beautiful and exotic.  

“Hi, Jaal. I was just passing by and…” Sara tripped over with one of the boxes and I stood up with surprise. “Ou, shit… was that there before? Oh, SAM, shut up!” Her voice sounded twangy and her words stammered slightly: I didn’t need my scan to confirm that she was a little intoxicated and I waited for her to finish what it was for sure an internal conversation with the AI.

“Ok, SAM here,” she pointed to her temple, “says that I’m _wasted_ and I should go to bed. And I think he’s right.” She had been accompanying her words with exaggerated gestures of her hands and an exacerbated dramatism and pauses that looked highly amusing on her. The whole scene looked actually quite funny, so I couldn’t help but smile as I had never seen her drunk before. “But… before that happens, I have to tell you that you were right.” She got closer to me and her index pointed at my chest, cocking an eyebrow. I smelled on her a trace of unknown alcohol and her usual perfume. “That bloody cocky bastard went straight to my jugular once we were alone. But now he’s got a broken nose. Fair exchange, innit?”

I furrowed my brow, not fully understanding what she meant. _Jugular_? Wait, _what_? She must have read my confused expression because she decided to develop the information further. “I meant that he kissed me, and I punched him. End of the problem. But I needed to tell you that you were _scutting_ right about him,” she ended with a poor copy of our most coarse word in _Shelesh_ , shrugging her shoulders and pulling her hair band off, letting her orange hair cascade freely over her face while my brow knitted with the image of that _skkuting_ human that had dared to touch her lips before I did. And the thought hurt me deep inside my chest. Then, she wobbled a little on her feet and I grabbed her arm to steady her. And she chuckled without a reason. I sighed, cooling down the wave of pain and anger that had grown in my stomach with her words. 

“I don’t want you to be mad at me. Are you mad at me?” she asked me noticing my field, locking her amber eyes in mine. 

“No. No, Sara. Of course, I’m not. Why would I?” I replied quickly. But my feelings were quite tangled that night, even for understanding myself. Anyway, it was not her fault… Actually, she answered him with a smack...

With a hint of sadness easily noticeable in her voice, she breathed in and out slowly before speaking again. “I’m sorry, Jaal. This must be miles away from what you expect when you show your interest in someone. What a fucking mess I am. This whole _pathfinding_ situation… is just a piece of shit.”

I smiled at her, still holding her arm. “Sara, It’s alright. I know all the pressure you have from the Nexus and the Resistance… I told you I wouldn’t push you into… _this_. Us.” Even if I ended up crazy, I would keep my word on that.

Surprisingly, she shook her head and chuckled. “I don’t deserve you. You smell _the nicest_ and you are just… too good...” But she didn’t follow that sentence. Instead, she looked intently into my eyes and her gaze flicked to my lips and back up again. 

Her next course of action was to lift herself on her toes to bridge the short distance between us.

And she kissed me. Or, better say, she crashed her lips onto mine. A quick, clumsy contact that I was not able to savour at all, not even having the time to close my eyes with it and I let her arm go, puzzled. 

Her nose was wrinkled and her eyebrows furrowed together in disappointment when she sunk back onto her heels and I felt utterly confused about everything, each muscle in my body frozen and tense. “Shit, that was the worst kiss I’ve ever stolen from anyone. Let me try again,” she said, lifting herself a second time and shoving her arms behind my neck, kissing me once more.

Her red lips touched mine softly and I felt the warmness and subtleness on the contact this time. I clasped her waist with my hands, nearly involuntarily, breathing her, all my senses focused on her touch.

After a few seconds, she pulled back a little, her arms still around me, and I opened my eyes just to see her lovely smile. And I smiled back at her, my body producing an electric field of happiness that surrounded us. 

Still not giving an inch back, I’m not able to remember how my lips parted and why hers did too, but our breathes mingled and her scent filled my nostrils: sweet and heavy. Her eyes were mesmerizing at that distance, with sparkles of amber, brown and green. The next thing I knew was that her lips were on mine again, pulling me on a proper kiss: teasing, warm and wet, and it was escalating dangerously as I realized that one of my hands had stealthily moved to the small of her back, pulling her closer, moulding her body to mine. My bioelectricity spiked out of control, changing the field around us, but I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. I had to use all my willpower to stop her. To stop _me_.

“Sara… Sara, wait. I don’t want it to happen like this. You are intoxicated. Is not the best time…” I said jerking my hands away from her hips and stepping back, making her grunt with disappointment and opening her eyes. I could still taste her in my mouth and just a few seconds had been enough to turn me on as I haven’t been in a long time. My heart thumped in my chest, protesting. And it was not the only part that was throbbing in disagreement with my decision. 

“Yes... Yes. You are probably right…” she sighed, stumbling backwards. “Sorry… I just needed to speak to you after what happened today… But I’m going to leave now. I… see you tomorrow. Less drunk.” She bit her lip with uncertainty: her cheeks were flushed and her voice was husky, a sensual whisper.

I nodded my head, saying goodnight to her and breathing slowly, trying to compose myself when she left the room. Her scent remained, though.

Well, if I had any doubts about her interest in me, that answered them all and I seriously thought of taking the rifle apart again just to ease the memory of her warm body on mine.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The best title ever" to define this chapter. Should I carry on with the slow burn or spoil the tension with some sex on the next one? This is like one of those "chose your own ending" adventures, hahahaha. You choose! Thanks for reading, kudos and comments! ^^


	10. Tasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Invincible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV - After Kadara's mission.

[“Pathfinder, the cooking temperature of the top right pot seems to be inadequate. It will trigger the smoke alarm in 45 seconds,”] SAM notified me using our inner connection, and I lowered the stove power down with a subtle movement, making sure Jaal didn’t notice. 

Then, I sat on the kitchen counter with an innocent grin. [“Thanks, SAM,”] I whispered following the movements of the busy angara in front of me. “Jaal…? Are you sure you know what you are doing?” I asked in front of the chaos of pots and pans that reigned in my father’s kitchen at his apartment in the Nexus. Now mine, I suppose.

“Yes! Of course, I do! I’ve got everything under control. Stop worrying, Sara. My true mother has written the recipe for me. It’s just to follow the steps...,” the handsome violet alien replied, and I could perceive that, behind the security of his comment, his field gave away some uncertainty and a hint of stress.

I sipped from my glass of wine and smiled at the thought of being able to catch the delicate differences in his bioelectricity around us. None of my other crew members was and that gave me exclusiveness in reading and understanding him. A privileged position, I had to say. We had been practising together for a little while now in the short times in between missions, creating some fields with my own biotics to copy the angaran ones. I pulled my clumsy _don’t worry, be happy_  one out of my biotic sleeve and Jaal sensed it, giving me a sincere grin in response. 

“You are getting very good at this, you know?” he said, losing focus on the cooking for one second. That only widened my smile, especially when he rushed to grab a spoon to stir up the content of one of the pots that had begun to steam dangerously again, mumbling some curses in _Shelesh_ that my translator didn’t pick up.

After that odd night in which I formally assaulted him, we both had been too busy to have a proper conversation about what happened: I couldn’t free Vehn Terev to take him to Aya due to my disagreements with Sloane, so she executed him… and I had to strategy how to explain the whole situation to Evfra, as his instructions had been crystal-clear: bring him back alive. Then, the bloody Reyes turned out to be the _Charlatan_ himself and I let him kill Sloane... I truly hoped it was the right call to make as, in spite of his constant flirtatious attitude - and the fact that I broke his nose - we got along somehow and, as my grandad used to say, _you shall have friends even in hell_ . Especially if that _hell_ is called Kadara.

Tann had grounded us in the Nexus to deal with the diplomatic ‘Vehn Terev’ incident with the Resistance leader in order to calm the waters, and Jaal had requested to spend those days with his family in Havarl instead, so we hadn’t really had time to mention the _make out_ in between us. Not that I was ashamed - I actually craved for more of him - but I have to confess that I didn’t know how to react when he dropped by without any notice in my father’s apartment hours before the _party_. I was not aware that he was coming. Actually, I didn’t know that he was in the Nexus! How the hell did he even know where I lived? 

The moment grew in awkwardness with him waiting at my doorstep while I just stared in his starry blue eyes, opening and closing my mouth like a fish while trying to form words without result. Should I kiss him? Or perhaps a formal angaran salutation? Or a handshake? Finally, he chuckled, amused with my bewilderment and the stretched silence, and gave me a sweet quick kiss on the cheek before making his way into the apartment. Sometimes I really envied the fact that he always knew exactly what to do and how to act. 

Every. Single. Time. 

So I followed his confident steps into my own place. And, thanks to the spirits, or the goddess or whatever, there was not a single mention about the issue: just normal and relaxed friendly chat. Even if SAM constantly encouraged me to bring the topic up _to ease my anxiety levels._ For fuck’s sake...

“How is your family?” I changed the subject while observing how graceful he moved considering his broadness and size. My banana loaf was already in the oven: that would be the improvised pudding: the only dish I was able to cook that required some elaboration, other than an omelette. 

“Very well, indeed. My true mother, Sahuna, sends you her regards.”

I startled involuntarily at his words. “Wait, have you told your mum about _me_?” I asked, puzzled. And he turned around to look at me, mirroring my gesture.  

“Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I? She’s my mother,” he replied as if I was saying something totally alien. “Is it a bad thing?”

“No, no… Don’t take me wrong. I just… I never told my parents about any of my… well, former _interests_...” he looked over his shoulder to give me a cheeky smile. “I suppose I never had the confidence to tell them.”

[“Sara, your words will digress into your family story for sure, as Jaal Ama Darav seems eager to ask. I suggest to change the topic if you don’t want to speak about it,”] SAM warned me, using my name in a sort of paternal attempt. But I was already aware of the outcome.

[“It’s fine, SAM. Thanks, anyway.”]

“So… you’ve never told me about your family before,” Jaal mentioned casually, stir-frying a round fruit he had just chopped in a pan, adding a dark sauce to it after. 

“I think I was just trying to save you the pity for me,” I answered with irony, and he turned around to give me a concerned glance. I wanted him to know, but I didn’t want to ruin the good mood. Too late for that, I suppose. ”My mother died when I was a teenager. My dad perished saving me during our first exploration mission in Andromeda, making me the heir of the Pathfinder title. And Scott, my twin brother… he is in a coma, here in the Nexus…” I spoke at the speed of light and with an indifferent tone that even surprised myself, gaining the most sorrowful look from Jaal as I ended my statement. I knew he regretted his question immediately: definitely, it was a very personal question and, perhaps, not the best time for it. To angaras, families were all so, for him, I was no more than a 24-year-old orphan right now. 

Completely alone in the galaxy: the worst possible situation under his cultural point of view.

“Sara… but that’s terrible! Do you have anyone left?” he asked me, totally forgetting the steaming pans before him. 

“Well, Jaal… if you put it that way, probably no one… blood-related at least,” I argued, defensively. “But… ey! I have SAM!”

That gesture on his face was exactly what I was trying to avoid: I knew all my crewmates felt pity about my background story already, and that was a constant reminder of the fact that they were right: I was utterly alone. 

In spite of my brain screaming at me to shut the fuck up, I kept explaining my sad experience to him, at a slower pace. “I was close to my mum when I was a child, but then she died of a long illness. I might sound cruel to you, but the way she was getting worse every day… I… kind of feel relieved when her pain ended. My dad… well… we never got along: as I didn’t want to be part of the military, he always thought I was the black sheep of the family and didn’t really make me any favours handing down his Pathfinder title to me. It’s hard to say, but I don’t really feel his death as I felt my mum’s… I just never felt close to him…I don’t want to think that I am an awful person for it, am I?” 

My question was sincere. And worried. My dad had saved my life, but I couldn’t feel the same sorrow or mourning that my mum’s death provoked me, as we both were nearly strangers. Instead of thankful, I actually felt angry at him because of the responsibility he dropped on my shoulders. He was just gone to me. 

Jaal turned on his heels with promptness when one of the ingredients began to boil. He stirred it up for a little while before turning the ceramic stove off. “I’ve got not a clue of what _black ship_ means on that context, as well as I don’t know how human family relationships are… For me, it’s culturally unusual... the whole situation you picture… You would have had so many mothers to look after you here… I don’t know...” he stumbled on his words, finally looking at me and trying to find the correct ones to express his thoughts without success. And I realized that he was making a huge effort to really imagine how my messed-up family worked. I think he just gave up in the end, and sighed, “I can understand the distance with your father, though. Mine was taken by the kett many years ago. We didn’t really know each other very well, so I can also say I didn’t feel his loss as much as I should, considering he gave me life.”

“Well, I suppose we are both fatherless aliens in Andromeda. We found a common baseline!” I was aware of how inadequate my comment was, although it was imbued with sourness, and he noticed the pain hidden in it. 

Jaal stood in front of me - I was still sitting on the kitchen counter - wiping his hands on a cloth before gathering me in his arms in a comforting cuddle. “It is ok if you don’t feel you should mourn. Things would be so different if your father was still alive… Better or worse, we’ll never know. You wouldn’t have to carry the Pathfinder title on you, for example. But, on the other hand, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet you...”

He let me go swiftly and I grinned in front of his actions and his words. “Thanks, Jaal. You are really sweet, you know that?” I told him with a sincere tone.

“My true mother tells me sometimes…” he replied with a sly voice, easing the gloominess around us.

There was a silence that stretched for a little too long in which we both fixed our eyes on each other with a ton of unspoken words about us held inside, and I felt my heart racing to get them out of my chest immediately.

But knocks on the door pulled us both out of the staring contest and I was able to feel his disappointment field, as he had come close to me on the stealthiest way and his look had begun to roam my lips dangerously. 

“Pathfinder, Peebee and Suvi are at the door,” I heard SAM saying aloud this time, and all the tension built in the prospect of a former chat about us was knocked down immediately with the arrival of our friends. In that exact moment, I realized how much I needed to kiss him again. And it seemed to me that Jaal had lost his battle against his contention, struggling with restraining his angaran boldness anymore. 

“Shit… Ok, let them in.”

Jaal sighed and gave me a crooked grin as a veiled promise. And a shot of heat ran through my veins with the way he devoured me with his look when I got close to the door to welcome the other crew members. 

 

***

 

“I cannot believe you said it is _bland_ … How dare you?” Peebee was a drama queen, that was not a novelty. And the angara shrugged, apologetic. 

“I don’t know… is how it feels in my mouth,” he explained.

Liam, Vetra and Suvi drank some water to wash down the spicy _ke’ah_ \- a type of pasta with an orange vegetable sauce - Peebee had made for dinner. The idea was to bring different examples of gastronomy that we were all able to try, including the turian. That meant vegan in order to avoid the levo-proteins, and as homemade as possible to avoid allergies. It had been a real challenge for everyone. 

“Shit, Peebs, is like having hell in my mouth,” Suvi said, pouring a second glass of water and drinking it with promptness. Liam was nearly in tears and all sweaty and I had enough with just a little bit of the, in other circumstances, for sure delicious dish. On the other side of the table, Drack and Jaal seemed mostly unaffected about the extremely spicy sauce that not even Peebee had been able to eat. 

“Why the hell you made it that hot?” Suvi asked her with that gracious Scottish accent. 

“I just wanted to wake up any reaction in those two… but it didn’t work at all!” the asari complained in a very childish way. “Drack, I need your opinion… You are the former gourmet...”

The krogan had emptied his plate already and was licking his lips. “Not too bad. Miles away from my stews, though. But I could do with seconds.”

I scoffed with his words. “Drack, honestly, I don’t know how you can prepare the best food in the Tempest and then being able to gobble any kind of shit up without even blinking…” I shook my head in disbelief. The krogan was the best cook I’ve ever met and I was aware he had a delicate palate, too. But his taste buds in situations like that were a huge mystery to me.

“Well, kid. When you are starving and you have nothing at all to eat you are not that fussy about food: if it doesn’t kill me, it’s good enough for me,” he replied with a grunt, licking his finger after wiping the plate clean with it. 

I looked interrogatively at Jaal then, who had stopped eating after some bites. I didn’t have to ask him anything to get him talking. “I don’t see the point in eating if I can’t taste it… Considering it’s not nutritious for me. I’m sorry to disappoint, Peebee.”

“Well, this is a clear defeat. Thanks to the goddess Drack liked it!” she exclaimed, pushing away her own plate, still full.

Vetra and I cleared up the table while Jaal served some of the angaran soup he had prepared. The gestures of surprise were noticeable and I heard a couple of approval hums around me when we tried it. It was not as flavourful as I expected, but my taste buds turned crazy after three spoonfuls: a mixture of sweet, sour, bitter and umami, but with some tasteless strokes in between… It was so difficult to explain what was happening in my mouth! Somehow, it reminded me of Japanese or Thai food... together? But with a flavour complexity that I had never experienced before. I understood then why all our dishes tasted bland to him.

“Oh my god… Jaal, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat anything else in my life. You have ruined food for me!” Suvi exclaimed with enthusiasm and a full mouth.

“But how is this… what is it?” Vetra inquired looking at her spoon and the broth in the bowl. “And why you don’t cook more often for us?”

Jaal looked extremely pleased with the compliments. “It’s an old family recipe… Is basically made of different fruits, roots and some legumes. It requires a complex elaboration and marination techniques and some of the ingredients… well, they are difficult to gather nowadays due to the climatological changes in Havarl. But I wanted to share it with you all.”

“That’s really kind of you. But you feeding us doesn’t imply that we are all married now, does it?” Liam asked with a mocking tone. And I chuckled, as I was aware that, last week, Suvi and Kallo got accidentally _angaran-engaged_ when Liam tried to teach them a ceremonial song Jaal had taught him minutes before. We had a good laugh at it.

“Perhaps…” he stated, all of us looking at him with concern. “No, don’t worry. Not this time,” Jaal replied with a thin smile, gaining a scoff from Suvi as the engagement hadn’t been formally broken up yet.

“And why do you eat that paste of yours if you can actually cook this?” Peebee asked him with disbelief, as she had had the chance to confirm how tasteless the angaran nourish paste tasted for us.

“Well, with the deterioration of the planet conditions and the kett invasion, the aliments are scarce in some of our colonies like Voeld, and our production farms are not able to generate enough food for the whole population. In the end, we just decided to meet our nourishment needs, putting aside the fanciness of cooking, keeping it for special social occasions,” he explained. It was also a common practice back in the Milky Way, but I reckoned that our situation had never been as desperate as angara’s was.  

“Aww! Is this a special occasion, then?” Suvi asked, all sweet and moved, gaining a shy grin back from Jaal.

“You are... special people to me now,” he ended, lingering his eyes around everyone sitting on the table and stopping on me for a little while, gifting me with a meaningful smile.

“Handsome, clever, makes perfumes, cooks… Damn it! You are such a good catch, Jaal!” Peebee chuckled while looking at me in the eye, taunting me. I breathed in slowly, holding her gaze, as I knew her sense of humour was quite messed up. But I didn’t need her teasing about whatever was going on between the angara and me and I gave her a _shut-up_ stare in response. 

I noticed that Drack was unusually quiet and nearly orgasming with Jaal’s stew. 

For pudding, Suvi had made a traditional Scottish cake called cranachan, with raspberries, oats, honey and a touch of whisky. And I also took out of the oven my banana loaf. Poor Vetra was not physiologically fond of sweet flavour and I had to confess that I wasn’t either. But the cranachan was delicious and I had also some compliments about my baking.

“It has a citric touch that I’m not able to identify…” Jaal admitted savouring a piece of the sponge. “And some spices too… I’ve never tried them before.”

“I think you are talking about the lemon juice. And it has several spices but cinnamon and vanilla are the main ones.”

Jaal took some time to smell the loaf again, still with his blue sparkly eyes fixed on mine. I raised an eyebrow in an interrogative gesture because I could see him working something out in his mind. “Your shampoo has a hint of one of them. The sweet delicate one. I could smell it on your hair.”

 _Shit_. I physically felt the sardonic smiles of my friends on me and I glared murderously at the angara while noticing how the heat crept up my cheeks in an irrevocable sign that I was blushing. He was aware of my embarrassment but didn’t care at all, giving me a crooked grin back. 

“And what about the sweet thick liquid in yours, Suvi? It’s also delicious, I have to say!” he added, ignoring me.

“I didn’t know you had a sweet tooth, Jaal!” she said, as he seemed to catch that flavour better than others. “The sticky liquid is called honey, a type of sugary edulcorant that bees produce. Bees are protected now back on Earth, but we had been able to synthetically reproduce the compound. This one is fully natural, though: it comes straight from my personal stash,” the Scottish doctor explained with pride.

“ _Bees_ ? Who are _bees_?” Jaal asked, frowning and licking his fingers clean of the gooey stuff.

I chuckled because I knew he wouldn’t like the answer and I took it as my turn for revenge. “Flying insects, Jaal! They get the nectar from the flowers, take it to their colonies, digest it, throw it up after and store it. Until we get to steal it from them.” Truth be told, I consider the whole process revolting myself. And cruel.

His face went blank and stiffened his whole body, stopping his doing with his thumb still in between his lips and eyes wide open staring at me with alarm. Or perhaps disgust. Liam, Vetra and Drack burst into laughter immediately although Suvi seemed to be quite concerned with his facial expression. 

“Mmm…” he muttered with a serious gesture, “now we have more familiarity, let me tell you that your species have some truly disgusting foodstuffs. _Bee vomit..._ _Stars_ … No offence, Suvi: the cake is actually very nice,” he finished, pushing the plate away from him.

We all cleared the table and helped with the washing as we used to do in the Tempest, joking and laughing. I did my best to treasure all those moments when we were no more than good friends having a casual dinner. Even if I was their leader, the human Pathfinder, they all were the closest I had to a family now and I knew they all would fight by my side and that I would be able to count on them if things went bad.

And the thought made me smile, realizing that I was not as alone as I believed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised some smut, but... I was not inspired for it this time. Sorry guys. Again, cultural misunderstanding regarding food, some flirting, some unspoken words... and a peek on a daily and mundane activity as cooking is. I'm in love with this pair. Thanks for the comments and kudos! They really make the difference! ^^  
> PS/ Get ready for the next one...


	11. I can finally see the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV. After Akksul's mission.

We were all deathly quiet in the shuttle, with the exception of Jaal’s sister, who wept randomly. Besides her, the only sound around us was the wind of Havarl’s atmosphere and the quiet rumbling of the engines. Not in my own head though, where my conscience and the _mini-anxious me,_ the internal voice that I try very hard to hide, were screaming loudly, cursing and panicking, still terrified about what happened.

[“Pathfinder, the injury is not life-threatening, but it might cause further complications if not stopped. Angaras are prone to lose a large amount of blood,”] SAM added in my madhouse mind, and it was more than enough for me to act.

I unfastened my seat belt with an annoyed sigh and struggled to a standing position in the unstable and packed shuttle, reaching for the angaran first-aid kit in the hold above my seat for the second time. We had already patched up Lathoul on the best possible way, considering that his wounds were not life-threating, but Jaal had refused any first aid because of that stupid angaran thing of treating their injuries privately because _it’s something cultural, Sara._  Obviously, I thought the sentence mocking his tone and copying the bloody stubborn angara words. 

The same-named angara that frowned deeply at me but didn’t dare to say a word because I pinned him in his seat with a murderous look while I opened the box with clumsy movements, pulling out a sterile gauze and dipping it into the thick ointment they use to stop haemorrhages. 

Both Baranjj and Teviint gave me a curious but highly ashamed glance when I sat on his lap, with the gauze on his cheek. It was still bleeding profusely in spite of his best efforts to stop it. He stiffened his shoulders at the contact and opened his mouth, ready to protest. 

“Shut up! I’m pissed off and I don’t care,” I said resolutely, making Jaal grunt with annoyance while Drack chuckled loudly behind me. The angara must have noticed I was not joking because he let me carry on with my doing without any more complaints. 

The cobalt blood had dripped all over his armour, dying part of his _rofjinn_ and his fingers blue, having also splattered on the floor. A massive amount of blood for such a small wound.

Teviint had returned to the sporadic whining, eyes glued to her brother Lathoul who rested on the deck, asleep. She had shot him in the back without hesitation when he decided to help me: the _big bad alien_. And now she was in our Alliance shuttle, all remorseful. Obviously! She shot her own brother! I was sure that she was totally insane and I had Drack keeping a close eye on her, just in case.

A tiny pained snarl curled Jaal’s lip up when I put more pressure on his injured cheek and I realized how mad I was at him. Terribly mad because of the situation he had put me through. My stomach clenched just recalling him in front of the leader of the Roekaar, unharmed and asking me to hold, whatever it happened. He was trying to make him listen to reason, as I had already tried before, telling him that we were helping, that I had saved the Moshae, that Evfra and the Resistance trusted me... And after a heated argument, the fucking Akksul pulled the trigger and my heart stopped beating, realizing that the shot would be fatal in that short distance. 

I don’t know how, but he missed Jaal’s face, gazing just his cheek instead, and I thanked all the gods I was able to remember that existed on Earth. However, I couldn’t forget the pain in my chest, the knot in my throat and the anguish that had rushed to every vein in my body when I heard the loud and dreadful detonation echoing in the cave. I reckon that I was ready to put a bullet in Akksul’s head but, miraculously, Jaal was just fine. In spite of it, tears escaped my eyes in a mixture of relief and hurt. 

Fuck! I couldn’t lose him! It was not fair!

It didn’t take long until he stopped bleeding. I improvised a dressing with one of his massive hands rested on the small of my back, keeping me for losing my balance while on his lap. His eyes were fixed on me, looking for forgiveness. However, I avoided his gaze and moved back to my seat, fastening my seatbelt with a grunt and crossing my arms in a defensive gesture.  

I just wanted to go to my quarters and cry my eyes out.

We landed on the usual scientific post to drop off his family and I saw him on the corner of my eye greeting some female angaras that I guessed that were his mothers. After a few minutes, he got back in the shuttle and we flew towards the Tempest in a tense silence that stretched during the whole trip. 

 

***

 

[“Sara, human emotions are still confusing for me. Can you explain to me why you cry? Sadness doesn’t seem to be the reason, but your anxiety levels are still peaking,”] SAM asked me while I was under the shower, my tears mixing with the steam-hot water. Nothing went unnoticed for the damned AI. _Shit._   

[“I’m not sad, SAM. I’m just… Pffff, I don’t fucking know how I am. Fed up? Hurt?”]

[“There is no physical pain I can detect, but I can call Dr T’Soni and raise your dopamine levels if you want me to.”]

I sighed. Chemistry. That was all reduced to. Feelings to formulas. 

[“No, SAM. Thank you. I’ll be fine. I just need to cry it out.”]

[“May I ask you what? Jaal Ama Darav is safe and the Roekaar leader has been defeated.”]

[“Yes, but he nearly died. And I did nothing at all.”] I explained, trying to keep the pain in my chest inside.

[“Yes, but he is safe, Sara,”] he repeated, clearly not understanding my reactions except for my drops and highs in hormones. 

“But he was not before!” I actually cried aloud, quietening him immediately. “He nearly died! And there are too many things that hadn’t happened yet... He cannot die. He cannot…” Another sob escaped my lips while shaking my head and my whole body trembled under the water. 

His silence was my only answer for a little while in my head. 

[“Sara, you clearly experiment happiness when being with him and there are many changes in your body that led me to think that attraction, too. Considering his reactions to you, I deduced that this attraction is mutual. After some calculations, I don’t see any impediment for you to demonstrate it.”]

“And my responsibility? And Tann? And what about all the pathfinding crap?... And what if it doesn’t work, SAM...?” I didn’t realize I was still speaking my words. 

[“That thought peaked your anxiety again, Sara. Your dramatic foreseeing obsession is not helping in normalizing your state. Perhaps a mild introspection would be helpful.”]

Great, SAM, my own feelings-free AI telling me that I should stop being dramatic. Perhaps he was right. One of my weaknesses had always been overthinking about the future; especially with people that could become important to me. That was why I hadn’t been in any serious relationships since the bloody turian that broke my heart: there had been crushes and flings… but nothing else, as I was still trying to put myself together again.

But Jaal was different… My interest in him was beyond a night of - for sure - spectacular sex: we were two pieces that simply clicked together flawlessly. And it had only been necessary for me to travel to a different galaxy and 600 years in time to find him. Easy-peasy.

I stared at the spotless metallic wall of the shower, emptying my mind for a minute, just focusing on me. On what _I_ wanted. If I was not the fucking Pathfinder; if I was not involved in the thin-thread diplomatic relationships between the Initiative and the Angara; if the survivance of our species didn’t depend on me… What would I do?

[“SAM, can I have some privacy?”] I asked him.

[“As you wish, Sara.”]

I turned the shower off, wrapped the raspy Initiative-issued towel around my body and left the common bathroom, striding towards the tech lab with resolution and an out-of-control heartbeat. The door was closed, as it was actually quite late, and knocking was necessary.

“Jaal, it’s me. Open up,” I said, not too loud to avoid waking up anyone else. It took him just a second for the door to slide open and I deduced he was not sleeping, although he was only wearing a thin pair of trousers he used as pyjamas. 

“Sara?” he asked, puzzled with my visit after my snap at him and the silent treatment administered during the whole evening. His gorgeous eyes were staring at me while making my way into his room, pushing him slightly. His rifle was half-dismantled on the table, with some small tools around it.

Jaal followed me in my silence with an interrogative and cautious gesture on his face, probably worried about another round of screaming or a proper argument this time.

Instead, I sighed, one hand holding my towel into place and my hair dripping on his floor. I pull the _sad-worried_ biotic field around me and I could see on his remorseful gesture that, despite its clumsiness, he got it immediately. 

“You worried me sick, Jaal. I thought…” a renovated knot in my throat stopped me in my words and my saliva turned thick once more. “I thought that I’d lost you. That he would kill you. And I would have lost you, Jaal.” Even if my frown was knitted and my general feeling was anger, tears had begun to roll freely down on my cheeks, mixing with the drops from my soaked hair while I did my best to contain a sob. 

I was a fucking mess and it felt like if all the crap that had inside me: my brother in a coma, my dad’s death, all the stress… Jaal nearly dying had been just the icing on the cake. However, it helped me realize how important he truly was for me and how stupid I had been for locking him out, being crystal-clear that something marvellous was blooming in between us.

He stepped forward with worry, ready to cradle me in his arms, but I stopped him with my hand and he looked down, confused. “I’m sorry, Sara. I knew he wouldn’t do it. But it was the best option.” His field grew in sorrow around me with the lack of contact. So much that bristled the hairs on my arms.

I nodded my head as an answer, drying the wet paths of my tears with the back of my hand. “I know, Jaal. I know it was best for everyone... None of this is your fault and I shouldn’t have…” I sighed again before continuing. “I’m sorry, too… And I don’t want to keep things bottled up. Not anymore. I’m tired of it: putting everyone before me; putting us on standby… Fuck them all!” His eyes were studying me, confused, flickering over my face, making an effort to understand what I was trying to say, as I was aware I was not making sense at all.

Sometimes facts are a thousand times better than words.   

So I stood on my tiptoes and I kissed him, Jaal stiffening his shoulders in response and gasping through his nose, surprised. And then, I felt him relax. And me too. I rested a hand on his bare chest, on the cartilaginous crest where his sternum should be. He circled my body with his strong arms, pulling me closer, his bioelectricity changing instantly into happiness. 

I didn’t recall the feeling of his lips the last time we kissed, as more than sure that I was a little bit under the weather… they were cooler than mine and soft, but also firmer than human ones. And they felt just perfect on mine. 

He was the one who broke the kiss with a thin smile to rest his forehead on mine.

“What I try to say…” I began, still worried about my shitty communication skills. 

Despite my efforts, he cut me off. “I understood enough, Sara.” He smirked and I felt his grip tightening on me. Was it my impression or his body felt warmer against mine?

I nuzzled his nose with mine, tilting my head while finding his lips again and lifting my free hand to his shoulder for balance. And I was able to definitely check that I was right: his mouth was warmer now. Especially noticeable when he answered my teasing parting his lips and darting his tongue forwards to find mine. I suppressed a sigh at the back of my throat with its feeling, rougher than I expected. The kiss was really sweet and… bloody hell, he was good at it. Or it could also be that I was really motivated, but I had to pull back, gasping for air, a moment he took leverage of, sliding a hand to the small of my back while the other climbed up to the nape of my neck, caressing my scalp and brushing my hair away with tenderness. He pulled me even closer to drop a sweet path of kisses on my neck, going down to my shoulder, nipping it gently while I closed my eyes and let a soft moan escaped my lips.

He stopped to look at me in the eye, fascinated, and I realized how blown his pupils were, nearly turning his whole iris black. His bioelectricity had also changed, turning into some message I’d never felt before.

At that moment I understood that this wouldn’t just stay in a sweet kiss.

He leaned forward to my neck again, nuzzling and kissing he sensitive skin before biting me on my exposed trapezius muscle. Heat pooled in my belly with the sharp but pleasurable pain and he sniffed after with a satisfied rumble coming from the back of his throat: he was smelling me. And that turned me on as I hadn’t been in a very long time. Jaal was analyzing me and my reactions to him. Studying me. Taking me apart on a figurative sense. Everything was new: his body, mine, our reactions to the other… even if we both were aware of the basic physiological and physical differences in our species, there were still so many things to figure out… 

“You are so sensitive… I can perfectly catch all the reactions you have to me...” he mumbled, delighted, sliding his finger from the back of my neck to the front of it slowly and going down to my chest, reaching the edge of the towel and tracing over the rather scarce mounds that my breasts formed under. 

My breath became sharper when he stopped with his index finger hooked on the top of the towel, and locked his eyes on mine. 

“Sara, I want you... Should I stop?” he purred, and I shook my head as an answer: I wanted him more than anything. “May I…?” The question was asked with a mixture of nervousness and desire, and I was able to feel a tiny pull on the towel I still kept wrapped around me. His pupils were wide blown now, the black nearly making his irises disappear. 

I let the towel go and it dropped on the tech lab floor with a rustling sound before his inquisitive eyes roamed my body with hungry curiosity. This time it was me who reached for him and I kissed him with need, circling his neck with my arms while he ran his hands all along my back and below, not leaving an inch of skin untouched. After a few seconds on hungry kisses, he lifted me up with ease and, before I realized, we were both lying on his bed. Jaal was kissing, nipping and biting all the sensitive areas of my body, beginning from my neck and lowering down slowly, submerging me in an ecstasy of pure pleasure. The world blurred in the edges when he licked tentatively in between my legs and I moaned loudly, surprised at the rough contact of his tongue again. 

“Is it good?” he asked me, already knowing the answer, as he was placing my thighs over his shoulders delicately. 

“Ye… Yes,” I stuttered, dying in anticipation. 

Satisfied with my response, he carried on with his teasing - with some of my guidance - exploring me meticulously to end up focusing on the bundle of nerves that had me nearly screaming and desperate for release. The feeling of his bioelectricity was just madness, crackling in every inch of skin we had in contact and it didn’t take long until my climax burst. And I don’t know if it was because of the texture of his tongue, or because of the electricity, or because there was too much tension built up in between us, but it was the best orgasm I’d ever had in my whole life. 

“Oh, shit… oh, shit, Jaal…” My mind was just blank, not being able to form any sentence that made sense. And that was when I was able to stop trembling, merely reduced to a puddle of shaky goo.  

The smirk on his face, still in between my legs, gave away how proud of himself he was. “What, darling one?” he asked me, dropping kisses on my inner thigh sensually. “Did you know that you have freckles down here, too?” he said, one tentative finger sliding down my wetness, teasing my entrance.

I sat up on the bed sharply: I’d never been timid with my body, but his eyes were still glued to _that_ part of me with devotion and curiosity, like trying to take a mental picture, and it was starting to get awkward. Besides, I also wanted to tease him.

“That felt good. Very good, indeed. I cannot believe I’m your first human,” I said playfully, sitting on my knees to kiss him again, while he copied my posture, cupping his cheeks with my hands. His pupils were still darkened to the limit.

He stopped the kiss in between pants and a soft growl escaped his mouth when my hands explored his chest, with all his crests and cavities, lingering down his lean abs and further down over his trousers to find… well, nothing at all. But he bit my lower lip with a shudder and groaned when I traced the area again, which made me recall that his sexual organs were internal. 

My thoughts were confirmed after a few more lazy strokes, feeling him unsheathe and grow under my touch, still with his pyjama trousers on. And the moan he made with my name… It was more than enough for me to get soaked for him.

This time it was me who pinned him down in bed, not without effort considering his size, but I was lucky he followed my lead. After kissing his hurt cheek and the visible part of his neck, I lowered my attentions to the crevices on his chest and further down, kissing, nipping and biting as he had done to me before, while feeling his fastened breathing. However, when I reached the side of his navel, he giggled and shook his whole body, making me stop in alarm.

“Sorry… It’s ticklish there,” he explained, still with a grin on his lips. Gods, how could he be so sweet, adorable and sexy at the same time? But the arousal thrummed in my ears and between my legs and before he was fully able to say anything else, I was pulling off his trousers and chucking them away. Sweet, adorable, sexy… and well…  bigger than I expected, although not that different in shape. I couldn’t help the stare and he perceived my hesitation, sitting up to catch my lips in a soft kiss. 

“We might not be compatible. I would be happy with whatever you want to give me, _taoshay_. Even if you want to stop now, I’ll be ok with it.” He whispered those words that close to my mouth that I felt his lips on mine, forming them while cupping one of my cheeks with adoration. 

“No! I mean… I think we are… But if we take things calmly. Is that ok?” I asked, liquid heat rushing through my body. 

When he nodded, he laid back down on the bed I sat on his lap. One of his hands was as light as a feather on my hip, as if he was scared to break me, although I noticed that the other one was firmly fisting the bedsheets, and I loved the way he stayed still for me, letting me lead the whole new interspecies intercourse. When I lowered myself on his length, the already sleek tip of it slipped with ease into my body. The stretch was unpleasant at first, but not more than the infamous _first time_ for women. I pulled up very slowly and lowered myself back down, taking a bit more of him inside. Jaal hissed and growled with each of my movements and I realized he was making a great effort to stay still for me. Soon, the blunt pain of the stretch turned into coils of pleasure when I lowered myself fully on him with a moan, sheathing him in me. Right after, I leaned forward to kiss him.

“All good?” he mumbled when I rested my forehead on his after nuzzling my nose on his. I could feel the rushed beat of his heart in his chest, glued as we were. His body shivered every time I moved my hips an inch.

“Yes,” I breathed out, caressing his non-injured cheek. “You know humanity is known about our _adaptability_ in every context you can think…” 

“It feels too… different. Too good. I don’t know for how long…”

“Jaal, is the first time ever. Stop worrying.”

He nodded and we stayed still for a while, getting used to his size, kissing fiercely while our alien body moulded to each other. It didn’t take long for me to begin moving my hips slowly and he answered, meeting my movements with small thrusts and extreme care. My pace fastened and he obliged, following my lead.  One of his hands travelled south, reaching the part where we were joined together and his thumb rested on the sensitive bud I showed him before, throwing delicious bolts of pleasure all over my body every time I rocked. Our kiss had stopped at some point although our lips were still together, sharing the air that escaped in the form of moans and his bioelectricity sparkled on my skin out of control once again.

“Sara, I can’t hold anymore...” he whispered, and I put all my emphasis in the deepness of my next thrusts, throwing him over the edge with a low moan that made me really proud of myself.

And I felt his release of bioelectricity when he shattered with his climax. Perhaps because I was close to mine too or because we were made for each other, who knows, but my second orgasm shook me with even more strength than the first one, making me actually scream of pleasure on his bed on a dead-quiet Tempest at night time. 

 _That_ would lead to a ton of questions of our crewmates in the morning for sure. 

I was satisfied, flushed and wasted on him, especially when he held me in his arms and kissed me softly. 

“ _Stars_ , Jaal… That was absolutely amazing… You are amazing,” I confessed, trying to catch my breath back. 

He chuckled quietly in response. “You haven’t done bad yourself, either. We can consider it a good intergalactic first time.” He caressed my back, giving me goosebumps.

I sighed and smiled before getting off him and sitting on the edge of the bed, doing my best to brush the rat nest that my orange hair was. I realized I hadn’t asked him about contraception, but I was on _blockers_ and I didn’t even know if our species would be genetically compatible… I also realized that something was eating him out and I could feel it in his staring and on his field. “Speak. I know you want to say something,” I said, leaning on him and planting another kiss on his lips casually.

“Sara… do you know what the term _taoshay_ means in _Shelesh_?” 

Because of the seriousness of his tone, I immediately felt that his question was guiding us to an important path. “Not really. I’ve read it before, but it doesn’t really translate.”

“It’s… a term of endearment. A very special one. We only use it with our partner; with the person we love. I would like to use it with you, Sara.”

A stupid grin crossed my face with the meaning of it. “Jaal, trust me, _this_ hasn’t just been a nightstand. There is more… And I know it will be difficult for some people to understand... And we’ll have to overcome loads of stuff ... But I want more, too.  I love you, Jaal.” 

His beautiful smile lit the world around us. 

“I love you too, _taoshay_.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep it sweet. Keep it fluff. I hope you enjoyed it ^^


	12. Don't you fucking dare...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - I hate this and I'll love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. Before and during Hunting the Archon.

“Sooo…” Sara said, dubious, curling against my body, using my arm as a pillow. Her soft orange hair splayed over my violet skin, creating a curious contrast. 

“So?” I asked, dropping a kiss on her forehead, brushing her hair, now slightly damp, away from her temple.

It had been one month already since Akksul shot me, although is not the main reason why I remember that day, precisely. I knew that my action had been reckless and utterly dangerous for my integrity. And even for my life. But it worked, as I meant it to… although I had to confess that I was not expecting to get away from it. Instead, I just had a scratch on my cheek... Even with the extremely positive outcome, I understood that she had been mad at me… Despite the fact that I had to praise the _Stars_ for her change of mind regarding _us_ : we slept together every single night since and I had the feeling we were not growing tired of each other any time soon. Her scent, the feeling of her lips on my skin… I just wanted to devour her... On a good way, of course. 

“So, it is true that your body temperature increases? Why? I mean, if you are in Voeld making out with someone… would you get warmer even with the cold environment?” She was playing thoroughly with my hand, trying to interlace her five slender fingers with my thicker three ones with poor results: in the end, she gave up, resting her full hand in my palm. Anyway, her questions were so… strange. Oddly specific. She made me think of things that I never thought about before. I even had to ask the Moshae for an informative compendium about angaran reproduction to be able to fulfil Sara’s curiosity. My old friend was obviously very intrigued about my request, as she perfectly knew my interest in those topics was nearly nonexistent before. By the mischievous look she gave me, she gave away that Sjefa knew the reason why I asked for that information, knowing what was going on in between Sara and me.

“Yes, it actually happens. We are not that affected by the external temperature as you humans are. We can self-regulate ours. Biologically speaking, we get warmer because our metabolism accelerates with the arousal and the fertilisation cells have more chances to survive in warmer environments.”

“Mmm… interesting. But such _fertilising_ discharge only happens when your species wants conception... That’s handy…”

I chuckled softly, caressing her cheek. “Less messy than your species, that’s for sure.”

During the last month, we had discovered some more differences between us on a sexual level. Not physically ones, rather than physiologically ones. For example, Sara explained to me that she was on _blockers_ : a type of hormone that blocked her ability to be fertile once a month, but human males always produced functional sperm. Shouldn’t then be the men the ones to be on blockers? In my species, angaran females were always fertile and males were able to decide _when_ to have progeny as we can actually choose to ejaculate or not, and we didn’t have any other contraceptive method apart of ourselves. Our _dry_ orgasms, basically based on a bioelectricity discharge, were slightly different than the _wet_ ones: a bit less intense. Obviously, I had never ejaculated in Sara, as I was not aware of how her species worked regarding those matters before our first encounter…But it was the first conversation that came up in front of the lack of… _gooey residue._..

“So you can actually decide _when_ to do it? I mean… like opening a valve o pressing a button?”

 _Pressing a button_ … It sounded simple… I never thought of it that way. “Kind of, I suppose. The signal goes to a different part of our brains, that get the fertilisation cells created and ready to be released in an organ in the sheath… You have actually made me study angaran biology to be able to explain all this to you, did you know that?” I joked smugly, pulling her closer to me for another kiss. 

She smiled at me and teased me, “Wow, Jaal… what happened with the ‘I’m not interested in biology’ guy? Although this is actually pretty sweet of you… And… we should try it next time if it feels better for you… the _wet_ thing, I mean. I’m not fertile like your females are, anyway.”

It was a point to be considered, and I shrugged, caressing her lean abs with my fingers. Then, I covered us with a blanket as I realized her skin was starting to get cooler.

We were both in her bed, as we had been every night for the last few days while travelling to the Tafeno system, where the last position of the Archon’s flagship had been recorded. The Moshae had entrusted us the mission of recovering an important relic, a map, that would give us the clue of where Meridian was. But it won’t be an easy task, considering that the same Archon might be there. 

“Pathfinder, Jaal Ama Darav, Kallo informed me that we are close to our destination. ETA, in 1 hour.”

She sighed next to me, gave me a quick kiss and scrambled out of the blanket. “Thanks, SAM. Please, let Kallo know that I’m reachable again. Have you passed the info to everyone already?”

I lingered my eyes in every freckle on her back while she walked gracefully naked in her quarters, tying her hair up. She was beautiful. Mesmerizing.

“Yes, Pathfinder.”

“Any lectures, by far?”

“Yes, Pathfinder: there’s a weak Initiative signal coming from the system: Suvi is already triangulating it. No kett presence for now.”

“Let’s hope for a smooth ride, then. Thanks, SAM,” she said, leaning on her railing in front of the massive viewpoint-windscreen of her room.    

I stood up in front of her quietness and I heard her breathing in deeply and slowly a couple of times. One of the most isolating things of being around the aliens was the lack of bioelectric fields: the air just felt too empty, making everyone difficult to read at the beginning. Then, that space began to be filled with subtle gestures and sounds that provided more non-verbal communication from the people around me. Until they were not aliens anymore. I got that she was worried, and I was perfectly able to read it on her, even if she didn’t pull her biotic _worried_ field around us. 

“Ey, everything will be fine. You have the best team anyone can even dream of: the toughest krogan warrior and the most handsome angaran sniper,” I whispered, hugging her from behind and dropping a kiss on the top of her head, as she was exactly one full-head shorter than me, inhaling her scent. 

It took her a little while to answer, though. And another deep breath in. “I know. We’ll kick his ass and get that relic. And kick his ass again if there’s time for it,” Sara finally said, turning around to give me one last kiss before pulling away from my embrace to find her clothes. 

 

***

 

“Some kind of immobilizing field…” Sara grunted a few steps before me while I tried really hard to release my body from the embrace of the invisible thing with no results. 

We were suspended on the air in the Archon’s ship. And the _skkuting_ bastard had just come in the room and was walking around us like a hunter delighted at the vision of his prey. 

“You’re a good specimen for exaltation… Perhaps, that would be your destiny after today,” I heard him say from somewhere behind me.

_Over my dead body._

The Archon strode the distance to Sara in a few steps and I groaned with frustration when he examined her. The fury burned in my skin and in my bioelectricity when he grabbed her face roughly, making her look up.  

“Keep you _skkuting_ hands away from her!” I growled as a menace.

“Pick on someone your size, you twat,” Drack shouted from somewhere on my right. 

“Mmm… You seem to have good allies, human. Sadly, they both will die today.” The Archon moved her head to the sides, before pulling it down, exposing her neck with ease. 

“Fuck you,” she shouted, and I snarled at the sight of the syringe that, in a fluid movement, the Archon poked her neck with. 

The first thought that rushed in my mind and broke my spirit was that she was being exalted. But then I realized that a small compartment of the instrument was filling with a red liquid: her blood. 

“Save your strength, human,” he said getting really close to her face once he had finished the extraction. The look on his face was curious, like trying to decipher the enigma he had in front: the fact that the apparently weak and tiny human was able to interact with Remnant technology. A privilege he had only able to dream with.

The door closed behind him when he left the room and a relieved sigh escaped my lips involuntarily. 

“Sara, are you alright?” I asked, terribly worried.

“Yes, I’m just pissed now. Shit… SAM, any ideas of how to get out of this?”

“The containment field only interacts with living matter. If you expire, the field around you will extinguish until manually reset.”

The statement was followed for a few silent seconds, while we all analyzed what SAM was trying to say.

“So, if you shut down my life signs... If you kill me… the field will disappear?”

“Affirmative. Then I attempt to resuscitate.”

There were a couple of tense silent seconds around us.

“Don’t you fucking dare, _kid_ ,” Drack warned her, grunting in disagreement. 

“It has to be another option, SAM,” I begged, as I couldn’t believe what the AI was actually proposing.

“None that I can determine, Jaal Ama Darav.”

“Sara, you cannot... What if it doesn’t work?” I said, not trying to hide the panic in my voice anymore. I couldn’t see her face, as she was a few steps in front of me, but her silence told me that she was resolved to do it. 

“ _Kid_ , don’t be stupid… We’ll find another way,” Drack grunted, struggling to break free, as well as I was: a pointless effort. 

But it seemed that her decision was made and the thought made me want to throw up. Waves of worry and sadness flooded me, realizing that Sara was going to die in front of me and there was nothing I could do to avoid it. “It’s the only way… I’m sorry, Jaal,” she mumbled. Immediately, she went limp and, as she did, she fell on the deck, free from the field. 

“Fuck, _kid_ , you better come back. SAM!” Drack growled loudly. 

I was frozen and speechless, watching the scene as if it was part of a film, not real life. And I was terrified. My heart raced painfully in my chest as the seconds went by and she lied still on the deck. “SAM!” I shouted, out of my mind.

And, all of a sudden, she opened her eyes, sitting up immediately, touching her chest and gasping for air. 

I felt dizzy when the relief flooded me: she was fine. Sara was alright. She was alive. She stood up shakily and looked at our preoccupied expressions, pale but with a small grin, standing up and getting closer to the console.

“You two look comfortable,” she teased us before switching the remaining fields off. 

The krogan and I fell synchronized with a loud thump. I couldn’t think straight but I was perfectly aware that, even being lovers in private, she was my superior in that mission. Meaning, not the moment for a scene. But I couldn’t help myself. “That was reckless, Sara! A stupid decision!” I complained in a low and still panicked voice, hardly keeping the argument away from the krogan. It could consist of insubordination, but my fear was still speaking for me. 

“Not that different from what you did in front of Akksul, Jaal. It was for the best.” Her gesture was hard and her words were a clear reproach, although she was right: I put myself at risk on the same reckless way. _For the best._ Even so, the lump in my throat remained there.

“She’s right, _kiddo_ : you are stupid, too,” Drack said, addressing to me this time. “You are both stupid. That’s why you make a good couple.”

We both scoffed at his words and I had to truly restrain myself to gather her in my arms. I sighed deeply instead and her hand slid over mine in a subtle comforting gesture, squeezing me slightly. “I’m fine, Jaal. But we have to find the relic and help the Paarchero ark. And kill that fucking bastard if we can,” she whispered.

I nodded my head in agreement, giving her a thin smile. My worry was still there, but I would have to get used to it. She was a Pathfinder, anyway: brave, courageous, strong… a brilliant risk-taker. My role was to be her guardian, help her and protect her. 

Some time ago, the kett snatched my boyhood love from me.

That same day I promised myself that I would ever let the Archon hurt Sara. 

Never. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! I know it's been two weeks... But my weekends are very busy at the moment. I hope you like this chapter, fluff and angst served and some more angaran and human differences during sex... I am very pleased to see how well this story is working and how many kudos is getting! Thank you all for it! They are very very appreciated! ^^


	13. Children are just curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Unintended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV: with Jaal's family.

“I hope you like it, Sara. It’s been quite difficult to find a cookbook from Earth… None of our merchants was able to locate one. I had to go to that funny girl with the odd hat that trades on the scientific outpost. I hope that the ingredients are the correct ones! Trust me, this is the first time I try to cook anything human...”

I looked at Jaal’s mum and smiled with tenderness. Her kitchen was plagued with well-known ingredients from Earth but, if I had to be honest, I couldn’t find myself the way to put them all together in a dish. Not that I was an enthusiast of cooking. Actually, my best cooking attempt while together with Jaal had been a banana loaf and a vegetable stir-fry. 

“Don’t worry Sahuna. I’m sure it will be delicious for sure. Can I ask what are you making?”

“It says here…” the angaran woman narrowed her eyes and got closer to the datapad where the recipe was copied, using her fingers to make the letters slightly bigger and more readable, “ _vegetarian shepherd’s pie…_ or something similar…” she said, thoughtfully. “Jaal told me that you are from _Skotland_ , apart from Earth. The trader told me this was typical from there... My son couldn’t explain to me… how can you be born in two different places at the same time?”

I recalled the conversation we had in the shuttle less than two hours ago while travelling to his family’s house. “Well, since the Systems Alliance was formed, we always referred to the Earth as _our planet_ and _our origin_ , but we never specified where on Earth we were exactly from. My planet was divided in continents, seven to be exact, as large territories. Inside them, there were different countries. Scotland was one of them, quite close to the North magnetic pole. It was cold during the most part of the year, but not as cold as Voeld, though. Scottish were always considered quite stubborn and always ready to fight for our ideals… And then, there’s this genetic thing of the red-hair… Is somehow uncommon and also very typical from there,” I explained to her, who was looking at me with unconcealed interest, peeking at my head. 

“Your hair is beautiful. I understand why Jaal likes it so much. The colour is bright. Angaras appreciate strong colours,” she explained to me with a mothering tone, making me blush slightly. 

“Thanks. I’m glad you like it too,” I said, a little lost in the strange compliment. I thought that I had to offer something in return, “and your skin colouration… It’s beautiful. Similar to your son’s… lighter perhaps…”

Sahuna stared at me, with an amused field around and hiding a thin smile in front of the odd praising exchange. I was the one bursting into laughter first, but she followed me after. 

“Oh… I’m so sorry… Honestly, I don’t know how to compliment you or what is appropriate… Jaal told me about the skin colour… I don’t really know if that applies to everyone, or which colours are nicer…” I explained, still smiling.

“Well, we are in a tie here, then… I don’t even know if what I said about your hair was rude or too daring! Let’s do something… Let’s put the compliments aside for now. I didn’t know you were able to read our bioelectric fields,” she commented on a tone that required more information while putting a whole lot of potatoes in a sort of thin skewer. They were immediately peeled and I emitted a hum of surprise: _angaran technology, making people lives easier_. I needed to get one of those...

“Jaal has shown me the basics. I know you use them as a communicative adding and how important they are: I just want to make sure I don’t miss any information or there are no misunderstandings. We had a couple of funny situations when we first travelled together…” I recalled with a smile Peebee’s flirting attempts and how cryptic all the chats with the skittish angara were. How different things were now. “I suppose we have learnt a lot about each other. And about our cultures. Although there’s always something different and new… Every day is exciting!” 

I did my best to create an _excited_ field with my biotics. My attempts were still clumsy and I was starting to think that I would never be able to perfectly copy them: there were too many hints and touches they embroidered their fields with that went unnoticed for me. Imperceptible and unrepeatable. Even with SAM’s help. But at least I was trying.    

Sahuna grinned at me, feeling my shaky biotics around when putting the next round of potatoes on the skewer. I was glad she was a very easy person to talk to and she was truly doing her best to make me feel comfortable and welcomed in a house full to the brim of angaras: their family. She had even banned anyone else in the kitchen to have some privacy and some relaxed conversation with the hairy _Meelky Way_ alien… Jaal’s _special friend_ according to Sahuna’s sister… His _girlfriend,_ if we consider his cousin’s opinion: a word they had actually copied from English to denominate me. 

Not that I was nervous about meeting his mum, but... Back in the Milky Way, interspecies relationships were no longer a taboo. However, Andromeda was different… Angaras had just discovered that there were more _good_ aliens apart of themselves in the universe and that meant a scission in the public opinion: groups like the Roekkar, even with no visible head now, were still popping up like mushrooms and gaining support, while others were starting to accept and even express their gratitude for our arrival, as we were siding up with them in order to defeat the Archon. 

Jaal’s family had links with the Roekkar before and that made me quite hesitant thinking what their level of acceptance would be towards me. It was understandable: I was an alien; Jaal was a known face among the angaras because of his role in the Resistance… He could be with loads of angaran people _closer to home_ instead of me… 

_What if his family were not as open-minded as Jaal was? What if they were not ok with us? With me?_

A feeling of uncertainty and a mild panic had been twisting my guts during the whole shuttle trip and it only began to disappear once I was able to unfreeze and hug his mum when we met, as I knew angaras liked. Then, his family was… well, sort of normalizing my presence there, which was actually quite reassuring: some of the mothers showed real interest in my homeworld and the differences with Andromeda wildlife. His brother Lathoul, fully recovered, wanted to know everything about our missions and progress against the Archon, and some of his cousins joined in with the briefing immediately. Before I could realize, Jaal had disappeared, dragged by a bunch of angaran children that hadn’t seen his uncle in a long time. They were still too shy to get close to me to ask me any questions, in spite of their indiscreet stares and whispers in a more-than-clear curiosity about the odd alien in their house. Athough they were getting more confident in their approximation and distance when Sahuna called me into the kitchen, as she required my help there… who knows what for, because she completely forbade me to touch anything. _Cooking in someone else’s home is not considered acceptable,_  Jaal had taught me before we arrived. That was actually a relief, as I wouldn’t have had any idea of what to do at all!

While recalling all those thoughts, the angaran woman had put all the peeled potatoes and other vegetables in a sort of pot that she closed, pressing some buttons on the control panel. After five seconds, she put the lid aside in a blow of steam: they were all cooked. She sorted the potatoes in one bowl and mixed the other vegetables, together with some chopped _something_ similar to mushrooms, in another one. 

“I don’t think angaras are able to eat processed soya… So I’ll use a local variety of mushrooms instead. They are edible for your species, don’t worry. Although I don’t know if the texture would be the same… or even the flavour…” she said, somehow apologetic. 

“Sahuna, I think this is the most valuable present anyone in Andromeda has given to me… Some real food. I mean… I’m sure it will taste amazing!”

She openly laughed now, pleased with my answer. Then, she told me, “Jaal thinks highly of you, Sara. And that’s a great deal: I was starting to lose hope on him… My most handsome son, but also the most unlucky… And also the pickiest! Is the less I could do: to make you feel at home. You will be always welcome here.”

Her words were honest and she smiled tenderly at me with them. She stirred a warm feeling in my chest and the sudden thought of how much my mum would have liked her or Jaal tightened in my throat. I knew Jaal had told her about my complex family situation: my dad was dead, as well as my mum, my brother was in a coma… All joy and cheerfulness! Besides, I knew how much angaras considered family important and she had just opened her door for me: a door of belonging. 

I swallowed hard, still staring, trying to undo the knot that was restraining my voice. My eyes dampened. “I… Thanks, Sahuna. He’s very important to me, too. Loads... And…” I had to stop myself and sniff, a little embarrassed of my own humanity and badly-timed outburst of emotions. Although knowing how angaras were, I think she wouldn’t have minded me crying my eyes out in her kitchen. “I do really appreciate your effort and your words. _Eddora_.”     

Before any of us could make a movement for a new hug that I was nearly screaming for, the door opened with a hiss and a burst of children's laughter and a massive violet figure came into the kitchen carrying two little angaras in his arms. 

“Oh! Sorry to interrupt,” Jaal stopped on his heels and rumbled, feeling his mother’s field and looking at my red eyes. Both children stopped their giggles, too.

“No! Don’t be silly! It’s ok: I was just telling your mum how lovely she is and what a handsome son she has,” I said, making Jaal and his mum chuckle, easing the mood.

The two little angaras, both of them purple, realizing the electrostatic field had changed, resumed their laughing, trying to tickle his uncle around the waist.

“These two little pickles were very curious about you: they hadn’t stopped asking me questions. But I’m not the one who should answer them. So,” Jaal put both children on the floor with ease, as if they weighed nothing at all, and poked their tummies with his fingers, “are you going to ask the _alien_ yourselves? She will be very friendly, I promise.”

They were absolute cuties and didn’t even look up at me because of their shyness. They were not more than 5 years old… given or taken, and had the same skin colouration than his uncle and one of Jaal’s sisters, so I deduced they must have been her children. The girl grabbed Jaal’s leg and hid behind it, peeking at me from the safety of his uncle’s figure. I squatted down to their level and asked the little boy with my best friendly biotic field around me. “Ey there, brave boy! What is your name?”

He looked at Sahuna with a surprised smile, as the odd alien, that actually spoke, wanted to know his name.  She nodded her head, letting him know that it was ok to talk to me. “I’m Relo.”

“And who is that behind your uncle?”

The little girl giggled from her hideout, knowing that we were talking about her.

“She’s my sister, Krist. But she’s shy because she’s little.” The disconformity grunt providing from the girl was audible and it made me smile. They were clearly twins and I found it amazing, as I used to pick on my ‘little’ brother the same way that Andromeda boy was doing.

“So, you are the oldest one. I am older than my brother, too. My name is Sara.”

“I know. My uncle told me. Are you his _taoshay_?” he asked with a high-pitched voice and still rudimental curiosity bioelectricity field.

Children's questions. Definitely daring.

“Yes, I am. His _ta-o-shay.._. I suppose he’s mine, too.” Curiously, Sahuna seemed more pleased with my answer than the child, as she resumed her labour on the kitchen counter, not before giving a significant gaze to Jaal, who openly smiled at her.

“Oh! But you look odd… Why are you an alien?” His brow was slightly furrowed with the deep implications of the question and I found surprising how similar he was to Jaal. Would my _taoshay_ have looked like this little boy when he was a child?

“Well, because I come from a different planet very very far away,” I explained.

“Further away than Aya?”

“Even further, yes.” 

“Wow…” Those seemed to be final words before he threw an arm forwards, trying to catch a lock of my hair. 

“Relo, remember what we said about being polite…” Jaal warned him.

“Aha… May I touch your hair, Sara?” the little angara asked me with a dubious tone and massive curious eyes. Her sister had come out from behind his uncle’s leg with the mention of the hair.

I had to chuckle at the request and it's politeness, actually mirroring Jaal's words when he first asked me for it. “Yes, of course. Just don’t pull too hard, ok?”

It was the girl who darted her hand first and grabbed a lock, giggling shyly. She let it go nearly immediately, hiding behind Jaal again. 

“My turn!” the boy said. 

His exploration was more thoughtful than her sister’s and, after the hair, he decided he wanted to explore my unusual protuberant nose tip and the different number of fingers on my hands. I ended up sitting on the floor with the boy on my knees while Jaal played with her niece around the kitchen, bumping into his mum from time to time. It was a delight to see their interactions as we hadn't found many angaran children around: he totally loved them... Sahuna, clearly busier than us and somehow fed up with the amount of sound and constant bumping of his massive son, disrupting her word, asked us politely to get out of the kitchen and leave her alone.

 

***

 

The sky in Havarl was purple, blue and black, with the sempiternal vision and shining of the gas giant planet around which the _technically a satellite_ , orbited around. I was on the balcony after dinner, who was absolutely delicious, by the way. Most of his family had begun to disappear into the only real private areas of the house: their bedrooms. The _little sanctuary_ , as Jaal had called his. Both twins made a real fuss about the fact that I could not sleep in the same quarters than them and it took nearly fifteen minutes and lots of bribery to get them to bed. In fact, Jaal was still at it. 

I grew up looking up at lots of different skies during my life: first on Earth, even if I don’t remember it properly; then, wherever the spatial station took us. We also lived in the Citadel for a long time, being the space around us black and white starred. And then, different Milky Way planets for short periods. I was nearly an expert in skies. But I could say without any kind of doubt that the sky in Havarl had the most beautiful blending of purple and blue shades I had ever seen. 

I was so absorbed that I didn’t feel his strong arms circling my body from behind. Jaal rested his chin on the top of my head, not before dropping a kiss there. “Well, it hasn’t been that bad, has it?”

I chuckled in his arms, recalling my panic that same morning. Clearly pointless.

“Havarl can get very cold during the night; we should go inside,” he rumbled, calmly, hugging me tighter.

“Mmm… that’s a good excuse to get me into bed, you cheeky,” I said, turning around and getting on my tiptoes to get to kiss his lips. They were extremely warm compared to mine. I felt the tips of them curling up in a sly smile.

“It might not be the best moment, with all my family around... Especially considering how loud you are sometimes…”

I smacked his arm playfully but with a seductive tone, “I can also be very quiet, in case you want to check it..”

His laugh was a low and smug, trying to remain quiet in the dark and silent night. “Well, darling one, that would be a good exploration to carry on tonight.” But he didn’t kiss me again and cupped my chin instead. “My mum loves you. And so do Krist and Relo. And my family. You’ll be welcome here whenever you want to, _taoshay_.”

I smiled gratefully at his words. However, a random thought popped into my brain. "Jaal... After seeing you today here... I didn't know how much you like children."

His face and field showed surprise about the statement. "It seemed to me that you also like them, am I right?" he asked me with a playful tone.

We hadn't been together for that long to even consider the actual fact of conception. I never thought about it before but now, seeing him with his niece and nephew... "Jaal, I know how important families are for your species... We might not be genetically compatible to have our own..." 

"I know. And I don't mind as long as we are together. That could be another thing to figure out, Sara. With you." His arms circled me again tightly and warmly.

He was able to bright my heart and my world with his words, and I smiled, lost in the multiple stars of his eyes.

“I love you, Jaal.”


	14. That's the spirit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - I'm feeling good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaal's POV. After Scott wakes up.

“C’mon, Jaal. Hurry up! We’re gonna be late!” Liam shouted from the cargo bay. “And you are the angaran liaison… you can’t be late. Ryder will kick my ass!”

I fastened the last buckles on my suite and passed the _rofjinn_ over my head with calmness in spite of my dear human friend getting more and more desperate waiting for me. The occasion was important, so the garment was mandatory, and putting it on required some sort of solemnity.  Besides the mental image of my dearest Sara kicking Liam’s ass greatly amused me.  

“Ok, ok… I’m ready… Let’s go,” I said in the end, walking towards the hatch. Liam… well, he was splendid in his smart initiative clothes and I couldn’t help but notice that he also smell very well… and very familiar indeed. When I reached his side, I stopped and sniffed around him with a suspicion gesture and he stared back at me, eyes wide open and a sort of cheeky smile on his lips. 

“What?” he asked me with his best innocent tone. I knew him too well to know that he was hiding something… My eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

“Are you wearing one of my perfumes?” I asked, realizing that his personal scent was combined with traces of Havarl flowers and spices.

His lips became a very thin line on his face: guilt. “Mmmmh… perhaps? It smelled nice, Jaal! You always do... Have you smelled the Initiative ones? They are terrible!”

Time for a prank, perhaps? 

My eyes blew up wide with his impudence: I was totally in shock! “That is a very personal thing. You cannot just borrow my perfume and use it on you! Why would you do that?” I sort of roared with an indignant face.

“Oh! Shit… I didn’t know…” Liam managed to stutter in front of my reaction. “Is it something bad? To borrow someone else’s perfume? I had no idea, Jaal. I’m so sorry...” He looked quite confused and sorrowful in front of my reaction as, in spite of our constant jokes, we always tried to be quite respectful with each other’s customs and he thought that he had totally _screwed up_. In front of his apologetic gesture and his panic face, I couldn’t contain myself anymore: I burst into laughter and Liam stared at me, bewildered and confused for some seconds before he chuckled, acknowledging the prank and shaking his head in disbelief. “You were just messing with me, weren’t you?”

I had to dry the tears that had formed at the corner of my eyes and my abdomen muscles began to hurt with the effort, but still took me a few seconds to be able to speak again. “Ohhhh… you should have seen your face. Oh, _stars_ … That was funny,” I managed in front of his still bewildered gesture.

“Ha, ha, ha… very funny, indeed. I was scared shitless, you twat! Trust me, I will return this favour…” he said, now walking in the Nexus towards the Cultural Exchange Centre.   

“I’ll be looking forward to it… By the way, it’s true that perfumes are very personal for angaras, so don’t do it to anyone else,” I advised, although I had seconds thoughts about it immediately - my angaran side won the battle - and I grumbled. “Actually… just don’t do it again.”

We walked side by side until we heard the music that came from the centre: a mix of a female voice, choirs and melodies that resounded nearly painfully in my brain… Definitively, not the type of music I was used to. “What is that… song?” I asked Liam when I realized he was moving his lips, following the words on the lyrics.

“That, my friend, is the Christmas spirit! … _I just want you for my own... more than you could ever know…_ ” he sang, knowing the words and the melody by heart. 

 _Chrristmas_ … An odd concept for me, if I understood it properly. My Sara explained to me that, many years ago a little child who was the saviour of mankind was born and he grew up doing good things and died in the end, which was not a surprise at all. She said something of him being the son of a god, and being a god as well… too tangled to fully understand it. Many years later, he became a religious icon to follow and everyone worshipped him… Well, she said half of the planet. Or even less, because Earth had many religions at that time. With that festivity, they commemorate the day that child was born, but with the pass of the years, and according to her own words, it was more like _getting all the family together, stuffing your faces with food, drinking and getting pissed as if it was the end of the world and buying especial presents for the people you care about and crap for everyone else._ She didn’t mention anything about specific music for the event and I really didn’t get why that custom was still ongoing when I had quite clear that my dearest Sara was not a religious person at all. 

“It’s just tradition, Jaal. An excuse to gather everyone together and have a good time, I suppose,” Liam explained when I requested more information about the festivity. 

“But it was something you only did on Earth… Why the other species copied you?” I wondered, puzzled. 

Liam chuckled. “Because humans can be very convincing… And because we know how to throw a party! I don’t know when it began, but I suppose that we made such a great fuss every Christmas than everyone else was jealous… So they decided to join in!” he concluded with a wide and proud smile.

“To be honest, I’m not able to imagine turians, salarians or krogans partying as humans do… Asari perhaps…” I considered aloud. 

“Well, they don’t. Not usually. But some of them are happy to join in if you pull the correct strings,” he explained, thoughtful. “Not krogan, though… They only get really pissed...”

“ _Nothing new under the sun_ , then,” I said, copying one of his expressions… idioms… whatever. and Liam looked at me pulling a sad face, pretending to drain a tear from his eye. 

“So proud… I’m so proud…” he mumbled in a fake cry. 

When we got into the Cultural Centre, I realized everyone was highly dressed up, even for every species standards, and everything around was… I don’t know.. Dazzling? Blinding? There were lots of straps with gold and brilliant red shimmery things on the walls, fake snow on the floor and a dozen of conic made-of-plastic somethings, as tall as me, that had certain resemblance with trees. They all had small spheres on them. Tons of them, actually. And wrapped-in-sparkly-paper cubes and prisms under. And more shiny and sparkly stuff everywhere. And flashing lights. And the awful music...

It was the weirdest and most bizarre festivity I’ve ever seen and I wondered why humanity had such a thing for bright decorations… If that was what their function were...

Liam left me stranded to get some drinks and I froze, still on the entrance, looking around with my eyes wide-blown, trying to distinguish any known face under the general shine of everything. Even the aliens in there wore brilliant head decorations and paper necklaces! And it was not just humans… Asari, some turians and salarians seemed to be enjoying themselves in the human festivity. 

That was insane…

“ _Ok, this is odd. But you are open-minded and you have lived worse things with the aliens already. Don’t try to understand… Just get a drink and find your friends…_ ” I thought, dodging a group of really drunk asaris that were singing the beginning of a new deafening song, about something called _Rudolff_. 

_...then all the reindeers loved him as they shouted out with glee…_

My translator didn’t pick half of the words… What the _stars_ was a _raindeerr_?

“Eh, Jaal!” I heard someone calling my name. Vetra, Gil and, believe it or not, Drack at the bar. 

I got closer to order a drink first. “Hi, darling! Merry Christmas! Do you want some punch, mulled wine or you’ll stick to the _tavuum_?” the asari waitress asked me with a cheerful smile.

“ _Wait. Has she just offered me to be punched?_ ” I thought, perplexed.

“Get a mulled wine, Jaal. It’s yummy!” Gil said. “You’ll like it!” Then, he raised his cup to me on a toast and I realized he looked a little pissed already.

“Yeah… I mean… what can go wrong…?” I sighed, ordering the wine. Vetra and Drack looked extremely serious, even bored, leaning on the counter and sipping methodically from their drinks, while Gil danced in between them, singing. Liam came back and joined him immediately, full of joy. 

I had to admit that I had never seen them that happy and uninhibited before… and I had seen them both totally plastered.  

“This is…” I began talking to Drack and Vetra, looking around overwhelmed, furrowing my brow.

“Excessive?” the turian put the word at the end of the sentence.

“Too bright?” Drack grunted.

“I was about to say _crazy_ , but yes. Any of them actually work,” I admitted. 

Right after, Liam put one of the shiny necklaces around Vetra’s neck, but when he was about to do the same for Drack, he grunted. “Don’t you dare, human…”

“I’ll have it. It’s fine…” I offered, ducking my head to get the strange complement around my cowl.

“That’s the spirit!” Gil shouted, making a toast with me and spilling his drink everywhere with a cackle. 

And I sipped.  

“ _Skkut_! This is not wine… It’s hot! What is it?” I asked, baffled and spitting it back in the cup. It was spicy… different. And hot! Really hot!

Suddenly, I felt a thin arm sneaking around my waist and Sara appeared next to me with a strange red hat on her head and a beautiful and really short black dress that stuck to her skin like her under-armour suit did. “It’s mulled wine, Jaal! You have to drink it while it’s hot!” she told me over the music, before getting on her tiptoes to give me a furtive kiss next to my lips, to my surprise.  

“ _Aaaaaaaaw_!” Gil and Liam chanted in unison at her gesture, before bursting into laughter like silly children.

“I thought we were trying to keep things hidden at the Nexus… Tann, and everything…” I said, brushing her hand away from my waist with all the pain of my heart. 

She snorted loudly and I suspected she already had a couple of mulled wines before I arrived. “Evfra told him about us… A casual comment slipped in a conversation last week… Bloody big blue bastard…” she said, all sarcasm, lacing my waist again.

“Oh... that’s not Evfra at all. Perhaps it was just a mistake…” I began before she cut me. 

“I’m not complaining… He’s been helpful, actually, smoothing things, I think. And I didn’t have to confront Tann, so it’s been a win-win! Actually… remember me to thank him, next time we see your _friend_ …”

“Was he mad at you?” Vetra asked with a disgusted gesture.

“He was, trust me… He made a whole drama about an intergalactic and interspecies conflict if we don’t work out… As if I was the only one who has discovered all the benefits your species offer...” she told me, playful tone and patting my buttocks, making me startle. “Trust me, Vetra, you should...” she joked with a flirty field around and winking an eye at me.

Ok, she was drunk as I was sure that she had just made a sex joke hat made me feel embarrassed but proud of myself at the same time. Vetra snorted and I grinned, satisfied with the outcome: no more hiding from anyone, which would be a nice change for once. 

My mood shifted, according to the circumstances, and I even decided to give a second chance to the mulled wine thing.

It was not that bad…

Half hour and three glasses later, my _Chrristmas spirit_ was starting to take off: the lights didn’t seem that annoyingly blinding anymore and even the music had some sense when the humans got to explain me some of the meaning of them. Gil even looked for a picture of a _raindeerr_ on his omnitool to show me what they were.

“So… those animals… the _raindeerrs_ , they pull the spaceship of _the Santa Claus person_ ,” I said while pointing to my dearest silly hat, “because they fly… Magically… Which is a concept that I don’t get... And he brings presents to children around the world. All in one night…”

“Yeah! That’s it!” Sara’s smile was a delight, lips matching the red colour of _the Santa Claus_ hat.

“I think you’ve got it, now!” Gil agreed.

“You humans are insane…” Drack grumbled, still leaning on the bar with a pile of empty cups in front of him, all stacked up. At that moment, I doubted he could stand on his feet without help.

All of a sudden, Sara’s expression changed from amusement to true and full joy, looking over Liam’s shoulder. She stepped out of our circle to hug someone who had just turned up, making the guy stumble some steps back with her emphasis. He had a cane and was walking slightly funny, probably because of the lack of practice, and had light brown hair that hinted a copper shade under. His face was full of freckles, just like my Sara.

Actually, I realized he was a taller and broader male copy of her, and I rush of nervousness made me feel strangely uneasy, realizing that that man was her twin brother, the one who woke up just five days ago. 

And I forgot to ask my _taoshay_ if she had finally told him about me. 

“Scott! I didn’t know you were coming! Does doctor Carlyle know about this?” she asked him, telling him off with her tone.

“Of course he does! He drove me here, actually. How could I miss Christmas, sis?” he looked really excited about the party around and I couldn’t avoid thinking of how similar they were… Somehow disturbing.

They joined the circle, Sara helping him on his steps, holding his arm. “Guys, this is my brother, Scott. I talk a lot about you, so they nearly know you, already…” she joked.

“Only the good stuff, I hope,” Scott said with a friendly smile.

“And the bad too, trust me!” Gil exclaimed, making him chuckle.

“Well, this is Gil. You already know Liam. That’s Vetra… the pissed krogan who won’t remember you because he’s quite hammered already is Drack… And... this is Jaal,” she told him with a cheeky smile that I had seen many times before when a little embarrassed about any of my compliments.

My breath was caught in my chest with the introduction and I shook his hand the way I knew humans did. Perhaps a little bit too affectionate. And tight.  And definitely nervous.

“That’s a good grip, mate,” he commented, witty, in front of my handshake. 

_Too hard. I got it._

“Nice to meet you all. Would you mind if I sit? My muscles are still quite messed up…”

He didn’t pay me any special attention, although I was ready for any sort of comments, so I relaxed slightly. Then, the time went by and the knot on my stomach finally disappeared after more mulled wines and some trivial conversation about the Tempest with him. Scott showed interest in my people, my experience in the alien spaceship and even dared to ask me to pull a bioelectric field for him, just _to know how it feels,_  and our conversation became fluid and distended. More natural, even joking about customs and differences between our species.  

I just assumed that Sara hadn’t told him yet, even is she was peeking at us from time to time, trying to figure out what our chat was about.

And, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, his gesture shifted into a grave serious mask and a frozen harsh tone flooded his words. “So, now my sister is happy with our small chat, tell me. What do you want from her?”

My shoulders stiffened in surprise with the question, but even more with the change in his behaviour, clearly aggressive and territorial. I understood and empathize with the fact that he was protecting the only family he had left, although that didn’t ease my stuttering. “I… I think… I don’t know. Everything,” I managed to say with the shock. The truth. “And I’ll give her everything, as well.”

He hummed with something similar to approval, although nothing in his look reflected it, his squared jaw still firmly clenched. “Sara has fallen very very badly... She speaks wonders about you. I’ve never seen my sister like this with anyone. And with all this _pathfinding_ thing… She doesn’t need another problem on her list... Do you understand me?” he asked, sounded more like a warning. Or a threat. I realized he was actually calling me _a problem_.

“I love her. Madly. More than my life. And I would never let anything bad happen to her. Not while I’m alive,” I told him with a firmness clearly given by my feelings and perhaps too many glasses of wine. 

Scott’s face seemed to soften with my words and tapped my shoulder with a quirk of a smirk on his lips. “That’s what I wanted to hear… Keep her happy and I’ll be happy because she’s the most important thing to me now. And don’t you dare to even hurt her, because I’ll hunt you and I’ll skin you alive,” he told me with a smile as if nothing happened.

I swallowed the knot in my throat after his warning, still not believing the conversation we had just had. Rationalizing it, I would have been able to wipe him off the surface of the Nexus with my bare hands, considering his physical condition after the comma, so his threats were pointless.

Even so, I felt utterly intimidated.

To sum up? He was a psychopath.

“Well, how are you getting along, guys?” Sara broke the tension of our exchange with her presence, grabbing both my arm and Scott’s on a very loving way.

“Good. Very good. I sort of like him,” her brother said with a nice and warm tone as if the words directed to me had never been mentioned.

As I said, a _skkuting_ psychopath.

My beloved Sara frowned with his cheerfulness. Probably because she found it suspicious too, and looked at me with an interrogative face. 

It took me a little bit too long to realize she was expecting my opinion. “Ehm… yes. Good. Just... you know. Getting to know each other...” I stuttered.

Scott looked pleased with my answer, although Sara cocked an eyebrow in suspicion and I was suddenly aware that my field expressed something totally different. Even so, she got on her tiptoes to give me a kiss on my cheek and a comforting squeeze on my arm before facing his brother with an annoyed gesture.  “Would you mind not to be an asshole, please?”

Her twin widened his eyes in an innocent face I had also seen her some times. “Me? Never!” 

Then, my darling one scoffed, talking to me again. “Don’t listen to him, whatever he says. He is an ASS-HOLE!” she pronounced, stressing all the syllables on purpose while pulling a face at him, making him openly laugh. 

I deep-breathed in front of the scene. 

“ _Well, this is to be my family now..._ ” I thought with a mixture of resignation and happiness.  

“By the way Jaal, come with me!” she said, grabbing my arm and dragging me with her with a cheeky smile, not giving me the option to escape. “I need to show you something about the mistletoe...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry at all about this chapter because it's Christmas!!! How odd this festivity must seem for anyone else that is not into it! Well, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks and comments!!! ^^


	15. You and I must fight to survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Knights of Cydonia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara's POV. During Meridian: the way home.

We have just found Meridian. The centre of everything. SAM exam indicated that activating it, all the other connected planets would heal on a faster pace, creating a habitable Heleus for everyone: Angaras and Initiative. Together.

“It’s that a planet? It looks… constructed,” Cora’s bewildered tone spoke by itself. 

“Can this be correct? The data says is hollow,” Jaal added.

In spite of the truth on their affirmations, I couldn’t stop staring at the massive sphere the map show in front of us under the dim lights of the Remnant city, with a deep feeling of relief growing in me. Contained emotion by the fact that we have found the home we were looking for. There, within easy reach. After all the uncertainties and loss. Meridian was there.

I was about to cry with happiness and turn around to jump on Jaal, full of joy. 

Until the Archon’s voice sunk the feeling deep in my guts. 

I would be lying if I say I am able to perfectly recall what happened next. I heard his voice, spitting out words in my mind. Then, Scott screamed in my ears, distressed, and I dropped on my knees when a white sharp stabbing pain penetrated my brain, blinding me. 

Perhaps I screamed too. I couldn’t tell.

“Sara! Sara, are you alright?” Jaal’s voice rumbled and I had to cover my ears with the sound, not being able to see anything around me besides the painful white light. The feeling of his hand was heavy on my arm, helping me to stand up and guiding my clumsy steps me towards the door. But it closed shut before we were able to go through. 

“It won’t open! Open!” Cora shouted, banging the solid metallic gate with her weapon. 

Jaal help me sit on the floor and left my arm to help Cora with her struggle, banging the gate first and examining it after, trying to find a hidden mechanism that might get it open. “Tempest! The Pathfinder is down! Come in!” he finally told over his comm.

I curled up in fetal position because of the sharp pain in my head. He hadn’t stopped speaking, laughing loudly and threatening. But then, is voice was gone and the only thing left was the distressing tinnitus ringing and the sharp pain with the piercing sound.

[“ _SAM?_ ”] I asked, hesitant. 

He was not there. 

I was alone. 

While Jaal and Cora wasted their efforts on the door, I crawled my way towards the Remnant console. 

“Ryder! We thought we lost you… Lie down!” Cora ordered me.

I didn’t know I had passed out. 

“The Hyperion’s dark. SAM with it... We need to get back…” I breathed out while scrambling up over the device.

I think Jaal read my intentions immediately because he tried to stop me, terribly worried. Wait, no… That door is Remnant. You need SAM. We don’t know what might happen if you try...” He tried to drag me away from the console, grabbing my arm, but I pull out from his grip.

“We _need_ to get back,” I grunted. 

Any pain I had felt before paled compared with the agonizing one that invaded my whole body while I interacted with the damned Remnant thing. I felt blood trickling from my nose under the helmet. Perhaps from my eyes, too. I couldn’t be sure.

My heart was thumping in my chest and my ears loudly and fast before the world spun and everything went dark. 

Jaal’s mask of anguish was the last thing I recall.

 

***

 

When I woke up I could still feel the Remnant technology around me, buzzing, forming waves that brushed over me. An old memory of the sea, holidays in Australia with my whole family when I was a child, came back to me. It was peaceful, warm and quiet and I greatly enjoyed to feel the warm waves on my skin. 

I saw the blue sky and the bright sun; felt the rough yellow sand under my body. But when I opened my eyes, there was nothing there apart of a starry black sky. Then, I became aware of the coldness and hardness of the metallic ground. Everything was pretty cold, indeed. 

At first, highly disoriented, I thought that everything had been a nightmare. But my mind was still too quiet, nearly deafening. 

Reality hit back when SAM didn’t answer me.

The place buzzed around me with a new sort of alien energy I never felt before. Reassuring. 

I finally moved when I felt the painful poke in my arm.

“Oy!” I screamed without being able to discern what I saw yet, and shoving my limb away. But two pairs of massive hands held me in place, onto the ground.

“She’s awake!” Jaal’s happily screamed next to me and I understood that the hands that were holding my shoulders were his.   

“Thank god…” Liam uttered somewhere, retrieving his hands from my legs. 

There were also sighs of relief and a couple of nervous chuckles around us. Lexi had kneeled on my left and she was removing the needle. “For fuck’s sake, Ryder. You are not making my job easy…” she complained in a quiet mumble.

I bent my free arm to hold Jaal’s hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. 

He smiled. A thin, contained and worried smile. Although his bioelectricity brushed me with a level of relief that made my hair bristle and drew a grin on my lips. 

“I’m fine. I should be able to stand…” Truth being told, the drugs were starting the kick in, numbing all my pains at once.

“Hyperion has gone dark. It had been attacked,” Peebee informed me while Jaal helped me sitting up.

“We are getting reports from everywhere. All remaining kett ships are on the move,” Kallo said over the comm.

“It’s all the Archon. If he takes Meridian, he’ll destroy worlds…He thinks he has won,” I muttered.  

“It kind of feels like he has…” Suvi added, sorrowful.

There were a few seconds of stretched silence when I was sure that everyone downed Suvi’s words and actually mourned the loss of what we nearly had and we lost. 

The clear memory of the seaside… The promised land I was expecting to find in Andromeda.

That couldn’t be the end. I didn’t travel 600 years to a different galaxy for a fucking bastard to steal my future. My dreams. And my brother. 

To me. To my people. To everyone in Heleus. 

We were fighting for survival. For the permanence of the Milky Way species and for the Angaras. 

This was not the end. 

He hadn’t won yet. 

“No,” I stated, standing up. “We’re outgunned, but there’s always a way!”

I knew they were all shocked by my firmness and I knew I had grown: as a leader. As a Pathfinder.

“We need a plan,” Cora answered with a serious tone, following my lead.

“Stop ship, kill jerk,” Peebee replied, dragged by her anger.

“With what?” the human asked again.

“We are clearly outnumbered...” Drack complained.

“We have allies all over the cluster and we know where he’s heading to.”  Liam was really optimistic. As always.

“Still outnumbered,” Drack said.

Vetra was clearly worried about her sister. “He’s got the Hyperion. That’s how many thousand hostages?”

“On the other hand… how many worlds does he destroy if we don’t move?” the krogan asked.

“And how many do we save if we get ourselves killed?” Cora replied.

Peebee was starting to lose her thin mettle. “Well, but we have to do something! Right?”

“I know… but the Tempest is one ship and it isn’t even armed!”

In the middle of their argument, I felt myself dragged to the only Remnant console on sight, and I didn’t know why. But when I hovered my hand over it, the energy filled me; interacted with me as if it recognized my signature. I felt pressure in my head, but no pain this time, even if I could feel the blood trickling from my nose again, as focused as I was. 

To be honest, I didn’t feel anything at all, like if my body didn’t belong to me anymore.

All my companions stopped at once their shouting about our remote options when the Remnant battleships started to raise from the main vessel with a low rumbling and sending electricity waves similar to the angara’s ones.

“Well, perhaps we still have a chance…” Vetra sounded shocked when she spoke.

The ships stood there, majestic, and I knew they would fight with us. I only had to tell them where to go and they would help us, by our side. 

I was shocked myself. 

That was amazing. And now we stood a chance. 

I brushed the scarlet path dripping from my nose with the palm of my shaky hand. The same hand I ran over the mess that my hair was, still on a sort of a ponytail, once all the battleships were up and ready.

I finally turned around to face my crewmates. My companions. My friends. And my love. “Drack, call your mercenaries. Vetra and Liam, your people. And, Liam, give a ring to Reyes, too. Cora, try to get a hold of Kandros… perhaps he was not in the Hyperion when it was hijacked. Jaal, call Evfra, we need the Resistance’s forces. Kallo, connect me to the other Pathfinders. Tell them all to get ready and send the coordinates of Meridian. All the others, get your armours and weapons and get ready.” I took a deep breath and my line of thoughts shone with a resolution that I had never had before. I felt the need of making a speech. Because I was very pissed off. And because that is what a leader does. “We have reached the end of the road, guys, and there’s no turn back. We are not fighting for an idea or ideology here. It's something bigger. We are fighting for our survival as a species. We are fighting for our planet and we are fighting for our fucking home! And we are _not_ losing this battle. Not under my watch. That planet is ours and we better make that bastard know! Let’s kick his fucking kett ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter has not been beta-read... so I'm sorry about any mistakes you found on it. I'm really glad you all came this far in my journey through Andromeda and all the extra-content about Sara and Jaal that I hoped sweetened a little bit everyone's life. It's hard to have a crush on an alien, I feel you, guys...  
> With this chapter I close the Andromeda canon: we all know the end of the game. The last one (I feel sad just thinking of the word 'last') would be an epilogue post-videogame.  
> Thanks again to everyone for your comments, kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks: they are the inspiration to carry on sometimes.


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muse - Neutron star collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omniscient narrator. Two years after the conquest of Meridian.

“Where is she? Is everything alright?”

Scott burst into the waiting area of the hospital slamming the door open and startling the angara, who stopped his anxious wandering around the room. In the blink of an eye, the human stood in front of him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking slightly. “Am I late?”

Jaal stared at him, clasping his own hands on his interlocutor’s arms, mirroring his gestures with his nerves on the edge. “No. It’s been an hour now. But everything’s fine. Everything is fine,” he mumbled, his eyes wide-opened, pulling back from Scott and resuming his steps around the room. 

“Ok. No need to worry. Everything’s fine...” the Pathfinder repeated the words, sitting down on one of the chairs and tapping the one next to him, inviting Jaal to sit, too.

Scott crossed his arms and leaned back in silence while Jaal leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands, thumping one foot rhythmically on the polished immaculate floor. 

“It’s two weeks before the due date,” Scott breathed out, pretending to be calmer than he felt.

“I know… but Lexi said it’s quite common with twins.”

“Ok… Does Sahuna know?” the Pathfinder asked.

“Yes. She’s on her way, but it will take her some hours… We were not expecting them this early.” Jaal sighed and ran his hands over his face with a tired gesture.

“Ey, they’ll be fine. I actually feel sorry for you… Dealing with my sister while pregnant… You must be exhausted, mate!”

Jaal chuckled in front of his witty comment as he knew Scott was clearly trying to ease the tension. “ _Skkut_ … it’s been the best and the worst experience of my life, all together,” he laughed, recalling the happiness and the surprise when she told him the wonderful news and the morning sickness that had been a leitmotif during the first trimester. Then, apart from the constant medical examinations and the million tests, everything had been quite smooth. Not for the last month, though, when Sara was starting to grow very uncomfortable with the size of her belly.

“How’s the new job, then?” Scott asked after some quiet seconds, still wearing the Initiative-issued uniform. He had stepped up as a human Pathfinder when his sister acknowledged she was with child. The implications of her pregnancy were too important to risk her or the babies' health, so the Initiative offered her a quieter position doing what she studied for: Anthropology. She would be part of an interspecies team that would collect, reconstruct and analyze all the data from Andromeda regarding the Angara, the Remnant and the Jardaan. 

And she loved it. 

“Not as busy or exciting as it used to be, but quite interesting, indeed. And it had let me be with her all the journey.” After a few months travelling in the Tempest with the new Pathfinder, Jaal decided to give up his position and accepted a job in Meridian as an angaran combat techniques instructor at the Initiative academy. 

Scott chuckled with pride: he was really happy for his sister. And for him, too. Actually, she couldn’t have found a better partner, but he would never tell that to Jaal.

“Scott, can I ask you something?” the angara began with a renewed worry, sitting up on the chair to look at the human intently. 

“Shoot, I suppose.”

Jaal still took some seconds to gather the words. “What should my next step be? I mean… what is the custom within humans? Usually, angaras father and mother children without any further ceremony, although Liam told me that you have rites for _marrriage._ Something about compromise and a big party with friends and family. Also, something about a ring for sort of marking your mate forever… I read about it… Do you think Sara wants that, too?” 

Scott stared at the mixed up alien with affection and finally chuckled. “Jaal, I think Liam wants to throw a party, it doesn’t matter how. Although the marriage part is true. Have you spoken to her about this?”

Jaal sighed with resignation. “Yes. And she told me she’s not really into any of those things. But I feel is your tradition and I shouldn’t go over it.”

Scott cackle was probably audible in the whole hospital. “Mate, you more than anyone should know how my sister is… If she says _no marriage_ , then _no marriage_ it is. Although that doesn’t mean you can’t get us all and your family together to celebrate… I don’t know... Your intergalactic union? The fact that you are _pathfinding_ our descendants?

The word descendant made Jaal suddenly recall what brought him to the waiting room of the hospital in the first place and, with a new pump of anxiety rushing in his body, the angara resumed his thumping on the floor. “Ok, no wedding, no ring, yes to party. Speak to her first. I get it.”

On that exact moment, the door slammed open again and a rush of people came into the waiting room, making Jaal and Scott spring up from the chairs.

“Jaal! For the goddess, how is she? How are you?” Cora asked with concern, hugging the angara briefly. 

“I bought a ton of balloons! I know children love balloons! I love balloons!” Peebee blurted out with a high-pitched voice, all excitement, grabbing the string of a hundred of pink and blue balloons tight in her hand. She jumped around Jaal and Scott before setting them free.

“Peebee, for fuck’s sake! Later, not here!” Gil hushed her and the asari giggle with excitement. “How are you holding up, mate?” he asked the angara, who ran a hand over his face again tiredly.

“Not bad… just nervous.”

Drack grunted, joining the conversation. “That’s with the first five ones. From there, everything turns out routinary…”

“I don’t really see Sara with five children around…” Vetra said, also giving Jaal a hug. “But I didn’t even see her with two before. I was obviously wrong!”

“Where are the new mum and dad?” Liam asked festively, entering the room and activating one of those confetti cannons with a loud bang, cheering, making a lot of small shiny and coloured paper glide in the air.  “Come here, you _little shit_!” he said, pulling Jaal closer for a hug.  “I always knew you would make me proud! How damn right I was!” 

“Liam! Look at this mess! Lexi's gonna kill you!” Suvi shouted with mild panic, looking at the floor.

“They are gonna kick us out, that’s for sure…” Vetra replied, shaking her head.

And, all of a sudden, the door of the surgery theatre opened and everyone froze, facing the newcomer. 

All deathly quiet.

“You are the worst bunch ever. I’ve heard you coming from the inside… And it’s meant to be soundproof!” Lexi told them all off with an annoyed face. 

“Anything?” Jaal stepped forward, eager for any updates. 

The asari breathed in slowly.

Then, she showed a sincere smile. “Congratulations, Jaal. Both babies are alright, and Sara is too. Everything was absolutely fine, as planned. You are a dad!”

There was a mumble, and a rumble, and a scream and before anyone knew where it came from, a new confetti cannon popped, as well as three champagne bottles that Kallo and Gil had mysteriously smuggled into the hospital. There were new happy congratulations and hugs and someone, probably Liam, had even brought party hats.

“Ok, before I call security to get you all out, do you want to come in?” Lexi shouted and the whole group spoke a loud _yes_ , walking towards the door.   

“No! I don’t mean all of you! Just Jaal! And perhaps Scott!”

“Oh, that makes more sense…” Suvi agreed with some disappointment, putting one of the hats on her head. 

Peebee had recaught some of the balloons. “Here, give one to her, and the others for the babies.”

Scott gripped the strings with a sarcastic smile. “Thanks, Peebee. I’m sure they will really appreciate the present…”

“I know… Good luck!” she said with a happy grin. 

And the angara with the party hat and the human with the balloons came into the quiet entrance room with solemnity, following the asari.

Through the clear pane that separated the sterilizing room from the actual theatre, they saw loads of beeping gadgets and more than ten doctors and scientists: salarians, humans, asaris and angaras, tinkering with instruments, taking notes on computers and datapads scattered on the massive hospital quarter.

Sara was there in one of the beds, leaning back on the pillows and visibly exhausted, holding a small wrap of blankets and smiling at it.  

“Ey,” she said with a husky voice when they came into sight. 

“Darling one, are you all ok?” Jaal asked with concern from the threshold, wondering if the doctors would let him step further in, his body itching to feel her.

“They didn’t bring fireworks. I think I’m a little disappointed…” she joked. 

Scott chuckled, still carrying the balloons. “I'm sure they did, sis. But they didn't let them in. Peebee gave me this as an opener, though”  

“I think the balloons are going to have to stay here, if you don’t mind, Pathfinder,” Lexi commanded him and asked them both to wash their hands thoroughly and get a quick swipe on the dry sterilizing shower before getting into the actual room.  

With the heart hammering in his chest, Jaal finally stepped in, followed by Scott. All the sounds were muffled while walking towards the bed in a sort of slow-motion dream and Jaal became suddenly very conscious of his own raggedy breath. One of the angaran doctors stopped him on his tracks to put in his hands a small packet of blankets with a warm smile and a greeting bioelectricity field around. He said some unintelligible slow words before walking off, leaving the blankets in his hands. Scott tapped Jaal's back uttering something with a laugh and looked over his shoulder to see the little creature he was holding. Then, he walked towards his sister with the widest smile he had ever had in years. But Jaal only had eyes for the baby wrapped in blankets he was holding: a girl, according to her small _jinesh._ She was tiny, delicate, with violet skin sprinkled with white spots and different tones of purple shades, like him. But her nose was prominent and she had five fingers in each hand. She emitted a soft satisfaction field around, that increased in intensity when the angara cuddled her on his chest and nuzzled his nose with hers.

Jaal looked up at Sara, feeling his throat tightening, and strode towards the bed, seeking for the other wrap of blankets she held: a baby boy with physical angaran features and violet skin but, again, prominent nose, flat chest and five fingers in each hand. His eyes were definitely angaran, with vertical slit pupils, although the iris was not blue, but warm brown, instead: amber, with hints of green and rust. 

Beautiful eyes, like Sara’s.     

And, before any of them was able to speak a word, she burst into tears looking at Jaal’s delighted face. And the angara couldn't hold back his happy sob anymore, either. 

“They are… the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, _taoshay_ ,” he managed to say, resting his forehead on hers and caressing her cheek with delicacy while Sara whimpered once more with a smile blossoming on her lips.

“They are, Jaal.” She deeply-breathed a couple of times. “And I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

***

They called the Pathfinder for a meeting once the initial euphoria had begun to fade. After the congratulation exchange, the cries and the hugs were issued, the babies demanded breastfeeding, a solar lamp and some rest.   

“Do my sister and Jaal know, then?” the Pathfinder asked the lead scientists on the small office next to their quarters. His smile had swapped into a worried gesture with their words.

“They knew the implications, as they have been pioneers, and also knew the dangers, but we have monitored the whole process really really close, and everything has worked out in the end: there are not genetic weaknesses, duplicities… it’s been flawless: they are flawless. I would call it a miracle, in other circumstances...” one of the human doctors explained.

“I would call it genetics if you don’t mind, dear colleague,” the salarian added, teasing.

“That’s probably more accurate, since the discoverings we made in the Remnant city, I wouldn’t be surprised at all…” the angaran geneticist replied.

“It might just be a coincidence and we are taking things out of proportion…” the human said although he left the sentence unfinished, not truly believing his own words.

"I don't think we are, trust me... They have been together for more than two years now. Her _hormonal_ implant... _blockers_... ran away 18 months ago. Obviously, they've been having sex since then without results. And many other human-angara couples, too. Angaras were not meant to be genetically compatible with any Milky Way species and, all of a sudden, here we are, with the first hybrid babies and a human-angaran birth boom planned for the next 6 months that is going to break all the statistics..." Lexi explained with worry.  

"I have run the genetic tests over and over again and I haven't been able to find any change in our genetic code. I can't explain or understand how this happened..." the angara admitted with a deep defeated expression.

They all looked through the fake mirror pane to the merry couple in the room: Sara was sitting up on the bed, smiling at the sight of Jaal, who had both babies, one in each arm, and walked around the room singing some lullaby in _Shelesh_ with a soothing bioelectric field, trying unsuccessfully to put the babies to sleep. 

“It is too much coincidence that their DNA was 50% perfectly combinable. And just with your species!” the asari resumed her words with a worried tone, looking at Scott. “They had filled each other’s lackings with perfection: they have bioelectricity, digitigrade legs, muscular complexion, solar energy feeding… But also an improved digestive system, five fingers in each hand, better vision and hearing... that's without talking about the healing rate...”

Scott sighed while the happy feeling faded away, mixing with concern. “They are tiny super aliens…” he mumbled, distracted.

But his words sunk deep in everyone.

“Yes, you can put it that way. Genetically, they have the best treats of both species, if you want to be more technical,” the salarian explained.

“But it doesn’t have to be something bad, am I right?” the Pathfinder asked.

“Being suddenly compatible out of nowhere? Considering that we, angaras, were genetically designed, isn’t it too much coincidence? The perfect DNA pairing… I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore…” the angaran geneticist admitted, looking back at his datapad.

“We need more data. We can’t infer a general rule just with two study subjects.”

Scott stepped up at the salarian’s words. “Ey, those _subjects_ are my family…”

“He didn’t say it in bad faith. But he’s right. We need to study this further. Keep them protected. Safe.” Lexi’s words were common sense and all the people in the room nodded in agreement.

“We’ll do, guys. But for now, the best thing we can do is wait and be happy for them, I suppose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of the journey, guys. I feel actually sad to leave Sara and Jaal here, but happy about the ending.  
> I began this story over the summer holidays at the same time I played Andromeda, writing every chapter while I moved on in the game and, honestly, I never thought it would gather so much attention.  
> They are a lovely dork couple, and I love them deeply.  
> Once again, thanks to everyone who has been following their adventures, feelings and relationship. Thanks for the readings, the kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks.  
> I hope you liked it as much as I did.  
> See you around!


End file.
